According to the research, “when the average, non-military American thinks about the United States’ conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, he or she generally associates the stressors and casualties of the wars with the active-duty services members.”

Contrary to these findings, the spouses typically endure comparable amounts of stress, but their health care needs are often obscured by a primary concern for the soldier. Fortunately, reliance on self-care and spousal support can offer a viable means to cope.

Taking up a hobby, such as yoga, is just one way to recharge.

Do Something For Yourself

“Many of us worry about putting ourselves first. We worry we’re being selfish or we’re not living up to our duties as a spouse,” Deployment Diva blogger Jessica Aycock writes. “In life, there has to be a balance of give and take. Think about the last time you did something for yourself.”

Spouselink.org, a website dedicated to connecting military spouses through “supportive, informative, and inspiring” articles, cites self-care as a basic need to efficiently manage the stress. Even taking a few minutes a day to relax can be beneficial. Starting a hobby, such as yoga, taking a nap, or taking a walk can also provide an outlet to recharge, supplying the energy necessary to handle the highs and lows of the military life.

Proactive, Not Reactive

Another way to reduce stress is to learn how to be proactive rather than reactive. If the same cycle of challenges are the cause of frustration, it may be possible to mentally prepare in advance. First, take a look at expectations – are they realistic? Second, accept what cannot be changed. Especially in repetitive situations, these preventative measures can drastically reduce stress by knowing what to expect.

Finding a “Battle Buddy” can perhaps be the greatest savior of spousal sanity during a significant other’s deployment. Connecting with fellow military spouses is easier than ever, with countless online groups and blogs dedicated to supporting one another. Military.com, an online organization that even offers a “Buddy Finder” feature, praises military spouse friends for their ability to understand and relate without judgement.

“Bottom line: They just get it. There is no explaining things in detail, there is no need to have to call out for help; MilSpouses just know, they understand, they empathize, and they will listen and try to help without being asked.”

Stick With Other Military Spouses

Various readers rang in on the importance of befriending other military spouses, with reasons of reliable and unconditional support, valuable mentor insight, and even comic relief. While military life isn’t exactly funny, sometimes a good laugh can be a hearty reminder not to take everything so seriously.

Army spouse Kay Wise writes about the MilSpouses that embody each of these qualities. The “Hooah” spouse is reliable; this is the person that will be willing to help in whatever way possible at any given time. The “Seasoned” spouse is experienced and knowledgeable, always ready to give advice. Got a question? If this spouse doesn’t know the answer, he or she will know someone who does. The “Friend” spouse is perhaps the closest – one to trust and call for a shoulder to cry on.

Not only is there no better reason to take the time for some self-appreciation, there’s no one more deserving.

Photo courtesy Tomas Sobek

It’s easy to get lost between taking care of your loved one, the kids and yourself. You grow tired and feel overwhelmed. When 24 hours just doesn’t seem enough, try these time management strategies to take control of the home front.

The Pomodoro Technique

A Pomodoro timer could be your secret to productivity.

“Pomodoro,” the Italian word for tomato, is best known in culinary circles. But the Pomodoro Technique is great for everyone — and can help you work more productively.

The Pomodoro Technique involves a tomato-shaped kitchen timer (or any timer you may have about the house) and a little bit of planning. You work uninterrupted for 25 minutes, then relax uninterrupted for 3-5 minutes. In a nutshell, it’s like high-intensity interval training for time management. Here’s the process:

1. Jot down a to-do list for the day
2. Set the timer to 25 minutes
3. Start the first task, do not stop until the timer dings. Mark an “X” next to that task.
4. Take a 3-5 minute break.
5. Take a 15-30 minute break for every four “X”s
6. Repeat steps 3-4 until the first task is finished
7. Repeat steps 3-6 until all tasks are finished

If the tomato timer is too quirky for you, check out this online variation.

The Getting It Done (GTD) method

Invented by productivity guru David Allen, the GTD method is a simple and effective system based on prioritization. It’s easy to lose track of time when you’re juggling so many projects, which results in anxiety and unfinished work. Start each week by raking through your brain for all the things you need to do, can do and want to do. Break them down by order of importance and even finer by specific actions you can take to complete a task. Remember not everything on the list demands your immediate attention; it is there to help you clarify priorities. Use the five-minute list to clump easier projects and refer back to it when you get a few minutes of spare time here and there.

RescueTime

Available for both PC and Mac users, RescueTime is an online tool that tracks how often you give in to tempting distractions like Facebook while working on the computer. It’s pretty easy to use, too:

1. Categorize the websites you frequent by degree of productivity (scale from -3, least productive to +3, most productive)
2. Use RescueTime Pro to set a browsing time limit for non-work sites
3. RescueTime Pro will block those sites and remind you to focus when time is up

For most, the best time management strategy is perhaps a combination of the three. Take the elements that suit your lifestyle and modify them to your liking. But whichever one you decide on, remember the celebrated Nike slogan: “Just Do It.”

Photo courtesy AndyRobertsPhotos

Make sure you’re doing everything you can to stay healthy and help your body fight off infections and bacteria. Simple changes to your lifestyle, diet and stress level as well as knowing which immune supplements to avoid will help you make it through the season with fewer trips to see the doctor.

Regularly washing your hands will reduce the number of bacteria and viruses your immune system has to fight.

Lifestyle

Some of the most effective ways to boost your immune system are the most basic. We’ve heard it since we were little kids, but first and foremost remember to wash your hands often, especially before meals. Also remember that your immune system isn’t separate from your body, everything works together so maintaining a healthy lifestyle will naturally boost your immune defenses.

Staying on a regular sleep cycle and integrating as much exercise as possible into your routine are great ways to keep your body healthy and happy so it can fight off even the worst cold this winter.

Making sure you don’t forget to eat your fruits and vegetables gives your body the building blocks it needs to fight an infection.

Diet and Supplements

Maintaining a healthy diet can be difficult around this time of the year when fruits and vegetables aren’t as easy to find and holiday parties are full of unhealthy food in big quantities. Staying properly nourished provides your body with all of the building blocks necessary to stay healthy.

If you’re worried you aren’t getting all of the proper vitamins and nutrients, look into a simple daily multivitamin. The Harvard Medical Journal’s review on immunity suggests daily multivitamins are far better at maintaining a healthy immune system and cautions against products with mega doses of only a few. These products overload your body with more than it can handle at once and then leave you worse off after.

Finding a healthy outlet for your stress is key in maintaining a healthy immune system.

Stress

With no surprise, stress is one of the biggest factors negatively affecting immune strength. Although studying the direct relationship between emotional stress and immunity is difficult, studies have noted that the immune system of stressed patients respond slower to invading viruses.

Avoiding stress completely around the holiday season is especially difficult, but taking moments to relax and destress are incredibly important. Activities like yoga and meditation are excellent ways to relax and check out some of our other articles about avoiding stress. It’ll be a lot easier to take 15 minutes out of your day to remove your stress than it will be to spend a week in bed with the flu.

Images courtesy bottled_void, jturn and PeapodLabs

The result is that moving frequently can take its toll on the family, and although its members might grow accustomed to the process, adjusting to life in a new city is always gradual at first.

So when a military family not only has to move, but move overseas, the adjusting period is amplified by multiple factors, such as unfamiliarity, language and culture. How, then, do military families adjust to living overseas?

Military families have to adjust to life overseas.

It might not be easy, but there are certainly ways to help military families and spouses feel more at home in a foreign country. According to Military Hub, “The United States military has troops deployed in nearly 130 countries around the world performing a variety of duties.” Lesson No. 1 is that if you’re a military family living abroad, you are not alone. The knowledge that countless other families have gone through this should be encouraging.

Another way for military families to adjust is to take advantage of support, services and encouragement available from a particular service branch. Plentiful resources exist within U.S. bases abroad, and they are ready to help.

Outside the bases, the cultural differences will become more apparent. According to Best World Travel Destinations, misunderstandings can occur due to these differences. Military families will adjust to another culture better by making an effort to learn the common cultural practices of their new location including body language and eating. Language can be a bigger issue at times, unless the foreign country is primarily English-speaking. To deal with this, it is best to learn the most common words and phrases of the language, even if it takes a little time. This will help families in the long run to navigate the city smoothly.

One military spouse who is quite versed in adjusting to living overseas is Air Force wife, Heather Blackman. She and her husband are currently at Spangdahlem Air Base in Germany for their very first duty station. Her husband finished Air Force basic training and school in late July, and the couple moved to Germany in August, so she knows what it’s like to have to move quickly and far.

“We actually PCS’ed expecting our first child,” Blackman said. “Honestly, moving to a different country can be very nerve-wracking and a little scary because you’re not sure what to expect. Upon arriving here, we have met different people who are very friendly and always willing to help. It’s basically a life saver as you’re trying to settle into somewhere new and different. We actually are having to visit a hospital off-base to see an OB, but the doctors and staff are very friendly, informative and caring.”

Even though a country overseas can seem intimidating, people will want to help you adjust, which can make the process much easier. If you have children, schooling for them will depend on the location. Some cities that have good educational systems, according to Best World Travel Destinations, might require children to go to a local school, where they will also likely learn the local language. Other cities might have schools set up on the military base by the Department of Defense. The DoD Education Activity will ensure schooling arrangements are made.

As far as housing, it takes time to adjust like the other aspects of living abroad. “Moving into a new house and settling into a new life can be frightening or exciting; I feel like it’s best to go with the most positive feeling so you don’t get so homesick,” Blackman said.

“While it may be harder for some than others, it really is a great experience. Being introduced into a new culture and even a different way of living is such an amazing opportunity that not everyone is blessed with. You can almost definitely learn patience, since there is a language barrier with some. Just being aware of someone else’s way of life is an eye opener.”

Photo courtesy of jim.greenhill

So the next best thing is to get creative with the methods through which you say “I love you.” Here are several creative things you can do from the home front that serve that purpose.

Get creative to communicate “I love you” to your deployed spouse.

Girl Scout Cookies

Who doesn’t love them? Because your spouse is away and won’t have access to the delicious cookies, send his or her favorite type, a little piece of home. Even send extra boxes for your spouse to share, according to Baseguide. If your spouse doesn’t like these cookies, send his or her favorite snack to say “I love you.”

Love mugs

It’s a postcard, but better. Send your spouse a Postcup from Bailey Doesn’t Bark. That’s right, you write a message on the cup with a porcelain pen and send it to your spouse as a creative way of sending them love. Not only will they have a nice cup to drink out of, but they will also read your note on it every time they use it.

Take on a project

Perhaps your spouse started a project at home that was not finished before deployment. Even though the project might not be your cup of tea, take it over and make it your goal to finish it by the next time they return. According to Baseguide, ask your spouse’s friends for the best ways to do a certain project if you’re not sure. This act of selflessness will say “I love you” when your spouse comes home.

Photo book

If you’d prefer to send something that doesn’t require words, a photo book is a creative way to visually say “I love you.” Include photos from all stages of your relationship to create a memory book that your spouse can look at to refresh those memories.

Make a movie

According to Baseguide, you can take the photo idea even further by sending your spouse a video compiling clips from you and your spouse’s other loved ones. Have family and friends record a short video expressing their support for your spouse and put the videos all together to make a live montage of the people important to your spouse.

Get crafty

If you’re crafty, don’t be shy — your spouse will love a homemade craft from you and your children. Better Homes and Gardens lists thirty different crafts that say “I love you,” and will make perfect gifts to send to your spouse. Included are an I-love-you-notes jar, knitting kit, a pocket pillow and more.

Poetry

Sometimes all that’s necessary is good old fashioned poetry. It’s more creative than an ordinary letter, and it shows you put a good deal of effort and thought into what you said. Your spouse will love receiving an original poem from you describing all the reasons why you love him or her.

Treasure Box

Finally, a creative way to send your love is through a treasure box. This box should be filled with small things — little reminders from the past, present and future that hold significant meaning for both of you. Because your spouse won’t have much storage room, the smaller the better. But your spouse will be able to look at the mementos frequently and have a concrete way of staying connected to you while deployed.

Photo courtesy of Jeff Kubina

He feels like there are so many servicemembers who have died, suffered and sacrificed so much that his contribution is relatively small. I try to remind him that people are thanking him because he is willing to do all of those things for his country and that’s enough.

But what about the people who call you out for more malicious reasons?

It’s less common, but the first time I saw a comment online that my husband was a murderer, I completely freaked out. Its not that I never realized that someone would call a U.S. servicemember a murderer before. I have seen war protesters and Westboro Baptist Church members before, it is just that I have never had someone tell me that my husband, the father of my children, was a murderer. Somehow, it instantly became so much more offensive.

What do you even say to this?

I bring this up because the other day I stumbled on an Instagram picture posted by Krista from Army Wife Style and it felt like I was punched in the gut again.

My husband doesn’t feel like a hero; he just sees military service as doing his job. Maybe he is just more level-headed about it, or maybe he has just been dealing with it for longer than I have, but it’s taken me a long time to learn to deal with hate speech I see directed at our service members.

Take it with a Grain of Salt

Most of the hate I see directed at service members is online, since it’s a lot easier to attack people behind a keyboard. There are actually scientific studies that show that the anonymity on the internet that makes people more likely to use more expletives  be more extreme in their opinions that they express and less empathetic towards others.

Besides, have you ever spent a significant amount of time reading internet comments? Try it sometime. You will probably realize pretty quickly that you don’t need to care about these people’s opinions. There will always be some crazies out there, and you can’t do anything about it.

Moderate, if necessary

If there is a negative post on your social media site or blog feel free to block the user, report them for spam or whatever other measures you need to take to remove the post. If you feel you should address the issue, you can easily post a comment or explanation that you removed the offending statement due to its inflammatory nature. Also, It’s always nice to take the time to notify the administrator of the page or group. Trust me, from someone who manages several social network groups, the administrator will appreciate having it brought to their attention.

Non-Engagement Policy

My personally policy is that I do not engage with people who make such extreme and inflammatory statements. The only reason someone who obviously has a problem with the military would come to a page like Military Spouse Central and post such a statement is to try to make people upset and angry and get them all in a fury over the statement.

This is attention seeking behavior. The last thing I want to do is give this person exactly what they want. As hard as it is to keep from unleashing your fury on this person, walk away.

Realize that this person is not worth your time or energy. You will not change their mind or make this person feel bad by replying or attempting to reason with him or her.

Photo courtesy Krista at Army Wife Style

Whether or not spouses have children, deployment is a time when habits and behaviors tend to change temporarily, both out of necessity and out of choice.

Christine Lay with her son, Jamey, and husband, Andrew.

These changes can either relate to mundane chores or overall lifestyle patterns. The changes for spouses at home during deployment can include tasks such as taking out the garbage, getting kids ready for school and cooking meals. Changes regarding lifestyle can include sleeping habits, running family finances, picking up a new hobby and getting a part-time job.

Some spouses, like this military spouse, might sleep in later than usual or need background noise, such as a movie, to fall asleep. She also describes how it is difficult to find the resolve to cook full meals when her spouse is gone because leftovers would spoil.

Of course, some changes might not be negative. If spouses have different driving styles, the spouse at home might enjoy being able to drive a certain way or wear certain clothes he or she might not typically wear when the service member is home.

Getting used to the lifestyle changes, however, might take more time. “When Andrew was gone, our whole world changed,” said military spouse Christine Lay. “I was a single mom. That takes a toll after a little while.”

Lay said that in order to keep busy, she would spend time with other wives by going to the commissary, going out to lunch and letting their children play. She also said her husband usually took out the garbage when he was home, so she would often forget to take it out until there were three or four bags sitting by her kitchen door.

“My bond with my friends became tighter,” Lay said. “The friends I’ve made here at Fort Bliss are friends I will never forget or lose touch with. There are always those days where you feel like you can’t do it anymore, and that’s when you need that little pick-me-up from those friends, and that’s what they are there for.”

For Veteran Military Wife, author of Life Lessons of a Military Wife blog, her main habit changes dealt with everyday tasks and communication. “I run the household and the finances anyway, so the only change for us when he is gone is that we sometimes like to ‘play hookey’,” she said. “We’ll do things like eat breakfast for dinner or stay up late when we really shouldn’t. I’m also more lenient on the kids but probably shouldn’t be!”

Because her husband is not in areas where he can easily talk on the phone or Skype, they resort to email for the majority of their communication. They share daily updates, advice and interesting pictures or stories.

Whether significant or not, changes in habits and behavior are sure to result from deployment. Figuring out what works best when those habits change is the key to a successful deployment, relationship and family.

Photo courtesy of Christine Lay

Military spouses can find comfort and stress relief in prayer.

Whether you are a Christian, Buddhist or a Pagan — or even if you are not sure if you follow any religious faith — you can still pray. Prayer is a way to release thoughts, hopes and wishes out into the universe. Prayer is a great way to let things go, ask for help and let your wishes and stresses out.

Many military families will tell you that prayer is an essential tool for mental and emotional health. When you get to the point where you have done everything you can do and you are still left with worry or doubt, prayer can be a huge relief. It’s also a great way to speak your mind and work through thoughts and feelings you are not ready to discuss with anyone else yet.

Prayers can be silent or spoken out loud but praying can help you to identify and acknowledge stress in your life and it can help relieve you of your burdens by helping you to let go of things you cannot control. There are also several mental and emotional benefits to praying.

Faith can take many forms.

Inner Peace

Praying brings a sense of peace and well-being. It can bring a great sense of relief to place your problems and stress in the hands of a higher power instead of feeling like you are on your own.

Stress Relief

There is no denying that life has got more and more stressful in general in this fast paced world we live in. Stress and worry can take a heavy toll on military spouses,  not to mention the extra burdens of military life.  Prayer and meditation are frequently suggested and highly effective ways to relieve stress.

Prayer can give strength and ease worry.

Positive Outlook

When everything seems hopeless, prayer can help in bringing a positive outlook back into your life. Praying helps us prepare for a better tomorrow, and that hope helps us move forward through adversity. Even through tragedy, prayer can help you look forward with a more positive outlook.

Finding Purpose

Prayer helps us get a sense of direction in our lives and helps us feel that there is more to our actions than just what we can control. Reflecting and working through our inner conflicts will help us decide the paths we should take. If you are a religious person prayer can help you feel connected and help you understand how to live in accordance with your religion.

Strengthen

When one believes that it is possible to relay ones problems to a higher entity, it helps you to face your daily problems and obstacles with what could otherwise be overwhelming and daunting. Praying prevents you from panicking when your situation seems overwhelming.

Do not stress about praying in the “right” way. Pray in a way that feels comforting and right for you.

Photos courtesy Nanny Snowflake, cesargp, Minnesota National Guard

The Lopez family on vacation.

Our recent interview with Everett Lopez revealed some of the difficulties associated with being a man in the predominately female community of military spouses.

Military husbands can be saddled with gender stereotyping, discrimination and insufficient support on top of the strain of deployments, PCSing and military life.

With 11 years as a military spouse, three years as a father and four big moves under his belt, Everett had some great advice to give to military spouses, especially husbands.

Flexibility

Between the constant moving and last-minute changes, the military lifestyle is full of hurry-up-and-wait moments. It’s best to go into military life expecting constant change and preparing yourself to roll with the punches rather than have a last-minute change get you down.

Adaptation

It seems the only way to adjust to change is to live it.  The first time you and your family are faced with a PCS, it may seem overwhelming, but just remember that you’ll get through it and settle down again. Each move will get easier as you figure out everything you’ll need to do and what to expect.

Support

This is especially valuable advice for a male military spouse. Expectation and stereotypes lead many men to think that husbands should take control of all family decisions. But Everett and other male military spouses often work behind the scenes to keep everything running, even if the spotlight is on someone else.

Combining flexibility, a positive outlook and a supportive personality can help new military spouses start on the right foot.

Making a deployment bucket list can ease the burden a bit and turn the months of deployment into a time for personal growth. It’s OK to spend some time considering what you can accomplish before your spouse returns, from travel and career building to fitness and social interaction.

Here are some popular ideas to consider:

Run a 5k, 10k, Half or Full Marathon

You can use your months to train for a marathon.

Running a marathon can be intimidating, especially if you don’t consider yourself a runner. Luckily there are websites like Runners World with training plans that can accommodate first timers, beginners, intermediate and advanced runners. Because the plans can range from six weeks to 16, you can choose one that fits within the length of the deployment.

Work Out Consistently

Work out every day and feel good about it.

Maybe you have no desire to compete in a race and just want to get on a regular workout regiment. Add a yoga class or daily run to your bucket list. You can even double up on your list items if losing weight is another goal.

Clean Out the Garage, Attic, Basement or Shed

Organizing can be a beast of a project.

Cleaning can be a great stress reliever that also makes you feel good about yourself. Try to focus on one task at a time. Declutter one day, sell or donate the next, rearrange and organize and continue until you’re satisfied with your space.

Take on a Major or Multiple Craft Projects

Play around with paint, yarn, beads or whatever else you fancy.

If you ever admired a homemade quilt or thought it’d be cool to refurbish an antique, use the deployment as a starting point for a major craft project. If your personality lends itself to shorter projects, try to set a goal or learn as many new crafts as you can.

Major House or Yard Project

Gardening can be soothing but is only one of multiple yard projects you can take on.

Gardening, landscaping, painting and construction are just a few examples of long-term projects to complete throughout a deployment.

Take a Road Trip

There are so many places to go and so many things to see.

Whether you want to visit family or just go sightseeing, planning a road trip can be a lot of fun. Research all the options and dream up your ideal getaways.

Take a Recreational Class

Cooking classes are one great option for taking a recreational class.

Feed your curiosity and explore recreational community classes. You can hone in on your computer skills with Adobe classes or learn to ride a horse. The options are limitless and the structured schedule can help pass the time of deployment.

Learn a Language

Challenge yourself to learn a language during a deployment.

While your spouse is in a different part of the nation or world, you can explore different cultures by learning a different language. Then upon your spouse’s return, perhaps you both can take a trip to a country that speaks the language.

Volunteer

Volunteering is a great way to stay social during a deployment.

Volunteering can be a great way to spend your time helping others as well as helping yourself. Since there are so many options—mentoring, building homes, running charity events to name a few—you can explore some of your interests. If you were always curious about becoming a teacher, try to mentor or tutor kids and see what you like.

Pay off Debts

A deployment can be a kick-off to be disciplined with your debt.

While probably not the most entertaining bucket list item, paying off debt can be a rewarding accomplishment. What better way to use deployment then to set and get going on budgeting goals?

These are just a few bucket list items. The possibilities are limitless so take some time to explore you goals and get going!