According to the research, “when the average, non-military American thinks about the United States’ conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, he or she generally associates the stressors and casualties of the wars with the active-duty services members.”

Contrary to these findings, the spouses typically endure comparable amounts of stress, but their health care needs are often obscured by a primary concern for the soldier. Fortunately, reliance on self-care and spousal support can offer a viable means to cope.

Taking up a hobby, such as yoga, is just one way to recharge.

Do Something For Yourself

“Many of us worry about putting ourselves first. We worry we’re being selfish or we’re not living up to our duties as a spouse,” Deployment Diva blogger Jessica Aycock writes. “In life, there has to be a balance of give and take. Think about the last time you did something for yourself.”

Spouselink.org, a website dedicated to connecting military spouses through “supportive, informative, and inspiring” articles, cites self-care as a basic need to efficiently manage the stress. Even taking a few minutes a day to relax can be beneficial. Starting a hobby, such as yoga, taking a nap, or taking a walk can also provide an outlet to recharge, supplying the energy necessary to handle the highs and lows of the military life.

Proactive, Not Reactive

Another way to reduce stress is to learn how to be proactive rather than reactive. If the same cycle of challenges are the cause of frustration, it may be possible to mentally prepare in advance. First, take a look at expectations – are they realistic? Second, accept what cannot be changed. Especially in repetitive situations, these preventative measures can drastically reduce stress by knowing what to expect.

Finding a “Battle Buddy” can perhaps be the greatest savior of spousal sanity during a significant other’s deployment. Connecting with fellow military spouses is easier than ever, with countless online groups and blogs dedicated to supporting one another. Military.com, an online organization that even offers a “Buddy Finder” feature, praises military spouse friends for their ability to understand and relate without judgement.

“Bottom line: They just get it. There is no explaining things in detail, there is no need to have to call out for help; MilSpouses just know, they understand, they empathize, and they will listen and try to help without being asked.”

Stick With Other Military Spouses

Various readers rang in on the importance of befriending other military spouses, with reasons of reliable and unconditional support, valuable mentor insight, and even comic relief. While military life isn’t exactly funny, sometimes a good laugh can be a hearty reminder not to take everything so seriously.

Army spouse Kay Wise writes about the MilSpouses that embody each of these qualities. The “Hooah” spouse is reliable; this is the person that will be willing to help in whatever way possible at any given time. The “Seasoned” spouse is experienced and knowledgeable, always ready to give advice. Got a question? If this spouse doesn’t know the answer, he or she will know someone who does. The “Friend” spouse is perhaps the closest – one to trust and call for a shoulder to cry on.

Not only is there no better reason to take the time for some self-appreciation, there’s no one more deserving.

Photo courtesy Tomas Sobek

Washing machines can be hidden dangers to children.

When parents think of household dangers to children, most would probably cite coffee spills, hot stoves, sharp objects and bathtubs as examples of things that commonly cause harm to children. But what about the rest of the house? It might come as a surprise that certain objects such as washing machines and televisions can pose a risk to kids.

In order to keep your home as safe as possible for your children, here are a few hidden household dangers to look out for.

Loose Cords

Cords dangling from window shades do not immediately seem like a threat to a child’s safety. But a young child who starts playing with a cord can accidentally get caught in it, leading to injury or worse. According to CNN.com, parents should tie up loose cords that hang low to the ground from blinds so a child won’t be able to reach it. Also avoid placing furniture that children can climb on in front of a window.

The same goes for bungee or power cords. Aside from tripping a child, power cords can cause electrical burns, according to CNN.com. Put power cords away whenever possible, and if they must stay out, try to not leave them out in the open.

Changing Light Bulbs and Batteries

Light bulbs can be dangerous in their own right, due to heat, breakage or chemicals. And if you change a light bulb while your child watches below, this can cause even more damage than a light bulb simply breaking. Because changing a light bulb is a tricky and delicate process, make sure your child is not watching underneath. Glass could shatter or chemicals could get into eyes, so make sure your children are a safe distance away, according to Global Children’s Fund. This applies to batteries as well because corrosive acid could fall into a child’s eyes on accident.

Washing Machines

Finally, washing machines can be a danger to children, especially if the machine is top-loading, according to MSN. If there is water in the machine, a small child could become submerged and perhaps burned in hot water. A spinning basin could also pose danger to a child. Be sure not to leave your children unattended in the laundry room, and don’t leave a way for them to climb on the washing machine in case they get into the room.

Although many more household dangers exist, these are ones that might not come to mind so quickly. Taking precaution will greatly lower the chances of such a disaster occurring.

Photo courtesy of jim212jim

And that insight can amount to a lot of unique feelings that come with being married to the military. How do milspouses cope with love, loss and leaving?

Ali still wanted to send out a family photo in their yearly Christmas card even though they were spending the holidays apart. We love her creative idea!

“My husband, Trevor, missed his sister’s wedding during his first deployment. I know it’s still hard for him when he thinks about missing it.  It’s hard for his sister, too,“ she said. An issue constantly affecting military spouses and service members alike is learning how to deal with missing big events.

A fine line must be straddled between being open enough so there is no resentment without bringing it up so much no one can move past it. It seems the best course of action is to be open with your feelings without dwelling on a negative event and focus on something positive.

“For the last New Year’s he missed, I still went to a party with friends and had him on FaceTime on my phone all night.  (My phone) was passed around and he got to talk to everyone at the party and we rang in the New Year together the best way we could.”

It’s this kind of dedication to making things work that keeps spirits high, even when someone can’t be there for something big, but you can’t always pull off the best surprises alone. Ali enlisted the help of her husband’s friends to help celebrate their third wedding anniversary.

“A friend of ours, who was also deployed at the time, came up with the idea to throw Trevor a surprise anniversary party and have me on video chat,” she said. “About 10 guys got together and grilled…and had me on video chat.  It was morning here, so I made myself a nice, big breakfast and a mimosa.  Even though we were on opposite sides of the planet, it was a very special anniversary that neither of us will ever forget!”

“We’ve never had a problem making an important event special regardless of circumstances.”

Every Event is a Big Event

It’s not the big stuff that gets Gibbs, it’s the little stuff. And lots of little events can add up. She confides in the community she has around her to cheer her up.

“Any event missed by a deployed service member seems like a big one to me,” says Gibbs. “When my best friend was deployed with her husband, I went along on their son’s preschool field trip to the local food co-op.  I don’t know that any parent would see that as a major event in their child’s life, but when neither mom nor dad can go, it’s a big event.”

Sharing Your Story

Gibbs’ blog has been a great help to getting past these military hurdles.

“Some of the longer, more popular military-related posts were sparked from speaking with our state chaplain,” she said. “He reminded me those struggles are so common and other families could surely benefit from hearing our story and encouraged us to write about it so we did.”

The blog has grown over several years to include several crucial life moments like missed events, getting engaged, deployment, reintegration and most recently, having a baby.

“I guess, at the end of the day, this is our life and I love it.  We have met some wonderful people, learned some very important lessons, and become such a strong couple.  Our ability to effectively and respectfully communicate with each other is second to none,” said Gibbs.

Photos courtesy of Ali Gibbs

Want a flirty photo to give your service member during an upcoming deployment? Try on some of these saucy outfits for an extra kick.

Rosie the Riveter inspired outfits have a patriotic feel.

Get a vintage vibe

Vintage photography and fashion are all about the details.

Little touches like floral hairpins, cat-eye glasses or a strand of pearls are a great way to give a casual nod to 1950s fashion. Scour your local vintage shops — especially those that boast a large selection of costume jewelry — and online shops specializing in secondhand, such as eBay, Etsy and Ruby Lane.

If you’re ready to really commit to a retro look — or are planning a pin-up style photo shoot — there are a few other pieces you’ll need to pick up.

For the playful pin-up, search for halter tops with a sweetheart neckline, high-waisted shorts or capris and a pair of espadrilles. Short-sleeved button-ups and three-quarter-sleeved cardigans are also crucial for casual wear.

Channel a bit of old Hollywood glamor for a sultrier look. Try a body-hugging wiggle dress — one that tapers from hips to hemline — or a pencil skirt to accentuate an hourglass figure. For a more figure-forgiving option, try a circle skirt with crinoline. The fullness will make your waist look narrower.

Dressier options should be worn with sheer black stockings, round-toed pumps and an elegant pair of elbow-length gloves.

Shopping for true vintage pieces can be expensive and exhausting. If you do choose to go this route, prepare to invest a good amount of time, energy and money into your outfit. Most vintage pieces will need to be expertly tailored for a more flattering fit. On the other hand, you’ll wind up with a garment that no one else has.

In addition to local vintage shops, there are a number of online shopping options. In addition to the sites mentioned above, be sure to check out sites such as Rusty Zipper, Art Fire and Nelda’s Vintage.

Fortunately, the rising popularity of pin-up fashion has made it increasingly easy to find vintage-inspired garments at affordable prices. Check out sites such as ModCloth, Heartbreaker Fashion and Bettie Page.

Imitate retro intimates

If your photo shoot is more foxy than family-friendly, you might be in the market for some vintage-inspired lingerie. Once again, look for pieces that enhance your natural shape. A corset will cinch your waistline, while a bustier-style bra will boost your bust. Pair with high-waisted briefs — a popular ’50s style — for flattering and full coverage. Pin-up girls were also big fans of hosiery. Check out this excellent review of the various options from The Everyday Pinup Girl.

Your best bet when shopping for old-school unmentionables? Visit a specialty bra shop or department store with a bra-fitting specialist. Explain the look you’re trying to achieve and let them help you with precise body measurements. A perfect fit will go a long way toward achieving pin-up appeal.

Feel confident taking your own measurements? Try online retailers such as Dollhouse Betty, which offers a huge selection of vintage and vintage-inspired lingerie.

Here are a few more looks we put together:

Photo courtesy mark sebastian

Although the concept of the pin-up predates the 20th century, its prevalence in modern conflicts has faded to the background. Still, there’s a few women keeping the flame alive for pin-ups, and keeping morale up the best way they know how.

World War II plane with a pin-up of Betty Grable as nose art.

“Pin-up art has been a part of military history since World War II,” said Gina Elise, founder of non-profit Pin-Ups for Vets, which raises money for veterans’ healthcare. “Artists painted pin-ups on the nose of the aircraft to boost morale for the air crews. The crews liked to imagine that a beautiful lady was watching over them and protecting them.”

According to Militaryspot.com, movie stars such as Betty Grable and Rita Hayworth were the most common pin-ups depicted during World War II. From the 1930s through 1972, Gil Elvgren was the most famous artist of the kind worldwide.

After the war, pin-up style clothing made its way into mainstream commercialization, and pin-up art and photography moved to celebrities. In 1949, photographer Tom Kelley photographed Marilyn Monroe in pin-up fashion, and in 1953, Playboy highlighted her in this pin-up style.

“When we dress up as pin-ups to visit hospitalized vets, we evoke the history of the pin-up and their long-standing ties to military culture,” said Elise.

As pin-up photography became its own art form in the 1950s and 1960s, the genre became more acceptable in places other than war zones.

Although the concept of the pin-up became muddled in the 70s and 80s, artists such as Dave Stevens kept pin-up history and art alive during that time. And in recent years, the idea of the pin-up has reemerged in art and photography, especially in military communities where it signifies honor and valor.

Modern Relevance

The nostalgia of the style has reached a noticeable popularity with military spouses and girlfriends, and created quite the vintage dress and makeup trend.

Gina Elise donates all of the proceeds from Pinups for Vets to veteran and military causes.

“Although the pin-up aesthetic was linked to military culture in the 1940s, the love of pin-up art by service members has continued throughout the decades,” said Elise. “Today’s recent veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan collect the art in the form of vintage tin signs, and even tattoos.”

And she keeps the history of the pin-up going through her non-profit work as well.

“When we dress up as pin-ups to visit hospitalized vets, we evoke the history of the pin-up and their long-standing ties to military culture,” said Elise. “For the World War II vets, it’s almost like being transported to decades past, to a time to when they were very young and strong. Our visits to veterans’ hospitals awaken past memories of some of their proudest moments. All of the veterans appreciate our visits because they know that pin-ups were a piece of ‘The Greatest Generation,’ a generation of veterans that they look up to. They experience a piece of that history when we enter their room, and hopefully for a brief moment, they forget that they are in a hospital.”

Photos courtesy bulliver, zawezome and Gina Elise

The result is that moving frequently can take its toll on the family, and although its members might grow accustomed to the process, adjusting to life in a new city is always gradual at first.

So when a military family not only has to move, but move overseas, the adjusting period is amplified by multiple factors, such as unfamiliarity, language and culture. How, then, do military families adjust to living overseas?

Military families have to adjust to life overseas.

It might not be easy, but there are certainly ways to help military families and spouses feel more at home in a foreign country. According to Military Hub, “The United States military has troops deployed in nearly 130 countries around the world performing a variety of duties.” Lesson No. 1 is that if you’re a military family living abroad, you are not alone. The knowledge that countless other families have gone through this should be encouraging.

Another way for military families to adjust is to take advantage of support, services and encouragement available from a particular service branch. Plentiful resources exist within U.S. bases abroad, and they are ready to help.

Outside the bases, the cultural differences will become more apparent. According to Best World Travel Destinations, misunderstandings can occur due to these differences. Military families will adjust to another culture better by making an effort to learn the common cultural practices of their new location including body language and eating. Language can be a bigger issue at times, unless the foreign country is primarily English-speaking. To deal with this, it is best to learn the most common words and phrases of the language, even if it takes a little time. This will help families in the long run to navigate the city smoothly.

One military spouse who is quite versed in adjusting to living overseas is Air Force wife, Heather Blackman. She and her husband are currently at Spangdahlem Air Base in Germany for their very first duty station. Her husband finished Air Force basic training and school in late July, and the couple moved to Germany in August, so she knows what it’s like to have to move quickly and far.

“We actually PCS’ed expecting our first child,” Blackman said. “Honestly, moving to a different country can be very nerve-wracking and a little scary because you’re not sure what to expect. Upon arriving here, we have met different people who are very friendly and always willing to help. It’s basically a life saver as you’re trying to settle into somewhere new and different. We actually are having to visit a hospital off-base to see an OB, but the doctors and staff are very friendly, informative and caring.”

Even though a country overseas can seem intimidating, people will want to help you adjust, which can make the process much easier. If you have children, schooling for them will depend on the location. Some cities that have good educational systems, according to Best World Travel Destinations, might require children to go to a local school, where they will also likely learn the local language. Other cities might have schools set up on the military base by the Department of Defense. The DoD Education Activity will ensure schooling arrangements are made.

As far as housing, it takes time to adjust like the other aspects of living abroad. “Moving into a new house and settling into a new life can be frightening or exciting; I feel like it’s best to go with the most positive feeling so you don’t get so homesick,” Blackman said.

“While it may be harder for some than others, it really is a great experience. Being introduced into a new culture and even a different way of living is such an amazing opportunity that not everyone is blessed with. You can almost definitely learn patience, since there is a language barrier with some. Just being aware of someone else’s way of life is an eye opener.”

Photo courtesy of jim.greenhill

So the next best thing is to get creative with the methods through which you say “I love you.” Here are several creative things you can do from the home front that serve that purpose.

Get creative to communicate “I love you” to your deployed spouse.

Girl Scout Cookies

Who doesn’t love them? Because your spouse is away and won’t have access to the delicious cookies, send his or her favorite type, a little piece of home. Even send extra boxes for your spouse to share, according to Baseguide. If your spouse doesn’t like these cookies, send his or her favorite snack to say “I love you.”

Love mugs

It’s a postcard, but better. Send your spouse a Postcup from Bailey Doesn’t Bark. That’s right, you write a message on the cup with a porcelain pen and send it to your spouse as a creative way of sending them love. Not only will they have a nice cup to drink out of, but they will also read your note on it every time they use it.

Take on a project

Perhaps your spouse started a project at home that was not finished before deployment. Even though the project might not be your cup of tea, take it over and make it your goal to finish it by the next time they return. According to Baseguide, ask your spouse’s friends for the best ways to do a certain project if you’re not sure. This act of selflessness will say “I love you” when your spouse comes home.

Photo book

If you’d prefer to send something that doesn’t require words, a photo book is a creative way to visually say “I love you.” Include photos from all stages of your relationship to create a memory book that your spouse can look at to refresh those memories.

Make a movie

According to Baseguide, you can take the photo idea even further by sending your spouse a video compiling clips from you and your spouse’s other loved ones. Have family and friends record a short video expressing their support for your spouse and put the videos all together to make a live montage of the people important to your spouse.

Get crafty

If you’re crafty, don’t be shy — your spouse will love a homemade craft from you and your children. Better Homes and Gardens lists thirty different crafts that say “I love you,” and will make perfect gifts to send to your spouse. Included are an I-love-you-notes jar, knitting kit, a pocket pillow and more.

Poetry

Sometimes all that’s necessary is good old fashioned poetry. It’s more creative than an ordinary letter, and it shows you put a good deal of effort and thought into what you said. Your spouse will love receiving an original poem from you describing all the reasons why you love him or her.

Treasure Box

Finally, a creative way to send your love is through a treasure box. This box should be filled with small things — little reminders from the past, present and future that hold significant meaning for both of you. Because your spouse won’t have much storage room, the smaller the better. But your spouse will be able to look at the mementos frequently and have a concrete way of staying connected to you while deployed.

Photo courtesy of Jeff Kubina

Here are six things to consider to maintain a friendship strained by the election season.

How do you maintain or mend a friendship strained by the election season?

1) Remember the Foundation

Remember what it was that brought you and your friend together in the first place. Out of all of my friendships, it’s my shared interests with my friends that helped to begin them. Perhaps it’s a shared experience that helped forge a bond.

2) What Defines Your Friend?

Politics does not completely define who we are. So, remember that your friend is not defined completely by their political stance and neither are you. It might help to sit down and write down all of the good qualities your friend possesses.

3) Good Humor

The friends we can laugh with the most are usually our closest friends. Try to find humorous things about politics you can share. Plus, it helps to have a sense of humor about most things political.

4) What You Can Control

Like with most relationships, the only thing you can really control is how you behave. Maybe your friend said some hurtful things, or they made some political comments that really got under your skin. Perhaps you might need some space from that person. After a brief respite you can rekindle your friendship. All the while, you can take small steps to show your friend that you still care about them.

5) Apologize

If you are the friend who said hurtful things, then apologizing would help towards a reunion. Again, some distance might be necessary as well to help the waters settle.

6) Respect

Above all, respect is the key issue. Keep in mind that you cannot change your friend’s mind and that they are an adult who is able to make informed decisions. You might learn that politics is an issue that both of you need to avoid discussing. Again, concentrate on what it is that brings you together.

Photo courtesy wickenden

When I consider the true meaning behind Thanksgiving, I feel challenged to think about things that I not only take for granted, but am also upset by.

When I consider the true meaning behind Thanksgiving, I feel challenged to think about things that I not only take for granted, but am also upset by.

Our nations ancestor’s faced trials we have no perspective on.  It must have been incredibly difficult to have a heart of gratitude amongst so much loss. However, the ultimate loss can also make us thankful for the ultimate blessing: life. In fact, there are few struggles that we cannot view as a blessing in disguise.

C.S. Lewis once said, “We must stop regarding unpleasant or unexpected things as interruptions of real life. The truth is that interruptions are real life.”

Few families can relate to this more than a military family. Challenges are a part of the deal. However, when life is brimming with struggles, or even when it’s full of blessings, learning how to be thankful for the “bad” things can change your outlook on life.

For instance, I find laundry extremely annoying. Of all the household chores, I feel continually defeated by incessant piles of clothing that increase in size with every inch my children grow. I expressed my aggravation to my grandmother who had four boys, thinking she would console me. Her response to me was that I should let it remind me of the limited amount of time I have to care for my kids; one day I will have plenty of days with no laundry and an all too quiet house.

I don’t know what it was about that moment, but it has stuck with me. Like a little voice in my head, I hear those words anytime I want to complain about my mommy duties.

The same sentiment can be applied to many things in life. Finding the silver lining in situations is a skill that only comes from riding out many storms.

What challenges in your life have you learned to be thankful for? What difficult aspects about military life have you learned to see as equally beneficial?

Photo courtesy merfam

Often someone with PTSD just wants someone who will listen to them.

Do you know a military veteran who suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? Is it a spouse, relative, or friend? What you say can help or harm them.

Here is a list of things you should never say to someone with PTSD:

Give it time. It’ll go away.

Giving it time will not make it simply go away. The symptoms of PTSD are more than simple emotions of anger or fear. Only treatment will the symptoms diminish over time.

It can’t really be that bad.

It’s pretty bad for the person experiencing it. We’re unable to place ourselves in their position to make a true judgment of PTSD’s severity.

It’s all in your head.

This insinuates that the sufferer of PTSD has control over their symptoms. Unfortunately, they do not.

You must have done something really bad over there.

This is the equivalent of asking a soldier if he had ever killed anyone in combat.  Nothing good comes from this type of comment.

This proves we shouldn’t be in Iraq, Afghanistan, etc.

Regardless of how you feel about our military presence overseas, talking to a veteran with PTSD is not the time to push a political agenda.

Here’s my advice…

In addition to not saying the wrong things, it’s important to know how to listen. If someone with PTSD opens up to you they are not looking for advice. They are trying to make sense of what they are feeling. Also, know your limits. Sometimes what someone wants to share with us is beyond our abilities to handle them.

If you or someone you know might be suffering from PTSD, you can find help through the National Center for PTSD.

Photo: U.S. Army