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Do I Want My Children to Serve Like I Did?

Letting your child join the military

A future Army Ranger right here.

Someone recently asked me if I would let one of my children join the military after all that I’d seen and done while serving. It was a question that I wasn’t prepared to answer at the time, so I gave the cop-out answer: “It’s their life and they’ll do whatever makes them happy.”

And while that answer does hold some truth, I know it’s not the same answer that I would give today. I took a few days to think the question over and I started remembering all of the amazingly fun things I was able to do in my decade of service.

I traveled a lot, spending over seven years in Europe, Asia and the Middle East — and got tattooed in all of them. I barbequed, partied and bonded with some really wonderful friends and families. I had the opportunity to lead and be led by some of the best soldiers the Military Police Corps had to offer. I embraced my romantic side by taking castle tours, spending my 19th birthday under the Eiffel Tower and venturing on a trip to Spain in an effort to woo a girl (which worked, unfortunately). I even took the time to learn some world history by visiting Dachau, a concentration camp, and Adolph Hitler’s “Eagles Nest.” Both places that deserved some spit and my middle finger, but were humbling ventures.

I had so many unique experiences that I could never list them on a single page, but it was all of these opportunities that led me to my very favorite memory and to the top of my list — my children. Without the military, I would never have met their mother and gotten to live the life I do with them, and for that, I will be forever grateful.

On the other hand, there were some undesirable experiences as well.

Missing my children while I was deployed easily makes the list, but there are other things too. I remember the first time I watched a soldier die. He had just been married and was expecting his first child. I pulled him out of his vehicle and tended to him and his squad out of training and instinct, but I’ll never forget the way I cried to my platoon sergeant after everything was over. I was 18. I wasn’t embarrassed.

Losing friends in combat is always hard to swallow. Watching friends suffer from post-traumatic stress and acting as if everything is OK is painful. The weeks spent in the field weren’t bad, but coming out of the field to find mundane tasks that needed to be accomplished before I could go home and take a shower were obnoxious. The same mundane tasks were given out when we had down time, which further annoyed me. Bad leadership happened more often that good leadership. Being hated by everyone because you’re an MP was normal, but being hated by peers because they were so disgruntled from bad leadership made things almost unbearable. Being injured, which ultimately slowed me down too much to continue in the Army, makes you feel like a dirtbag, and people like to remind you that you’re not pulling your weight.

And, as a byproduct of service, trying to fit in with the rest of society when I was done was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Despite all that, if I was given the opportunity to answer that question again, I’d answer yes. Yes, I would allow my children to join the military and I would support them in their decision. Whether it was for the love of their country, the college money or because they simply didn’t know what to do with their life, I would say yes.

You don’t join the military with the idea that it will be an easy life, but you at least know it will be stable. It’s not always fun, and it’s definitely not glamorous, but it’s a good, respectable choice. I’m not going to lie and say that everything about the military is grand or noble, but I wouldn’t have changed my service for anything, and I wouldn’t ever push my kids away from serving.

You may or may not agree with my answer, but that’s the very essence and beauty of our service. It’s because of those that came before us and those that serve us now that I’m even allowed to have that opinion. Thank you for giving me the right to share it.

Photo courtesy Michael_Lehet

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Posted by Levi Newman
| lnewman@vu.com


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25 Comments

  1. scouch
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 12:08 am | Permalink

    I agree with you 100%, had my children wanted to join the military. Anyone I know who is either active or reserve or guard I encourage them to stay the course and make it a career. 9 years active Navy and 11 1/2 Alabama Air Guard. Now I am at the age to enjoy the benefits of those years. And I saw quite a bit of the US and Western Europe.

  2. Peggy Kozlik
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 12:15 am | Permalink

    I read your very moving and honest comment. I first all would like to say “thank You” for your time served. It is deeply appreciated and well respected by me. Though I never have been in the service I appreciate and are very grateful for anybody that gives their time and life to protect our safety of this country. Also if my children wanted to join the services, I would be scared for their lives I would respect their decision and pray everyday for their safe return home. God Bless You and Your Family!

  3. Posted September 25, 2012 at 12:15 am | Permalink

    Thank You! I served 4 years in the Navy and I agree totally with You……well put!

  4. Conard
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 12:21 am | Permalink

    As a fellow MP that’s currently serving in OEF now, I first want to say thank you for your service, as well as thank you for the article. I too have been asked that question over the years and I also gave a broad answer. But after reading your article and reflecting on my own 12 years of service, I too have came up with the same conclution as yourself. I would be proud if my daughter joined, if that was her discision. Thanks again.

  5. Kat
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 12:26 am | Permalink

    Great story, Levi;)

  6. James Abbatoy
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 12:41 am | Permalink

    As a recent (2009) retiree, I can honestly say I will spend the rest of my life remembering the good time and the bad. By and large the good times outweigh the bad. I would have to agree with Peggy’s last sentence. I would worry every day, but I would also be an extremely proud Dad.

  7. steve
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 1:02 am | Permalink

    i’m a vietnam vet and i would just like to say that i will support all of our troops today what ever they do or where ever they are doing it . but i would also like to say the U.S. government needs to feed our poor and homeless vet and people before they worry about other countries needs , our needs here in the u.s. are more important then any where else in the world

    • sillygoose
      Posted September 25, 2012 at 1:10 am | Permalink

      I agree brother

  8. Jeff B
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 1:04 am | Permalink

    Thankyou for your service! I served in the 80s and 90s and even then I too struggled with returning to the civillian life.Still feels like something is missing. My daughter now serves and I am very proud of her. jeff

  9. Posted September 25, 2012 at 1:29 am | Permalink

    I loved being in the army and had a great time, even being deployed to somalia was an awesome experience, had some of the best friends ever, I wouldn’t discourage any young people from serving, especially my kid if they chose to.. God bless all who serve!!

  10. Posted September 25, 2012 at 1:44 am | Permalink

    Not just no but hell NO. The first hint I hear about it with my kids and I am taking them straight to the nearest VA hospital to visit! How a nation treats those who are so willing to sacrifice so much at such a young age is very telling of how future veterans will be cared for! Then I will sit them down and tell them my story…1st Plt. Renegades, 10th MP Company, 10th Mountain Div. Fort Drum NY 1993 Graduate University Of Mogadishu, Somalia.

  11. Garry
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 1:53 am | Permalink

    Thank you for your service. I served from early to mid 60s. Welcome home and God bless.

  12. Posted September 25, 2012 at 1:53 am | Permalink

    1st and foremost, Thank you for your service. I’m an USAF veteran, served in Vietnam 1969-1970. Like you saw things there that will stay with me forever. All that you wrote is true and just how I felt when last year, my stepson came to me and told me he wanted to join the USAF. Asked me if it was the right thing to do, asked me what it was like in the AIr Force, Vietnam, etc. As I told him of my experiences there, something I don’t do often and always bring up bad memories, I kept thinking how do I answer him if it’s right thing to do. I had helped raise him since he was 12, he was only 17. I asked him why he wanted to join. He told me it was a way to get money for college, to travel, how when he graduates High School how there aren’t many jobs available. Then he said something that made me so damn proud, “Because I want to serve my country”. He asked me to help convince my wife and his Father to sign the papers. I did and after alot of tears she did. After he graduated high school he went off to BMT. This month, his Mom, Father, Sister, a good friend and I watched him graduate BMT. He too will be Security Forces and wants to make it his career. Watching him graduate I finally had my answer……..Yes it was the right thing to do. I saw the pride in him that he’s serving the country he loves as I had. I’m proud I served, and prouder that he’s serving his country.

  13. Posted September 25, 2012 at 2:55 am | Permalink

    This is the most inspiring story I´ve ever read about a service man. First I thank you for your service and then I thank you again. I would feel lucky and honored if I met a man like you. Your children, no your whole family have a treasure in you. Thank you for being.

  14. schweiggy
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 3:41 am | Permalink

    Thanks Levi, I was touched by your post. I wish young people would read this. Then they would understand why we are so proud of are Men and women that serve. But more so for them to read the kinda of character and man that it takes to be a solider. Also they have no idea what you and your friends had to go through to protect freedom for me and everyone else at home. God Bless you and your son is Lucky to have a Dad like you and a hero, even though he doesn’t know it yet. But we do!!!

  15. armysharpshooter
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 3:41 am | Permalink

    I served 26 years. I would gladly do it over again. Thanks to Levi and all my brothers and sisters in arms for their service. HOOAH!

  16. Molu
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 3:51 am | Permalink

    Thank you for your service!! My son is very set on joining the Marine Corps and you have made me feel better about his decision..it is hard for a mother to think of her son in harms way, but he is an honorable boy/man..thank you and god bless you and your family

  17. Whitewings
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 4:32 am | Permalink

    When I went in I made $98. per month, it was the cold war and nuclear death was always on our mind. I was in for Gary Powers getting shot down over Russia and the Cuban missile crises. Both times I watched the sky for in coming nukes. I have actively suggested to my grandaughter to go in. I hope she does.

  18. Michele L Grider
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 4:52 am | Permalink

    Thank you. As a female VietNam era vet, I could not have said it better.

  19. Posted September 25, 2012 at 5:36 am | Permalink

    I am a vet. Army. and knowing what I do about the way things are going, no i would not support any of my children’s decision to join.
    i know a lot more about the UN’s plans now. and about Builderberg’s. maybe if we kick out the UN but not right now.
    I swore to defend the Constitution not a political party

  20. Carolyn O
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 6:24 am | Permalink

    I was an AF Ammo troup in the 80′s and 90′s and remember the awesome places and people along with some of the best and worst of leadership. My son currently serves in the Marine Corps and although I worry everyday, I couldn’t be any more proud!

  21. Tailgate
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 12:39 pm | Permalink

    Two history teachers stated the following: Every person born or raised in a free, democratic society, owe a freedom debt. They are indebted to all who came before them, and sacrificed everything to maintain those freedoms. It doesn’t matter whether they work in civil service, community service, or military service. My gggg grandfather served two enlistments, the last was from May to August 1784. He refused any compensation: “I am proud to have served for a country that gave me a home”. I personally served almost 40 years in military service to help pay the debt of the intervening generations. It is imperative that all of us “serve our country”, or we will surely lose the very freedoms that too many “take for granted”.

  22. Posted September 29, 2012 at 3:30 am | Permalink

    I can say proudly that both of my sons followed my footsteps and have served. Neither has equaled my 22 years yet, but my youngest has served for close to 19 years now. His brother served for 12.

  23. Posted September 30, 2012 at 4:02 am | Permalink

    First off thank you for your service.I retired with 28 years,combined service(Navy/Army)I enlisted in 1969 and went to Navy Hospitalcorps school.Spent 3 1/2 tours in Viet Nam in country and 2 tours off the coast.
    I also had been involved with the first Persin Gulf War with the Army.
    My son enlisted in the Army and spent 8 years active,and spent the last 8 National Guard.(He’s been deployed 5 times so far.Yes I’m proud of my son,He enlisted because he said it was his duty to his country to protect the rights he was given.
    My son said I was his hero,but to me, my son is my hero….

  24. Bruce Rowan
    Posted October 6, 2012 at 3:25 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for serving. Many of us who served way back when initially volunteered because we didn’t want to be drafted. My two older brothers and I all enlisted, one Navy, two Air Force. The oldest got out before Nam. I was in when it ended.

    I have to say it changed my life, but I certainly didn’t try to push my sons into it. I simply mentioned it as an option. I must say that now I’m glad they didn’t have to go in, and chose not to. But I really think the Draft or some optional alternative service to country should be a requirement for all citizens, male and female. It would certainly make us all pay more attention to the US’s role and actions in the rest of the world.

    The question is rhetorical, anyway. I don’t think a parent has the right (or the ability, actually), either way to try to decide for their offspring.

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Levi Newman

Levi Newman is a 10-year U.S. Army veteran that served in multiple overseas assignments. He is currently finishing his degree on the G.I. Bill. He has covered veteran benefits and news as chief writer for the Veterans United Network and VA Benefit Blog. Levi enjoys traveling and spending his free time with his wife and three children.


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