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Claire and her daughter greeting her husband returning from BCT.
You may have noticed a new writer has joined the team. Claire Shackelford has been blogging about military family issues for years, contributing to sites like YouServed, Wives in Bloom and Christian Military Wives, not to mention her own blog, Colloquial Soliloquy.
Having been a military daughter, mother and spouse at different times, Claire is a bit of a rarity in the military community. Pulling from her many experiences, Claire now writes mainly from a military parent’s perspective.
With a master’s degree in social work, Claire taught creative journaling to MS patients on the side while working in the field and says creative writing has been a passion for years.
Claire’s son Nate during training.
When her son was first deployed to Iraq in 2007, Claire started her blog to help her meet people in similar positions as well as keep in touch with her son. From her first blog post, entitled “It’s all fun and games until someone gets deployed!” to today, Claire says her No. 1 goal is to write something that “connects people together with a common problem, pain or life event.”
When comparing the amount of information and support given to her as a spouse while her husband was in basic training to the support given as a parent during her son’s first deployment, Claire noticed there is a huge disparity. Family Readiness Groups, other support groups and the general flow of information highly favor military spouses.
This may work for a number of service members, but younger single members have their parents serve as a main source of contact back home and they are severely disadvantaged, Claire says.
“Basically parents need to know that their feelings are valid, that their concerns are normal and that they are not the only ones feeling left out of the information loop. I was lucky to have access as a spouse to circles I would not have normally been a part of. It made a difference. I want to offer that now to other parents.”
By sharing experiences and resources, Claire is helping unite parents as an active and important part of the military family. The following quote best summarizes what Claire brings to the community:
Claire’s husband and her sons, Mike and Nate.
“I was that mother five years ago; up late at night, full of fear and anxiety and feeling disconnected from the military while my soldier was in the heat of battle. I would search for information only to come up empty handed. I would look for other Blue Star parents online only to come to old forums that were long ago abandoned. Let’s face it, I don’t care who you are, it’s not natural for a parent to see a child go to war. It goes against all we have done for them for their whole lives! Parents need to feel that they are an active and vital part of the life and well being of their soldier. I hope I can show them that it can be done, and that their role is important and they can be empowered to reach out to their own son or daughter and to other veterans as well.”
If you’re a Blue Star Parent or know one, keep an eye out for Claire’s future contributions!
7 Comments
I am an Army mother of 3 active duty children. Two boys in the CAV and a daughter that is in a Quarter Master Unit. My husband retired after 22 years as a bandsman. Its not easy when the kids deploy and you stand there with the grandkids and you have to look strong for the grandchildren when your own heart is breaking in half. I see bumper stickers that say 1/2 my heart is in Iraq. Well, I am sorry. But when my kids deploy, my whole heart is in Iraq. Last year I had two kids and a son in law in Iraq. I did everything I could think of to keep the grandboys and me busy. I was very busy in the FRG and helped other units families out as well. There are many things out there for the wives of deployed soldiers, but they forget, there are an awful lot of moms back home taking care of the grandkids missing their own children that are in war. I started a Caregivers Group at Fort Stewart, Ga several years ago as we had grandmas, aunts, an uncles that were stunned at they had no information on what the Army was about and what to do. I did it all by myself. I had Capt, Funk or Capt Cooper 703rd A and G co, and I got anything I needed for me and the grandboys. I am proud I am an Army wife, but even more prouder when I see my children in their uniform. We are Army strong in this home. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Claire, have just read the article welcoming you as a Blue Star Mother~I am a Gold Star Mother and I have the best Blue Star Mothers as my back up since the day I lost my 23 year old Soldier. We, my daughter and I are Infantry 10th Mt. Division Fort Drum New York~my son came home from Afghanistan with PTSD, but he wanted to redeploy so he was to do 28 days in a civilian hospital/rehab contracted thru the Army. My Soldier was there approximately 60 HOURS and died of a fatal cocktail of prescription drugs that they had put him on~their response was “we were just trying to help him”. You can not begin to imagine what we have been thru in the last 2 years, altered hospital records 8 different stories as to what happened on the morning of 11/10/09, his roommate trying to save him, I could go on but I will not~I am going after this hospital for the death of my son only because I feel that somebody should admit they made a mistake. The Army quit sending Soldiers there AFTER my son passed away~my son fought for us and now I am fighting for him. I am the one on a mission now to bring PTSD awareness not only to Military families but to our country~the treatment our Troops are receiving when they return home with this horrific diesease is unreal. They do not know how to treat PTSD and they are drugging them up to shut them up to redeploy them…now, 2 years later they are admiting that our Soldiers are being over medicated and commiting suicide. My son did not commit suicide he was just taking the meds that he was given~ he was in a controled enviroment taking controled medication and all Holliswood Hospital in Hollis NY can say is we are sorry…not unacceptable to a Army Mother. I will never quit and I will not accept defeat, I am Army Strong and a Gold Star Mother fighting for justice for my Soldier.
….FINALLY!!!…..I have been looking for some kind of support as a mom of 2 soldiers!!!……I wish I could have found this a year ago when my then 20 year old son was deployed to Afghanistan…..He is now safely home THANK GOD, and I am able to once more sleep all night……Thank you for taking the time to recognize that parents deserve the same kind of support as spouses, from others who have “been there done that”…..I will continue to check here for more support……@tammiesevers:disqus….I am so sorry to hear of your loss and pray that even now God will con
o continue to give you comfort…..I cannot imagine what you are/have gone through and pray that no one
else ever has to go through the same thing…..Thank you for your son and all he gave to us so that we have the freedom to be Americans.
My now 21 year old is a medic 10th Mt. Division, my 22 year old is stationed in Monterey, CA at
the Defense Language Institute……..
I am glad that this resources is here for parents to talk, connect and learn from one another. Tammie, you are right… I can not imagine what you have been through. I can only imagine the deep pain and intense grief you face and the even more deep resolve you have to advocate for your hero. PTSD awareness is so important. I have a friend who started an organization (her husband has TBI/PTSD) call VOW (Voice of Warriors). I would be more than happy to introduce you to her if you would like. She would be a great support.
Nadine, I am so glad you found us! I am more glad that your son is home, safe and sound! I know how much relief that brings!
Davida you said it right… when they deploy your whole heart goes with them!
Thank you all for commenting and Claire for offering this kind of connection to us moms out here. I too have found that forums are not current, and I really have no others that I know in the same situation. Our oldest son is active duty Army, has had two tours in Iraq and now serves in Afghanistan. Our youngest has recently joined the Army reserves.
Tammie, I am so sorry for all you have had to endure and pray that you will find that justice for your son and all the others that may be affected as well.
Davida, love what you said about being Army strong in your house…we agree! You have all done things to reach out to others living this journey of Mil mom. I have written books for Military Kids. So glad to meet you all, and look forward to your posts Claire!
I would love to check out what you have written Kathleen!
Hi Adrienne,
Thanks for your interest! We have written a series called We Serve Too! for young children, a deployment book, a reunion book, one called the Homecoming Box which is an activity for children to hold memories and important things to tell a parent when they return. We are now working on a new book called Little Daisy’s Worst/Best Day about relocation. We have a coloring book of the Military alphabet on a coloring booklet on Afghanistan. You can see them at http://weservetoo.com/
Our whole focus is on the children that are often the forgotten ones, of our Military Families.