So the next best thing is to get creative with the methods through which you say “I love you.” Here are several creative things you can do from the home front that serve that purpose.

Get creative to communicate “I love you” to your deployed spouse.

Girl Scout Cookies

Who doesn’t love them? Because your spouse is away and won’t have access to the delicious cookies, send his or her favorite type, a little piece of home. Even send extra boxes for your spouse to share, according to Baseguide. If your spouse doesn’t like these cookies, send his or her favorite snack to say “I love you.”

Love mugs

It’s a postcard, but better. Send your spouse a Postcup from Bailey Doesn’t Bark. That’s right, you write a message on the cup with a porcelain pen and send it to your spouse as a creative way of sending them love. Not only will they have a nice cup to drink out of, but they will also read your note on it every time they use it.

Take on a project

Perhaps your spouse started a project at home that was not finished before deployment. Even though the project might not be your cup of tea, take it over and make it your goal to finish it by the next time they return. According to Baseguide, ask your spouse’s friends for the best ways to do a certain project if you’re not sure. This act of selflessness will say “I love you” when your spouse comes home.

Photo book

If you’d prefer to send something that doesn’t require words, a photo book is a creative way to visually say “I love you.” Include photos from all stages of your relationship to create a memory book that your spouse can look at to refresh those memories.

Make a movie

According to Baseguide, you can take the photo idea even further by sending your spouse a video compiling clips from you and your spouse’s other loved ones. Have family and friends record a short video expressing their support for your spouse and put the videos all together to make a live montage of the people important to your spouse.

Get crafty

If you’re crafty, don’t be shy — your spouse will love a homemade craft from you and your children. Better Homes and Gardens lists thirty different crafts that say “I love you,” and will make perfect gifts to send to your spouse. Included are an I-love-you-notes jar, knitting kit, a pocket pillow and more.

Poetry

Sometimes all that’s necessary is good old fashioned poetry. It’s more creative than an ordinary letter, and it shows you put a good deal of effort and thought into what you said. Your spouse will love receiving an original poem from you describing all the reasons why you love him or her.

Treasure Box

Finally, a creative way to send your love is through a treasure box. This box should be filled with small things — little reminders from the past, present and future that hold significant meaning for both of you. Because your spouse won’t have much storage room, the smaller the better. But your spouse will be able to look at the mementos frequently and have a concrete way of staying connected to you while deployed.

Photo courtesy of Jeff Kubina

Whether or not spouses have children, deployment is a time when habits and behaviors tend to change temporarily, both out of necessity and out of choice.

Christine Lay with her son, Jamey, and husband, Andrew.

These changes can either relate to mundane chores or overall lifestyle patterns. The changes for spouses at home during deployment can include tasks such as taking out the garbage, getting kids ready for school and cooking meals. Changes regarding lifestyle can include sleeping habits, running family finances, picking up a new hobby and getting a part-time job.

Some spouses, like this military spouse, might sleep in later than usual or need background noise, such as a movie, to fall asleep. She also describes how it is difficult to find the resolve to cook full meals when her spouse is gone because leftovers would spoil.

Of course, some changes might not be negative. If spouses have different driving styles, the spouse at home might enjoy being able to drive a certain way or wear certain clothes he or she might not typically wear when the service member is home.

Getting used to the lifestyle changes, however, might take more time. “When Andrew was gone, our whole world changed,” said military spouse Christine Lay. “I was a single mom. That takes a toll after a little while.”

Lay said that in order to keep busy, she would spend time with other wives by going to the commissary, going out to lunch and letting their children play. She also said her husband usually took out the garbage when he was home, so she would often forget to take it out until there were three or four bags sitting by her kitchen door.

“My bond with my friends became tighter,” Lay said. “The friends I’ve made here at Fort Bliss are friends I will never forget or lose touch with. There are always those days where you feel like you can’t do it anymore, and that’s when you need that little pick-me-up from those friends, and that’s what they are there for.”

For Veteran Military Wife, author of Life Lessons of a Military Wife blog, her main habit changes dealt with everyday tasks and communication. “I run the household and the finances anyway, so the only change for us when he is gone is that we sometimes like to ‘play hookey’,” she said. “We’ll do things like eat breakfast for dinner or stay up late when we really shouldn’t. I’m also more lenient on the kids but probably shouldn’t be!”

Because her husband is not in areas where he can easily talk on the phone or Skype, they resort to email for the majority of their communication. They share daily updates, advice and interesting pictures or stories.

Whether significant or not, changes in habits and behavior are sure to result from deployment. Figuring out what works best when those habits change is the key to a successful deployment, relationship and family.

Photo courtesy of Christine Lay

Start thinking Autumn: the best care packages are planned & shipped early!

Yes, I know it’s only mid-August, but I noticed several bright red leaves on my maple tree this morning. Since the best care packages are usually planned in advance and shipped with plenty of time to spare, now might might be a good time to talk about autumn-themed care packages.

There are 3 good themes that run through the autumn season that are just right for care package ideas. Now’s the time to start picking things up so you are not rushing at the last minute or spending too much all at once.

Football care packages happen to be one of my husband’s favorites!

Are you ready for some football?

Football season is a sure sign that the leaves are about to fall! This year’s NFL season starts on September 5. Now is a good time to get a great care package put together for your favorite fan.

Ideas for a football season care package:

• His favorite team jersey
• Other team memorabilia (posters, pennants, mugs, etc.)
• a football
• Sports Illustrated or his other favorite sports magazine
• his favorite football snack (chips, jerky, nuts, etc.)
• Football schedule
• DVD recordings of games as the season progresses

Spooky, Fun and Delicious

Hot cocoa, coffee and apple cider are all cozy touches to add to care packages.

You will want to get the things for this box as soon as the spooky candy hits the aisle. Autumn begins a busy shipping time, so give these packages a few extra days when you ship.
Ideas for a Halloween care package:

• Candy Corn
• Suckers with a white tissue secured around them (ghost pops!)
• Pumpkin Seeds
• Spooky Decorations
• Hot Apple Cider Packets
• A Book of Ghost Stories
• Easy S’mores (Don’t send chocolate since it’s still hot this time of year. Instead, send graham crackers, marshmallows and Nutella.)
• DVDs of their favorite scary movie

Thankful Thursday

Remember to add pictures, personal notes, letters and craft projects from the kids for a personal touch.

Thanksgiving is a tough time of year to be away from your service member. It has been a long time since our family has been complete around the table for this special holiday. It’s hard to send a turkey overseas, but you can send a few items that will make him smile.

Ideas for a Thanksgiving care package:

• Pumpkin bread or cookies
• Spiced cider packets
• Hot cocoa packets
• Turkey jerky
• Thanksgiving decorations
• Thanksgiving art work from the kids (don’t forget the turkey made from a handprint!)
• Autumn scented candle or room deodorizing spray
• Dried fruit
• A special holiday card with small handwritten notes from friends and family on it stating what they are thankful for and a special note of thanks to your service member.

The most important thing is to think about your service member and what he or she will be most excited to receive. You know what he likes. You know what she doesn’t like. Keep their preferences in mind while you shop. Also have fun with it! Stuff the boxes with black and orange tissue paper for the Halloween box. Put plastic leaves in the Thanksgiving box. Make it fun and a create a special way to reach out to your deployed loved one.

Photo courtesy of Juushika Redgrave, eyeliam

Christine Lay’s husband, Andrew, just returned home from deployment. She is pictured here with her son, Jamey.

When Christine Lay’s husband came home, she described the feeling as “amazing,” if she could even put her excitement into words.

You might know Christine as the mother whose son, Jamey, received a service dog from Veterans United Foundation. But there’s a lot more to this military spouse. Her husband, Andrew Lay, returned home in July to El Paso, Texas, from deployment after being away for nine months.

Although she said their relationship grew stronger because of this challenge, it wasn’t always easy maintaining a sense of normalcy at home.

“It was hard having a kid and not having my husband here,” Christine said. “Basically being a single parent again is really, really hard.”

Even knowing for several months that Andrew was going to be deployed, she had no idea what to expect when that time came because it was his third deployment, but her first time experiencing it. “We heard so many horror stories about deployments, but it was probably a lot better than expected because we were in contact so much,” Christine said. “We were very, very lucky that we were able to talk almost every day through the Internet, Yahoo Messenger and Skype. He was able to purchase his own phone so he could call and text.”

The biggest adjustment during deployment, she said, was the change for her son, Jamey, especially because he has autism. She made sure to keep everything as normal as possible and to not uproot Jamey, who is five and a half years old and non-verbal. According to Operation Autism, unforeseen transitions and changes, which are common for military families, can be particularly traumatic. Although many military wives go home for Christmas, she and Jamey stayed where they were.

“He (Jamey) was very emotional in the beginning when he (Andrew) first left,” Christine said. “It got to the point where it was okay, and I had a poster made of my husband and put it in his room. Now that my husband’s back, it’s like he never left.”

During Andrew’s absence, she said her greatest support systems were her family in Arkansas and other Fort Bliss army wives who would call and come over to check on her.

When her husband returned home, communication in their relationship was even better than before. After Christine didn’t sleep for a week prior to his arrival because of the excitement, she said everything is now back to normal. “It worked out a whole lot better than I thought it would.”

As for giving advice to other military spouses in her position, she says the key is to not stress your spouse or yourself out, which she learned from experience. “Put on a happy face no matter what,” Christine said. “You kind of have to sit back and take it a day at a time.”

Photo courtesy of Christine Lay

It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. Here are a few ways you can express solidarity and work to ensure your military spouse knows you’ll always be there for them:

When reassuring your spouse consistency makes all the difference.

Get Embedded

One of the best ways you can show support for your spouse’s decision to join the military is to join it yourself—in the civilian sense. Get involved with your Family Readiness Group and try to find get-togethers and activities to get excited about. Try to meet some people and make some friends to establish a social life. Once your spouse sees that you can create a life alongside the military, his or her fear may be eased.

Communicate Carefully

Depending on whether your spouse is away on assignment, there are a few approaches to communicate in a way that shows your affection.

If your spouse is away, try to keep the communication consistent. Write regularly via email or post, but be sure not to promise anything you can’t deliver. Don’t promise to write every day if you know your schedule can get crazy. Falling back on a promise leaves room for doubt, so keep expectations realistic.

Also try to keep your communication open, but be sure to emphasize the good. If you two can only chat via phone, talk about some positive news such as some family fun or a new hobbyyou picked up. You can be honest about struggles you’re having, but be sure to

explain how you’re coping or trying to cope. Just expressing struggles may touch on a guilty feeling that he or she cannot be there for you. If they doubt they can meet your needs, their fear of you leaving may heighten.

One topic to ensure some investment is your future together. Perhaps you can talk about your future home, family or vacations.

When your service member needs extra assurance realize that this is just because he or she still needs to feel loved and needed, not that you are doing anything wrong.

Package Your Love in a Gift

You may not always be able to voice how you feel, but giving your spouse something tangible as a reminder of your affection can be helpful. It can be as simple as his or her favorite candy, movie, magazine or a picture.

Create a Scrapbook

The work and effort that goes into a scrapbook can be a great way to show that your relationship is worth it to you. You can show how much you appreciate old memories and it may even spark ideas to create new ones.

Photo courtesy of ianimmortal and nanny snowflake via Flickr.

Thankfully, the American Red Cross has a dedicated service to connect military families in times of emergency even when service members are stationed on ships, at foreign embassies or remote locations.

How will you get in contact with your service member when you have an emergency?

Examples of qualifying family emergencies include…

• Death or serious illness of an immediate family member
• Birth of a child or grandchild
• Immediate family is effected by a natural disaster

The Red Cross can carry a number of different messages to service members; so don’t be afraid to contact them to see how they can help.

If you are in need of emergency communication service, you can call (877) 272-7337 toll-free from the continental U.S.

Even if you think you can contact your service member through email or on the phone, you may want to have the Red Cross send an official message for verification. If this is the type of emergency that requires a trip home, the official Red Cross message can aid in a commanding officer’s decision to approve emergency leave.

Before you call make sure you gather some personal information to ensure your message is sent to the right person immediately. You’ll need to provide as much of the following information as possible

• Full Name
• Date of Birth
• Rank
• Branch
• Social Security Number
• Military Address

Rest easy during deployment knowing that no matter what happens, your service member can be reached through the American Red Cross

Photo thanks to Official U.S. Navy Imagery via Flickr Creative Commons

Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop people from claiming they understand as they try to counsel you. When Military Spouse Central, hosted by Veterans United, inquired on facebook about the most hurtful things military spouses have heard, an overwhelming number of responses mentioned things said about deployments.

You knew what you were signing up for. Get over it. My husband goes away on business trips all of the time. You must think about him dying all of the time.

Sound familiar? These comments can be hurtful and frustrating, but there are ways to maintain your mood as you approach the challenges of distance.

Keep Competition Out of the Emotion

There is no question that there are differences between your neighbor’s spouse leaving town for a week and your spouse going on a year-long tour of duty. There is also no denying your neighbor’s entitlement to miss their spouse. Sometimes conflict will arise when spouses try to define that entitlement by declaring their situation as better or worse.

On the Journey of a Navy Wife blog, spouses had a great discussion surrounding the “one-up” mentality of missing someone. One commenter who posted under the name Sailor Bride said: “I hate the one upper. Significant others are ALWAYS trying to one up each other–because they miss them more, they’re gone longer, their job is more dangerous, or they have children, so they’re entitled to miss them more.”

Each situation has its own challenges, but rather than argue about the severity of each situation, try to meet each other on the level of caring for someone to the extent of missing them.

Enable Yourself to Miss

Missing someone does not make you weak and was definitely not a right you signed away when you supported your spouse’s decision to enlist.

“I hate when you talk about missing your husband and people say, ‘Well, you knew he was going to get deployed.’ Yeah, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. It’s very insensitive,” said Sara Holycross, a reader from Military Family Central.

To miss someone is to realize you’re without access to a significant support of your wants and needs. It’s a natural response, so rather than let people make you feel weak or bad for telling them you miss a person, embrace the reality that you have a very special bond with your spouse in which many won’t experience in the same way.

Telling Spouses They’re Missed 

If you’re without access to chat, email, Skype or other communication tools, and you just need a way to cope with missing your significant other, try finding a fun way to tell them you miss them. Consider:

• Write a letter for every day or send a creative care package
• Deck out a calendar or create another system for the both of you to count the days until you reunite (tentative of course).
• Buy or create little “souvenirs” throughout the day to show that they were a part of it all
• Create fun photos/stories through Photoshop or compiling your images
• Seek refuge in an article of their clothing, blanket or favorite location and send a picture with happy memories you recall

The communication may be minimal and sporadic and the time spent waiting in between can lead to stress that ruins what time you do get to talk. It may be difficult, but it isn’t impossible.

Here are some things you can do to keep the romance throughout a deployment:

Day-to-Day Snippets

A way to keep your spouse connected to the home-life is to take pictures throughout one of your days. Compile them into a small book or newsletter with explanations of what was going on or how you were thinking about them.

Memory Collage

Pick a theme of good memories you had together. Compile pictures, tickets, notes and other items and make a collage. After you have a masterpiece, write a story about the memories or a story to make a future memory. Not only will this remind them of some of your best times together, but it will also remind them of what they love about you and get them ready to come home and make more memories.

Themed Scavenger Hunt

Decide on something that your spouse likes, such as a color or a specific object. Then when you’re out doing your day-to-day activities, you can snap a photo or purchase anything that relates to it. Send it in a care package and double up not only on giving them what they enjoy, but also show them how often you think of them.

Sleep Aids

Having a piece of your spouse’s clothing is just a sentimental way of comforting each other across the miles. Before they leave, send them with their favorite shirt of yours and keep one of theirs to sleep with. You can also decorate a special pillowcase with pictures, lyrics, quotes or whatever else is special between the two of you.

Hand Tracing

Sometimes there are moments when you wish you could just hold their hand. Have your spouse trace their hand before leaving and send them with a tracing of your own. It’s a small gesture but can help to ease separation anxiety.

Hidden Notes

Hiding notes throughout your spouse’s bag before they leave gives them surprises to find when you’re apart. If you’re being deployed, you can hide notes around the house. When you two need a pick-me-up, you two can give each other hints as to where you’ve hidden “the goods.”

Employ a Partner in Crime

If you know another veteran being deployed with your spouse, give him or her a stack of letters to distribute to your spouse throughout the deployment. They will be by their side and can distinguish the times when they feel your spouse could use some love. If you’re the one being deployed, you can do the same with a neighbor or family member near your spouse.

Jar of Notes

If you don’t have a partner in crime, leave notes for your spouse to pull out at their own discretion by filling a jar with encouraging notes and memories.

Cutesy Coupons

Show your spouse how much you look forward to them coming home by sending coupons they can redeem when they return. Perhaps they can be for a date to his favorite restaurant, cooking his favorite meal, a back rub or whatever else your spouse may enjoy.

Photo thanks to DVIDSHUB via Flickr Creative Commons

To ease the transition, families should have a communication strategy prior to deployment.

Traditional Communication Methods

Traditional methods of communication should not be overlooked because of new options that are available. Letters, care packages and phone calls are still great means of communication with a deployed service member.

Letters

Service members will always appreciate letters from home. When there are extended periods without contact they often reread letters to boost morale. Sending a handwritten letter is emotionally satisfying, while still inexpensive.

Care packages

Care packages are important. to help service members feel connected with their families. During deployment they provide a small piece of home to help ease loneliness.

Here are a few content suggestions:
• Pictures
• Magazines
• Favorite Snacks
• Home Videos

New Communication Methods

With proper preparation service members may be able to use the Internet to stay connected to their families. Innovations in technology allow families to communicate in new ways.

Email

For deployed military members an email is the electronic version of the letter. Providing service members with quick and up-to-date information, email allows families to keep everyone on the same page.

Free email accounts are available through Yahoo, Google or Hotmail providers.

Instant Messaging

Instant messenger services are convenient communication tools for active duty military members. Programs like Skype, Yahoo Messenger and AOL Messenger provide users with video and voice options along with the basic messaging tools.

Service members should keep in mind that there are differences in features among the services. Families should choose the instant messaging program that best fits their needs.

Skype

Skype provides the most comprehensive service. As long as both parties have a webcam and microphone video conferencing is possible. For families with children this provides a sense of togetherness and allows them to see their parent’s face.

Skype provides many services, including:
• Instant messages
• SMS Text messages
• Video Calls
• Skype to Skype calls
• Low-cost calls to landlines and cell phones around the world
• Skype Voice Mail

Military members should check to see what options are available where they will be deployed; they may be allowed to bring a laptop or cell phone..

Defense Switched Networks

An additional option for communication is DSN (Defense Switched Networks) lines that are provided by the military. Service members that are near a base with a DSN network can call a base located close to their family. Even though conversations are usually brief, DSN lines are additional options for sustaining a connection during the challenging separation.

A Cautious Note:
Service members deploying for the first time should take careful note of Operational Security procedures when it comes to communicating with family and friends back home.

Photo thanks to FamilyMWR via Flickr Creative Commons