Take this opportunity to familiarize yourself with the ins and outs of a military funeral.

Learn more about the history of many military funeral traditions.

Military Honors

Military honors at a funeral are available for military members who died while on active duty service or in the Selected Reserve. Additionally, honorably discharged veterans who served on active duty or in the Selected Reserve as well as former military members who completed at least one term of enlistment or term of obligated service in the Reserves are eligible. More information about funeral honors eligibility can be found through the Department of Defense.

Transfer

Depending on the location and terms of the funeral, there are often certain traditions about the transfer of the body to the place of interment. The casket is always covered with the flag with the stars over the left shoulder, according to patriotic tradition started during the Napoleonic wars.

With full military honors or the funeral of a president the casket is often carried by a horse drawn caisson. The horses on the left will have riders while the horses on the left are only saddled, stemming from the days when the horses on the right were typically carrying ammunition. In the case of an Army or Marine Corps office above the colonel grade, the caisson is followed by a horse with no rider symbolizing how the fallen will never ride again.

Example of an honor guard preparing to fire three volleys.

21-Gun Salute

One of the the best-known military tradition is the 21-gun salute, but few know the meaning behind it and the traditions that sparked it. A long-standing military tradition was to honor the dead by showing their weapons were no longer hostile. Whereas naval fleets traditionally discharge seven rounds in commemoration, their on-land counterparts were able to shoot three times as many for a total of 21.

However, at most military funerals what many mistake for a 21-gun salute is actually an honor guard team firing three volleys from rifles. This tradition comes from traditional battle ceasefires where each side would clear the dead. The firing of three volleys indicated the dead were cleared and properly cared for.

Bugler playing taps during a competition at Fort Myer.

Playing of Taps

A variation of an earlier bugle call, taps was composed by General Daniel Butterfield of the Union Army during The Civil War. Originally composed to signal “lights out,” the somber tune became a traditional way to honor servicemembers, eventually becoming a staple at funeral services to honor the extinguishing of a life.

Levi from the Veterans United Network folding the flag according to protocol.

Closing and Flag Protocol

At the end of the service, the flag is removed from the casket and carefully folded by the honor guard. Each fold represents something different and at the end only the stars are left showing on the top. Once the flag has been properly folded, a few of the shells may be inserted into the back fold before it is presented to the next of kin with an expression of gratitude for the sacrifice they have made.

Understanding the deep meaning behind the different aspects of a military funeral will help anyone get in touch with the rich history that influences military tradition today.

What other military funeral symbols do you know of?

Images courtesy of Derek Hartley, Beverly and Pack, The National Guard & Elvert Barnes

This year, Military Spouse Central was invited to attend the May 9 event, thanks to Circle of Moms by POPSUGAR who arranged for Military Spouse Bloggers to cover this event.

Mother and son at the Joining Forces Mother’s Day tea at the White House.

170 military members, spouses and their children were able to attend this intimate tea event. At the White House tea, the First Lady also recognized each of the finalists for Military Spouse the Year award as well as talking a little bit about Tricia Hines Ward, the overall winner of Military Spouse of the Year.

The kids seemed to both be filled with excitement and also remain completely unaware of how big an honor an invite to the
White House is.

The room was adorned with china tea cups and dainty cookies and an abundance of flowers. But what makes the event special is watching the delight on the children’s faces as they sit politely in their Sunday best and enjoy being at the White House!

Michelle spoke about the military family and the debt that we owe all the moms in military spouses, whether they are the service member or a military spouse.

“You help our country soar,” she said. “When somebody needs you — your family, community or your country — you answer the call every time”.

Prince Harry started helping the kids with their crafts, many of them unaware at first who he was. Whispers between the kids spread quickly though.

After Michelle Obama spoke about these remarkable military families, the kids made crafts for their mothers. They selected flowers for bouquets, made a snack, and crafted some jewelry.

And a prince showed up to lend a hand as well.

Prince Harry, who is visiting the states, also visited the event. The moms and daughters seemed equally thrilled at the chance to meet Prince Harry.

Prince Harry was excited to attend this special event.

The First Lady remarked that she would like to see this event, and the entire Joining Forces initiative be a “forever proposition” that will continue with succeeding presidents.

One of the most resilient characteristics of military families is their ability to find creative ways to help get through the many days and nights of deployment. One popular idea is a deployment wall.

A deployment wall is a collage of various elements relating to a deployment that can include anything that a family wants or finds useful. Elements that allow children to engage and learn about where their parent is can help kids focus on the less scary aspects of deployment.

To make a deployment wall, we suggest using colorful elements that are eye-catching but also coordinate with the room it is in.  Organize interactive elements low enough so children can reach them, but sturdy enough to withstand little hands. There is no need to purchase expensive pieces. Most elements like clocks and maps can be purchased at a dollar store. Simply gather scrapbooking paper supplies, pull up to your computer and let the creative juices flow. Cork boards, clipboards and poster board act as great bases to create displays on, too.

Possible Pieces for a Deployment Wall

•  Clock Display: Mounting two clocks, one set to the time of the deployed service member and one set to a family’s local time, gives kids an idea of what their parent may be doing. Connecting children’s minds with simple routines like sleeping, eating and working can help keep the presence of a parent in their mind. Because of their limited understanding of time, younger children may benefit more from a display of pictures that help them connect with their parents’ daily routines. Pictures of a parent’s sleeping quarters, mess hall, or outdoor environment might help little ones visualize what their parent may be experiencing better than just telling them.
•  Weather Forecast: Much like comparing times, displaying a weather forecast is just another way for a family to visualize what their loved one is feeling and seeing. All ages can visualize a sunny day or rainy afternoon. This can also give your kids an activity to look forward to updating once or more a week.
•  Mailbox/Envelope: One of the toughest things for families during deployment is limited communications with their loved one. However, by encouraging children to write to their parent as often as they want, communication can be preserved, albeit at a slower pace. Collect letters they leave on the wall and mail as often as possible. You can deposit letters mailed to the children from their parent in the box/envelope, too.
• Countdown: Many families also find deployment countdowns helpful. In the early days of deployment, “300 days until…” may seam daunting, but keeping track of progress can help in moments when you need any encouragement you can get. Some families opt to do a paper chain.  Count by days, weeks or even months. Just strike a balance between what is helpful but not too much work.

There is no right or wrong way to create a deployment wall. Check out these other great ideas for deployment walls: A Diamond in the Stuff and Semper Fi Momma -Fairy Door During Deployment.

No one knows your family like you do, so keep individual personalities in mind. What encourages one child, may not be so meaningful to another. So try to strike a balance. Also keep in mind that elements that require maintenance may hinder more than help. As with many things during deployment, the key is to keep it simple but meaningful.

Do you have any ideas for a deployment wall?

I am one of millions of American “military brats.” Here are five benefits I have received from my military family experiences.

Even though they don’t enlist, military kids serve their country in many ways. Be sure to check out other featured articles on our blog that highlight these special little heroes.

Experience and Appreciation of Diversity

Military children on average make more moves than their civilian counterparts. Therefore, they encounter many cultures and the experience helps them to appreciate the diversity in our world. Not many non-military children can say that they have lived in England, Germany, Korea or Japan.

When it comes to military children, I’m a bit of an exception. We lived on one military base — Fort Hood — for 12 years, but that didn’t prevent me from experiencing diverse culture. At my high school and in my neighborhood on base I had classmates and friends of many ethnicities and backgrounds. In addition, my mother is German, so I already came from a multicultural home. I learned much about different cultures then and I continue to carry a curiosity for and fascination by other cultures today.

Proficiency in Language Learning

Children are language sponges when they are young. When they grow up overseas they have opportunities to pick up a second language easily and fluently. The trick will be keeping it up when the family changes station. Even if the military child forgets the second tongue, having learned it will help their brain be more receptive to picking up new ones when they are an adult.

I grew up speaking English and German and still speak both today. Also, I’ve taken an interest in French, Spanish and Latin. I don’t imagine I’ll be speaking Latin anytime soon.

Adaptability to New Environments and Situations

As stated above, military children move on average more than their non-military peers. That means, in addition to the benefit of engaging diverse cultures and ideas, they constantly have to make new friends and acclimate to new places. At first, this can be stressful and at times saddening, but over time military children pick up a very important skill — adaptability — which will aid them in school, the work place and life in general.

Today, my adaptability has served me well — I’ve survived six moves so far as an adult, and I enjoy friendships from around the world.

Desire to Serve Others

Not everyone joins the military for the primary reason of service, but over time each military member comes to live a life of service — to give to and sacrifice for others and a cause greater than themselves. Military children recognize the importance of sacrificial service.

“Being in a military family I can appreciate the veterans and their families more,” Andy, a military child aged 11, told Time. “I relate to what they sacrificed because my dad went to war too.”

My adult life has been all about service. As a teenager I wanted to the join the military, following the footsteps of my father. So, after college I joined the Air Force as an officer and even did one tour in Afghanistan. I left the Air Force after three years to enter the seminary. Although, I learned that ministerial service was not for me I learned that I wanted to serve through education. Currently, I am in school working my way towards a Ph.D.

Connection to Other Military Children

Not only do military children make friends from all over the country and the world, there is a special bond that exists between military children. It’s the equivalent of learning that someone is from your hometown plus the shared experiences of moves, parent deployments and generic AAFES brand products.

Many times I have met other adult military brats and we hit it off when we learn of each other’s background, waxing nostalgic over wearing our parents’ camo and eating their MREs when they have returned home from “the field.”

Photo courtesy of U.S. Army

The additional stress of being a parent or spouse in the military community can make finding and keeping a job even harder. For this reason, the military community has been a primary focus for FMLA legislation over the past 20 years. Recent changes to FMLA specifically address issues faced by the military community.

The modern employee is no longer tied to a cubicle with the use of laptops, tablets and smart phones use dominating the workplace.

Updates to Exigency Leave

The biggest changes came in defining and extending what is considered exigency leave. Members and family members of all regular Armed Forces and National Guard or Reservists qualify for up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave due to active duty or a call to duty. The definition of active duty was further clarified to specify only orders to or in a foreign country count.

Exigency leave also now includes parental care, where time may be taken off to arrange for the care of the parents of a military member. This doesn’t include providing the care themselves, but does cover the time it takes to arrange care from a third party.

Additionally, family members are now eligible to spend up to 15 calendar days bonding with a military member on R&R. These days may be taken intermittently and the number of days available should correspond to the length of leave.

Military Caregiver Leave

Eligible FMLA employees whose family members are recent veterans with injuries or illnesses that were caused by or aggravated by their service and this includes illnesses that present themselves during and or up to five years after service. Further explanation of covered illnesses can be found here or on the DOL website.

FMLA & The Modern Workplace

Other updates include expanding health care provisions, flight crew eligibility requirements and new rules for calculating the increments of intermittent FMLA leave. Although the protection provided by the FMLA is very useful for employees, especially those in the military community, there are some shortcomings that the law struggles to address. First, only about 60 percent of employees in the U.S. are covered, leaving the rest at the mercy of employers who may not be sympathetic to the work-life balance.

Additionally, the workplace itself is changing for many companies and the law should be following suit. Many companies are adopting more flexible schedules and considering the heavy reliance on the Internet and computers, the modern employee is more mobile than ever and potentially able to work from home. Just as it is interesting to see how FMLA has changed over the years due to the needs of the communities that use it most, it will be interesting to see how FMLA changes to a culture that values a work-life balance more than ever before.

Image courtesy eperales

A new bill proposed in Texas is hoping to relax the rules a bit for the unique situations military families experience. Will it work?

A proposed bill in Texas will help military families spend more time together before and after deployment.

Difficulties

Due to current attendance policies, some military children may not be able to spend much time with their service member parent before and after deployment, as well as during leaves. School districts face strict regulation when it comes to student absences. Attendance important to make sure students stay on top of their studies, and districts receive funding based on it.

Although these rules are in place for good reasons, military families don’t have a choice when it comes to deployment. School is obviously important, but so is spending time with a parent before they will be gone for months on end or as they make the transition back to civilian life.

Proposed Solutions

The proposal, currently limited to Texas, would extend the number of allowed excused absences to a maximum of 10 for any student who’s parent is in a uniformed service about to deploy, on a leave or returning from a deployment of six months or longer. Without having to fight bureaucracy, military families will have more time together.

Military families often don’t have a choice when it comes to deployment.

Deputy Superintendent of Learning in the Ft. Worth district, Michael Sorum, agrees “Allowing our military families some extra time to adjust to an imminent departure will help students and families be more successful. We know that military parents understand the importance of doing well in school and we know that they will use these extra privileges judiciously.” As long as children are able to catch up on their missed work, this time will be invaluable to easing the transitions associated with deployments.

MIC3

The proposed bill in Texas fits with a growing national support to help military families be successful in spite of the added difficulties. The Military Interstate Children’s Compact Commission, also known as MIC3, is a group that gets state school boards to agree to rules that address challenges that may hold back military children.

When a state joins the compact, their state agrees to a set of uniform standards for enrollment, activity eligibility, class placement and graduation rules that may hold back military children due to the complicated process of transferring school several times. As of now, 43 states have joined so be sure to take advantage of this resource if you are having any problems transferring schools.

Whether you’re changing school districts or facing a deployment at your current school, be sure to check out the resources available and always make teachers and administration aware right away to avoid any problems down the road.

Images courtesy of USDAgov & The U.S. Army

There are a variety of ways you can fill an Easter care package – there’s no right or wrong answer. Here are some fun and creative ways to get your loved one in the Easter spirit.

Decorations

The first step when creating a care package is to go to your local post office and buy a flat-rate box. From here, let your artistic talents show! Paint the box or cover it with fun stickers. Include Easter grass inside to really get festive. An Easter card or a picture of the two of you is a great way to add a touch of personalization. Fill the box with Easter eggs – they even come in camouflage print – and fill them with candy or little notes of encouragement. Pictures from past Easter celebrations or drawings from your children are sure to make him or her smile.

Food

For food, personalization is key. You know best what your loved one craves or enjoys eating. Candy such as Peeps, Starbursts or jelly beans are great for celebrating Easter and can handle different weather conditions abroad. Sugar cookies shaped like Easter eggs are another easy and fun idea. Fixings for Easter dinner, such as instant potatoes or canned yams, will really make your loved one feel like they’re at home.

Fun

This is a great place to get creative and festive. Add touches of fun and silly items to your package. Little toys and games like crossword puzzles or Silly Putty work great. An egg dying kit that only needs water will get your solider and the rest of his unit really in the holiday spirit. If they make friends with someone in the chow hall, you might be able to smuggle out some hard-boiled eggs to color. A “Happy Easter” banner or other similar decorations are perfect for hanging up around his or her room.

Spending time apart, especially during a holiday, is never easy, but a themed care package is a great way to celebrate and keep traditions alive.

And that insight can amount to a lot of unique feelings that come with being married to the military. How do milspouses cope with love, loss and leaving?

Ali still wanted to send out a family photo in their yearly Christmas card even though they were spending the holidays apart. We love her creative idea!

“My husband, Trevor, missed his sister’s wedding during his first deployment. I know it’s still hard for him when he thinks about missing it.  It’s hard for his sister, too,“ she said. An issue constantly affecting military spouses and service members alike is learning how to deal with missing big events.

A fine line must be straddled between being open enough so there is no resentment without bringing it up so much no one can move past it. It seems the best course of action is to be open with your feelings without dwelling on a negative event and focus on something positive.

“For the last New Year’s he missed, I still went to a party with friends and had him on FaceTime on my phone all night.  (My phone) was passed around and he got to talk to everyone at the party and we rang in the New Year together the best way we could.”

It’s this kind of dedication to making things work that keeps spirits high, even when someone can’t be there for something big, but you can’t always pull off the best surprises alone. Ali enlisted the help of her husband’s friends to help celebrate their third wedding anniversary.

“A friend of ours, who was also deployed at the time, came up with the idea to throw Trevor a surprise anniversary party and have me on video chat,” she said. “About 10 guys got together and grilled…and had me on video chat.  It was morning here, so I made myself a nice, big breakfast and a mimosa.  Even though we were on opposite sides of the planet, it was a very special anniversary that neither of us will ever forget!”

“We’ve never had a problem making an important event special regardless of circumstances.”

Every Event is a Big Event

It’s not the big stuff that gets Gibbs, it’s the little stuff. And lots of little events can add up. She confides in the community she has around her to cheer her up.

“Any event missed by a deployed service member seems like a big one to me,” says Gibbs. “When my best friend was deployed with her husband, I went along on their son’s preschool field trip to the local food co-op.  I don’t know that any parent would see that as a major event in their child’s life, but when neither mom nor dad can go, it’s a big event.”

Sharing Your Story

Gibbs’ blog has been a great help to getting past these military hurdles.

“Some of the longer, more popular military-related posts were sparked from speaking with our state chaplain,” she said. “He reminded me those struggles are so common and other families could surely benefit from hearing our story and encouraged us to write about it so we did.”

The blog has grown over several years to include several crucial life moments like missed events, getting engaged, deployment, reintegration and most recently, having a baby.

“I guess, at the end of the day, this is our life and I love it.  We have met some wonderful people, learned some very important lessons, and become such a strong couple.  Our ability to effectively and respectfully communicate with each other is second to none,” said Gibbs.

Photos courtesy of Ali Gibbs

This month’s winners are Army spouses Rebekah Corcoran and Holly Bell. Each will receive a $50 coupon to the Veterans United gear store. Here are their outstanding responses.

December’s winning reader stories touch on the difficulties of spending holidays apart and how military spouses can cope.

Never Truly Alone

Rebekah Corcoran, Army spouse

I grew up in foster care. As such, I knew what it was like to spend holidays alone. When I married my husband, now Staff Sgt. William (K.C.) Corcoran, we made our own family. As a military spouse I knew there would be times when we would spend the holidays apart.

K.C. and the rest of the 62D EOD Company deployed to Afghanistan in July of 2010 for a year-long deployment. I didn’t think much about Christmas that July when we said our goodbyes. As the warm weather grew colder and the beautiful colors of fall danced around Colorado it became more and more apparent that no matter how much I might wish to skip the holiday season the holiday season was simply not going to skip by me.

As December approached, I wondered what the Christmas season would bring. Both of my parents are deceased and I had no home to go back to. With our husbands gone, my fellow local military spouse friends took the opportunity to visit family back in their home states. I made the decision, even if I was going to spend it alone, to make the best out of Christmas.

So, I dragged our eight-foot Christmas tree out of storage, and I struggled to put each limb on, fluffing out the green and making it stand perfectly tall. With the help of a ladder, blasting Christmas music and a blazing fire in the fireplace I decorated our house. I hung the ornaments that we had bought together over the years and smiled at the memories we had made. I made myself a cup of homemade hot chocolate and read the emails and cards my husband had mailed me from thousands of miles away in a war zone. And on Black Friday, I stood in line for hours at Best Buy to send him a Christmas care package full of the goodies he didn’t have access to out there.

On Christmas morning, I opened the package he had sent to me, after weeks of using every ounce of self-control I possessed not to open it. His voice on the other end of the phone was the best Christmas present I could have gotten. As we talked I sat under the Christmas tree and described it to him and he told me about the day he had defusing bombs in Afghanistan. Bombs didn’t care what day of the year it was. We made plans for next Christmas and planned our future together.

This Christmas, we have a beautiful 5-month-old baby boy, born from our love and passion for each other. I will never again be alone on Christmas, as my son will always be there, but then again, even with KC deployed, I wasn’t truly alone. Our hearts and spirits spent Christmas together, they soared across the miles that separated us and danced together under that Christmas tree for we shared in love and hope. Hope that he would come home safe from war, and he did.

Creating New Traditions

Holly Bell, Army spouse

You see posts online and hear comments in the line at the commissary. “It just doesn’t seem like Christmas time. I decorated the tree, hung the lights, bought the presents and still nothing. My soldier is deployed, so it just isn’t the same.”

When your Soldier is deployed, nothing feels the same. So, I decided that I am not going to celebrate the holidays like I would traditionally do if my husband was home. I am on a mission to create new traditions for the holidays that happen during deployment instead of making myself miserable and depressed because I can’t recreate something when the key piece is missing.

Thanksgiving is a no-cooking, do-whatever-you-want sort of day. My daughter and I were going to go out to eat but decided that we didn’t want to. So we heated up some leftovers watched some movies and did nothing. That in itself is more than enough for me to be thankful for. It was a welcome break. When my hubby returns he will be making a smoked turkey and we will whip up all the trimmings and spend all day watching football since neither of us have watched this year because it is something we do together and it’s not the same when he’s gone.

Christmas is the holiday that I go all out for — every decoration in my home is taken down and replaced with something Christmas. It is my very favorite holiday. This year will be the first year that I will not have my husband with me. So I am going to create a new tradition. I sent my husband a mini-tree with 25 numbered presents. One for each day leading up to Christmas but, before he can open it, he has to guess what’s inside. If he guesses more right than wrong, he wins, and if not, then I do. I can’t wait to see who wins. When he comes home we will have a Christmas as well.

I think the key to making it through the holiday season is welcoming your own deployment traditions. Not forcing yourself to pretend that the things you share with your soldier are just as fun without him.

Photo courtesy of koka_sexton

The result is that moving frequently can take its toll on the family, and although its members might grow accustomed to the process, adjusting to life in a new city is always gradual at first.

So when a military family not only has to move, but move overseas, the adjusting period is amplified by multiple factors, such as unfamiliarity, language and culture. How, then, do military families adjust to living overseas?

Military families have to adjust to life overseas.

It might not be easy, but there are certainly ways to help military families and spouses feel more at home in a foreign country. According to Military Hub, “The United States military has troops deployed in nearly 130 countries around the world performing a variety of duties.” Lesson No. 1 is that if you’re a military family living abroad, you are not alone. The knowledge that countless other families have gone through this should be encouraging.

Another way for military families to adjust is to take advantage of support, services and encouragement available from a particular service branch. Plentiful resources exist within U.S. bases abroad, and they are ready to help.

Outside the bases, the cultural differences will become more apparent. According to Best World Travel Destinations, misunderstandings can occur due to these differences. Military families will adjust to another culture better by making an effort to learn the common cultural practices of their new location including body language and eating. Language can be a bigger issue at times, unless the foreign country is primarily English-speaking. To deal with this, it is best to learn the most common words and phrases of the language, even if it takes a little time. This will help families in the long run to navigate the city smoothly.

One military spouse who is quite versed in adjusting to living overseas is Air Force wife, Heather Blackman. She and her husband are currently at Spangdahlem Air Base in Germany for their very first duty station. Her husband finished Air Force basic training and school in late July, and the couple moved to Germany in August, so she knows what it’s like to have to move quickly and far.

“We actually PCS’ed expecting our first child,” Blackman said. “Honestly, moving to a different country can be very nerve-wracking and a little scary because you’re not sure what to expect. Upon arriving here, we have met different people who are very friendly and always willing to help. It’s basically a life saver as you’re trying to settle into somewhere new and different. We actually are having to visit a hospital off-base to see an OB, but the doctors and staff are very friendly, informative and caring.”

Even though a country overseas can seem intimidating, people will want to help you adjust, which can make the process much easier. If you have children, schooling for them will depend on the location. Some cities that have good educational systems, according to Best World Travel Destinations, might require children to go to a local school, where they will also likely learn the local language. Other cities might have schools set up on the military base by the Department of Defense. The DoD Education Activity will ensure schooling arrangements are made.

As far as housing, it takes time to adjust like the other aspects of living abroad. “Moving into a new house and settling into a new life can be frightening or exciting; I feel like it’s best to go with the most positive feeling so you don’t get so homesick,” Blackman said.

“While it may be harder for some than others, it really is a great experience. Being introduced into a new culture and even a different way of living is such an amazing opportunity that not everyone is blessed with. You can almost definitely learn patience, since there is a language barrier with some. Just being aware of someone else’s way of life is an eye opener.”

Photo courtesy of jim.greenhill