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Whether it’s primal nature or simply learned behavior, humans tend to create and follow a pecking order. For military members and their families, it’s easy to fall victim to “rankism.” A service member’s rank can dictate much more than responsibilities they have at work; it can affect relationships and expectations among spouses as well.
If you’re curious as to whether you contribute to rankism or are interested in changing your perspective, here are some signs and solutions:
Military spouse soon find out that in the military rank can seep into everything in military communities, even when it shouldn’t.
New military spouses probably won’t find the term “rankism” in the dictionary. But many would argue it’s long been a part of military life. Consider it discrimination toward other military spouses based on the rank of their significant other. Discriminatory actions aren’t always done in an overt, drastic way.
Consider these examples:
The concept of rankism has been noted in scores of fields and industries with any form of social hierarchy. Combating stereotypes and seeking multiple perspectives can be key when it comes to breaking through this invasive issue. Here are a few things to consider:
Photo courtesy of NYCMarines and Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson
8 Comments
I find this interesting because my husband has told me multiple times that I’m really not supposed to be friends with soldier’s wives who are in his command because it can breed a sense of favoritism among the ranks and can reflect poorly on his command/rank. However, if the spouse is not part of his immediate job, he doesn’t have a problem with this. That, I can understand. As the wife of a Major, I get that I’m not supposed to show favoritism to any of his soldiers or their spouses, but that I am to treat everyone with respect (which should be obvious) but to keep people out of my social circle.
The greater issue that I see here is more in the gap between enlisted and officer’s spouses. I have friends on both sides and I refuse to think that my friends who married enlisted soldiers are any less than the officer’s wives; however, I was told at a social event by a Lieutenant’s wife that I really shouldn’t mingle with the enlisted wives because it reflects poorly on my husband. Right there, I felt like I was in the 1950′s talking about socializing with a ‘colored person’ and that I should build them a separate bathroom. Seriously? Are we still struggling with this issue? Ladies (and gentlemen), let us not forget that all of us are human and that being human puts us all on the same playing field in life. We, the spouses, should be there for each other as a support network, as encouragement in this often rough role and to never, under any circumstance, think less of anyone or ‘rank’ each other based on the pin worn by our spouse. Everyone, regardless of their spouses rank, commands equal respect and if you can’t grant this, then I think you should avoid this community altogether.
I have seen this alot its sad. Just because someones husband or wife is a higher rank than other they think they are better than the lower ranking person. Sorry but as a spouce you have NO rank and need to stop acting as if you do. You need to remeber that your actions fall back to your spouce whether you want it to or not.
An ARMY Wife.
I feel that if you are involved in things like child school events, school pta, other volunteer projects, Frg meetings, or battery/company family events then rank should not be apart of it. Mingle, have fun! But remember to keep it respectful and positive. However I do feel that if your having a backyard bbq at your home then to avoid favortism the only people invited should be the appropriate rank our spouses are allowed to mingle with. I don’t think a spouses rank should have effect on peoples attitudes towards each other. Luckily in the past four years I have not encountered this behavior towards me.
I make friends with all kinds of spouses regardless od their servicemembers rank, even from different branches (we’ve been stationed at mixed-branch posts/bases) and I don’t exclude male spouses either. I count myself lucky that in 20 years of being an Army spouse I’ve never felt wronged or left out due to my husbands rank at any given point in time and I try my best to treat others that way as well. I say.. try my best because unfortunately it doesn’t always work mostly due to the fact that the higher your spouses rank goes the more people seem to have a certain expectation of how you are as a person, some are jeleous as described in the article and some are just intimidated… the phrase ” it’s lonely at the top” has crossed my mind from time to time. Makes me sad because I have not forgotten where I came from and remember all those stations of life in the Army. I’ve been there! Please don’t assume that when my husband made a certain rank I forgot what life was like when he was a SPC with 3 kids. Just greet people with an open mind and heart and if they don’t return the favor..well..that says a lot about them and nothing about you. The area where I see the most problems for spouses is a situation I see a lot and struggle with myself: So I’ve made a new friend, let’s say in the same unit etc. and let’s say her husband’s rank is higher maybe an officer’s wife or maybe her husbands rank is much lower.. maybe totally new soldier. We hit it off great from the first conversation, have lots of common interests, spend time together alone or with our kids and become good and close friends. Then in conversation we learn how much our spouses are alike as people, maybe they have hobbies in common and they already get along great professionally…. but now we’re told while it would be nice to get our families together, our spouses are really not allowed to mingle in their free time ( ..favoritism etc) ..and now our friendship is kind of stuck in one place. While I completely understand why those regulations are in place and sometimes very necessary..they do kind of put a damper on trying to break that “rankism” barrier.
i feel the military encourages segregation between the officer and enlisted spouses; after all, there isn’t a military spouses club, there are two separate spouses club’s: the Enlisted Spouses Club and the Officers Spouses Club…i also feel when we do mingle together, the officer spouses act like they are “high and mighty”…after you tell them your an enlisted spouse, they act like they have to take you under their wing. what-ever, i’m prior enlisted and i did my time in the military, i probably know more than they do…i don’t need someone showing me the “ropes,” so to speak. it’s funny how they automatically think you don’t know anything because your husband is enlisted and not an officer–it is really annoying.
Good point on the Officer’s Wives Club and the Enlisted Wives Club!
I had a CO once who gathered all of his officers wives together for a little pow-wow, and ask them to stand in order of their rank. Well, after a few minutes, he finally said in a commanding voice, SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET! YOU DON’T HAVE ANY RANK! This rank issue goes a lot farther than you think. We as humans haven’t changed very much since our existence! God will take care of that.
The separation between spouses clubs depends on branch and duty station. We are Army and every spouses club I’ve been apart of is combined enlisted and officers spouses. There are also a large population of civilian and contractor spouses as well as spouses from other branches.