It is easy for many adults to think that their status updates are just on Facebook and won’t get anyone in trouble. However, social media and other open sources are how a lot of foreign intelligence is gathered that can put our troops in harms way.

One of the most difficult parts of being a military parent is explaining OPSEC to children in a non-threatening way. How can you explain to a generation that is encouraged to post every last moment of their lives online that they need to be careful not to give “the enemy” too much information?

Much of the information about OPSEC is fear based and seems to be trying to cause paranoia. Scaring your children into not saying anything about deployment is really a negative way to go about a very important issue.

OPSEC: What To Avoid

A parent shouldn’t attempt to explain OPSEC unless they fully understand what it is. Rather than tell your children that they can’t tell anyone about deployment, give them specific examples of what to avoid in conversation and social media posts.

The general idea is to avoid giving specifics about what your service member does, where they are (beyond country), when they are on a mission or specifics about when they’ll return. For more information about OPSEC, check out this article.

Emotions

It is important to talk to children about how to safely navigate social media

The first thing you’ll want to talk about with your children is the different emotions associated with a parent getting deployed. Anger, sadness or just plain confusion are all normal reactions and you should reassure your child that it’s normal to express these emotions.

However, rather than post specifics about a parents deployment on a social media website, let them know that they can discuss those specifics with you, their siblings or other trusted adults.

Protection

Rather than explain Operational Security as something that will limit your child’s expression, consider phrasing it as a way for them to do their part to keep their parent and country safe.

Many children are proud of a parent’s service and you should let them know that following the OPSEC guidelines keeps everyone safe and is a way to be a hero too and contribute to the mission. Phrasing it like this will make your child feel included and important rather than excluded and limited.

A Reminder

Sometimes the best way to get your children to follow the rules of OPSEC is to have them be your monitor. We all slip up and mention a few things we probably shouldn’t and children are great monitors. Have them get used to what is appropriate to say by being your reminder if you slip up.

OPSEC: Not just an old fashioned rule

Review General Online Safety

Even though your children are constantly bombarded with messages telling them to be safe online, it never hurts to have a brief reminder before a deployment to emphasize the importance of online safety and OPSEC.

No long-winded explanations are necessary, just review that they understand talking to someone in a chat room doesn’t mean they’re suddenly best friends and you shouldn’t give away personal information online and this includes information about a parent’s deployment.

A General Tip

Sometimes it’s hard for adults to remember what it’s like as a kid when it seems like adults are keeping secrets from you. Children may take the absence of information about their job, location and return as a sign that you don’t trust or love them rather than a safety precaution.

It’s important to give them enough information so they know you’ll be coming back without telling them so much before you know they can handle keeping certain information quiet.

The best advice to parents about to go through a deployment is to explain OPSEC in a way that isn’t meant to scare them, and rather try to get them involved and feeling like they’re doing their part.

Thanks to hiestand24 and 501st Sustainment Brigade via flickr creative commons

Here’s a look at four options that can help military families stay in touch:

Google+ hangout

To use this little gem you’ll need a web cam, a microphone, a good Internet connection and a Google+ account. If you’re not familiar with Google+ it’s a social networking site that Google launched earlier this year. The hangout function of this site is a video chat that can be used for more than just two people. So you can have family in Texas, New York, Iowa, even overseas, and everyone can be on the same screen having a conversation together.

YouTube Channel

YouTube channels have been gaining in popularity thanks to advertising, but posting videos about the family and for the family can be another use. Imagine all the old home videos of your children’s recitals, past holidays and other important family events in the same place. This may not be as nice a getting to see a loved one’s face, but the nostalgia behind sharing old and new videos can warm hearts no matter their location.

Flickr

If video really isn’t your thing, then Flickr may be worth a shot. Flickr allows you to create and share photo albums online. Older albums and newer albums may be uploaded. A new use this season may be uploading the photos taken at the family Christmas celebration so that people who couldn’t attend can still laugh and grin at the festivities.

Blogging

Blogging can be a useful tool for sharing memories. Sites like Blogger or WordPress make this easy with templates for your site and an easy-to-use dashboard for uploading content. Photos, videos, recipes — no matter what you’re posting you can upload for your friends and loved ones to see.

No matter which site you try out this season remember that anything on the Internet is “fair game” as far as browsing is concerned. So only share things that you would feel comfortable about a potential stranger looking at, and as always keep OPSEC in mind when sharing information about deployed soldiers and military units.

Photo thanks to Joint Base Lewis McCord via Flickr Creative Commons

It is an honor to be a parent of a United States soldier, they volunteered to fight for our country and you should be very proud of them.

That being said, you, like most parents out there, probably have many emotional and mixed feelings about a current or upcoming deployment. It is easy to start feeling helpless when your son or daughter gets deployment orders. You may feel like there is nothing you can do.

We put together the best tips and advice on how to support your child while he or she is deployed. They deserve all the support they can get!

1. Support their Decision to Join the Military

Do not guilt your soldier or scold your soldier for their decision to join the service. Even if you disagree or did not want your son or daughter to join, once they have joined you need to move forward and they need your unwavering support. Often parents feel an urge to say a soldier shouldn’t have joined when they get deployed. This is sending the wrong message. You want to send a message of support and pride.

Family welcomes home a soldier, a brother and a son

2. Reach Out to their Spouse (if your soldier is married)

During deployment ask if their spouse need anything, communicate with their spouse about information and try to let their spouse lead the way on homecoming and other arrangements. Feel free to politely offer to help. It is hard to let a newer spouse take the reins for your son or daughter but remember that this is the person your son or daughter is choosing to spend their lives with. Supporting your son or daughter’s spouse is one of the best ways to support your soldier.

3. Military Contact List

Each military branch has a liaison for families that remains stateside. If your child doesn’t have this readily available, you should be able to get any information you need from the main web site for their branch. Since the military doesn’t readily inform parents, as they do spouses, you may have to search and ask questions.

4. Communication

Find out how you can talk to your son or daughter as soon as possible. If you have never used facebook or skype, learn it ASAP if you wanted to be updated as much as possible. But also be prepared for little or no communication at times.  They will contact you as much as they possibly can, but sometimes that is not very often, and it is never often enough for those of us at home!

5. Find support for yourself

Because there is no database of military parents and fewer groups for parents of soldiers you may find it is a little more difficult but it is important for you to have emotional support. You cannot help your son or daughter if you do not take care of yourself. Do not be afraid or too proud to seek out professional help either.

6. Know your limits

Watching the news, war movies, even joyful homecoming videos can all trigger powerful emotional reactions and some parents decide to limit themselves so not to constantly make themselves upset. (see out earlier article Spare Scare and Face Your Fears)

7. Write Letters

A handwritten letter is like receiving a piece of someone’s heart and is not replaced by phone calls, email, care packages, or even skype. It is something to hold on to and reread.

8. Keep your thoughts positive

It will help you be a positive force in your soldier’s life. It is helpful to write affirmations of positive thoughts and things you are thankful for on a regular basis. If you stay positive it will feel more natural for you to be positive for your soldier.

9. Know When to Keep Mum

Petty issues and stresses at home should not burden your soldier. (This is where those positive thoughts come in handy!) You want to make sure you tell him or her what is going on but feel free to skip over unimportant details that may bother them. They will feel helpless knowing about a problem that they cannot possibly fix.

10. Homecoming Support

Your son or daughter will not be the same person in many ways. They will have grown up, matured and changed and changed in some ways you may never be able to fully understand. If you spend your time trying to bring back your little boy/girl you will be disappoints. Instead try to see that all change isn’t bad. Accept your son or daughter unconditionally. Meet them where they are.

If you are a Mom or Dad of a deployed soldier, or a soldier who has been deployed, what has helped you the most? What ways can parents support their children that we have left out? Leave us a comment with your suggestions!

Photo thanks to TheNationalGuard via Flickr Creative Commons

If a deployment has your family split this season, it may be a bit difficult to enjoy a second helping of stuffing.

You can’t send a steaming plate of turkey, mashed potatoes and a side of pumpkin pie and expect it to last the two to three week minimum travel time and of course you can’t let him watch football and nap on the couch next to Uncle Joe. The name of the game becomes “improvise.”

Luckily you can send some tasty treats reminiscent of thanksgiving and send some great favorites that help bring Thanksgiving to your soldier! Here’s how:

Food

For turkey, you can send turkey jerky or turkey spam; for mashed potatoes you can send potato chips or instant mashed potatoes; for cranberry sauce, you can send a canned version or craisins. Soldiers can usually microwave a just add water stuffing and canned green beans or candied yams are usually welcomed with open arms. To complete the meal you can send packaged desserts and packages of spiced cider or hot cocoa. Or if you are really creative, try baking some of these desserts in a jar or even pies in a jar!

Football

It’s an American tradition to watch or play football on Thanksgiving. Send a football for the unit to play with in their downtime. You can also choose from multiple football-related movies to give a sporty, competitive feel. Perhaps you can also record some games from earlier in the season (this is my husbands favorite!) or send a classic game from a Thanksgiving years ago.

Decorations

A little visual reinforcement can go a long way!. You can send themed plates and cups, wall hangings and even some stuffed turkeys. Try to get the kids involved and make hand turkeys or decorated pine cones.

Thankful List

Share with your service member the things you are thankful for, including the fact that they are fighting for their country in a foreign land. You can include some of your favorite memories and remind them of how much you love them and can’t wait until they return. Consider including kids, other family and friends’ Thankful lists as well.

Pictures

Fall is all about the leaves changing and the weather cooling. Send some pictures of the season by playing in leaves or dressing the kids in their cool-weather gear such as scarves, gloves and boots. Have kids make hand print turkeys or draw pictures. Even little touches like a few pressed fall leaves from the backyard will turn the holiday spirit up a notch!

Video

Some families host an early celebration and film it for their service member to watch during their own Thanksgiving meal. Send some personal messages to your service member and give them a glimpse of your Thanksgiving fixings.

Photo thanks to crd via Flickr Creative Commons

When you feel like everyone is judging you or no one in your life can understand you, a book can help you understand and work through your emotions.

Here are five books (and reviews) recommended by those who’ve experienced the left-behind side of deployment.

Love You More Than You Know, Janie Reinart and Mary Anne Mayer

This book compiles the experiences and reflections of 45 mothers who sent their children to war.

• “All of the stories were wonderful and being an Army Wife, I still took plenty away from each. There are stories that make you shed tears and moments that will leave you almost breathless.” Jessica from Sugar in My Grits
• “…it was a book I allowed to become part of me. Each experience was so real that it brought me to tears as I related to it as a military mom.” Kathy Guzzo

E-mail to the Front: One Wife’s Correspondence with Her Husband Overseas, Alesia Holliday

This book follows an email dialogue between a woman and her husband during his deployment.

• “I bought this book during my husband’s first deployment to keep me company on the nights when I couldn’t sleep… SO many things I found myself laughing out loud about because they were so true. Other times I would tear up at because I knew how she felt.” D. pate
• “As an Army wife, I absolutely adored this book. It’s the first book I’ve read written about military spouses that isn’t full of bitterness or rank envy.” Anonymous

Going Overboard: The Misadventures of a Military Wife, Sarah Smiley

This is an open, honest account of a young woman not ready to be as independent as a military spouse is often called to be.

• “I recommend this to anyone trying to make it through a military deployment while wrestling with the negative emotions and loneliness… I am currently at home while my husband is deployed for the second time…” kenio&ashmont

Surviving Deployment: A Guide for Military Families, Karen M. Pavlicin

This book is full of ideas to get you through deployment challenges.

• “…it has a good balance between well-researched information, practical checklists, and real life examples. The personal examples/stories are selective and weaved into the information so the information is more true to life.” Harriet Plank “Harri”

While They’re at War: The True Story of American Families on the Homefront, Kristin Henderson

This follows three spouses as they deal with deployment.

• “Only 1% of our nation knows what it’s like to send the people they love into war. Kristin Henderson makes this point… Whether you’re for the war or against it – it is necessary to support the military families and spouses.” WriterGirl

Photo thanks to  ChuckThePhotographer via Flickr Creative Commons

It can be especially difficult for children, who are suddenly faced with the departure of a mother or father. Young children can struggle to understand the “where, how and why” of a parent’s absence.

Studies have shown that some children with a deployed parent suffer from high levels of stress, which can lead to violence, mental illness and resentment that can change the entire family dynamic.

While you can’t replace that loved one serving abroad, parents, other family members and friends can help children cope by keeping them connected. Here are some long-term projects and other activities that can help children stay engaged in family life during a difficult stretch:

Activities at Home

Make a Movie: Record any updates or events the deployed soldier will miss and make an editing project out of them. When the soldier arrives home, you can feature your film and reconnect quickly on times lost.

Son greets his Dad after deployment is over

Scrapbook: For the not so tech-savvy movie type. Same idea as the movie, just take pictures and write updates. You can pull them all together in a book, decorate it and give it as a gift upon homecoming.

Book Study: Before the soldier leaves the child, they can decide on a book they would like to read over the term of leave. Marked passages for specific time frames can evoke a sense of connection, even oceans apart.

Chain Links: For the younger children, make an activity of adding a paper chain link for each day or week that their parent is gone. You can write messages or draw pictures to add significance and allow the child to feel some of their emotions openly.

There are also programs specifically designed to help children cope with deployment outside the home.

Program Activities

Operation Military Kids (OMK) helps bring deployment-affected kids together in social, recreational and educational events. Programs are offered in multiple locations across the United States.

Mock Deployments like the one operated by the Fort Hood Army Community Service allow kids to go through the process of deployment. They receive physical exams, platoon assignments and field equipment to explore.

Create or Get Involved in a Military Fundraiser: Kids can feel helpful by raising money for care packages. Selling cookie dough, candy or crafts is a great way to get your child involved and experience the joy of helping the community at large.

Missing Family Milestones
Children aren’t the only part of a family that feels the effects of a deployment. Military parents everywhere struggle when they or their spouse are forced to miss family milestones. Learn how one military spouse has learned to cope with her significant other’s deployment and absence from family events.

Photo thanks to Georgia National Guard via Flickr Creative Commons