A new bill proposed in Texas is hoping to relax the rules a bit for the unique situations military families experience. Will it work?

A proposed bill in Texas will help military families spend more time together before and after deployment.

Difficulties

Due to current attendance policies, some military children may not be able to spend much time with their service member parent before and after deployment, as well as during leaves. School districts face strict regulation when it comes to student absences. Attendance important to make sure students stay on top of their studies, and districts receive funding based on it.

Although these rules are in place for good reasons, military families don’t have a choice when it comes to deployment. School is obviously important, but so is spending time with a parent before they will be gone for months on end or as they make the transition back to civilian life.

Proposed Solutions

The proposal, currently limited to Texas, would extend the number of allowed excused absences to a maximum of 10 for any student who’s parent is in a uniformed service about to deploy, on a leave or returning from a deployment of six months or longer. Without having to fight bureaucracy, military families will have more time together.

Military families often don’t have a choice when it comes to deployment.

Deputy Superintendent of Learning in the Ft. Worth district, Michael Sorum, agrees “Allowing our military families some extra time to adjust to an imminent departure will help students and families be more successful. We know that military parents understand the importance of doing well in school and we know that they will use these extra privileges judiciously.” As long as children are able to catch up on their missed work, this time will be invaluable to easing the transitions associated with deployments.

MIC3

The proposed bill in Texas fits with a growing national support to help military families be successful in spite of the added difficulties. The Military Interstate Children’s Compact Commission, also known as MIC3, is a group that gets state school boards to agree to rules that address challenges that may hold back military children.

When a state joins the compact, their state agrees to a set of uniform standards for enrollment, activity eligibility, class placement and graduation rules that may hold back military children due to the complicated process of transferring school several times. As of now, 43 states have joined so be sure to take advantage of this resource if you are having any problems transferring schools.

Whether you’re changing school districts or facing a deployment at your current school, be sure to check out the resources available and always make teachers and administration aware right away to avoid any problems down the road.

Images courtesy of USDAgov & The U.S. Army

And that insight can amount to a lot of unique feelings that come with being married to the military. How do milspouses cope with love, loss and leaving?

Ali still wanted to send out a family photo in their yearly Christmas card even though they were spending the holidays apart. We love her creative idea!

“My husband, Trevor, missed his sister’s wedding during his first deployment. I know it’s still hard for him when he thinks about missing it.  It’s hard for his sister, too,“ she said. An issue constantly affecting military spouses and service members alike is learning how to deal with missing big events.

A fine line must be straddled between being open enough so there is no resentment without bringing it up so much no one can move past it. It seems the best course of action is to be open with your feelings without dwelling on a negative event and focus on something positive.

“For the last New Year’s he missed, I still went to a party with friends and had him on FaceTime on my phone all night.  (My phone) was passed around and he got to talk to everyone at the party and we rang in the New Year together the best way we could.”

It’s this kind of dedication to making things work that keeps spirits high, even when someone can’t be there for something big, but you can’t always pull off the best surprises alone. Ali enlisted the help of her husband’s friends to help celebrate their third wedding anniversary.

“A friend of ours, who was also deployed at the time, came up with the idea to throw Trevor a surprise anniversary party and have me on video chat,” she said. “About 10 guys got together and grilled…and had me on video chat.  It was morning here, so I made myself a nice, big breakfast and a mimosa.  Even though we were on opposite sides of the planet, it was a very special anniversary that neither of us will ever forget!”

“We’ve never had a problem making an important event special regardless of circumstances.”

Every Event is a Big Event

It’s not the big stuff that gets Gibbs, it’s the little stuff. And lots of little events can add up. She confides in the community she has around her to cheer her up.

“Any event missed by a deployed service member seems like a big one to me,” says Gibbs. “When my best friend was deployed with her husband, I went along on their son’s preschool field trip to the local food co-op.  I don’t know that any parent would see that as a major event in their child’s life, but when neither mom nor dad can go, it’s a big event.”

Sharing Your Story

Gibbs’ blog has been a great help to getting past these military hurdles.

“Some of the longer, more popular military-related posts were sparked from speaking with our state chaplain,” she said. “He reminded me those struggles are so common and other families could surely benefit from hearing our story and encouraged us to write about it so we did.”

The blog has grown over several years to include several crucial life moments like missed events, getting engaged, deployment, reintegration and most recently, having a baby.

“I guess, at the end of the day, this is our life and I love it.  We have met some wonderful people, learned some very important lessons, and become such a strong couple.  Our ability to effectively and respectfully communicate with each other is second to none,” said Gibbs.

Photos courtesy of Ali Gibbs

Parent deployments, frequent moves, a new school every few years, a constant rotation of friends, and, most of all, the threat of a parent being killed in combat — these are the situations the military child has to encounter and most non-military children don’t ever have to worry about. These facts of military life make them more prone to stress and anxiety, but military children are also found to be quite resilient in the face of those demanding pressures.

Parent deployments, frequent moves, a new school every few years, a constant rotation of friends, and, most of all, the threat of a parent being killed in combat — these are the situations the military child has to encounter.

Studies Show a Mixture of Stress and Resilience

A variety of studies have been conducted in recent years documenting the amount of stress and anxiety levels that military children have.

A recent study found that military children, aged 11 to 17, “had more emotional difficulties compared with national samples.” Older youth and girls of all ages reported that they had greater school-, family-, and peer-related difficulties when a parent was deployed. Military children can also experience higher levels of anxiety, depression and withdrawal.

The child may have difficulty staying emotionally connected with the military parent because of frequent deployment and trips away, according to Lemmon. This could contribute to excessive worry, sadness, and feelings of isolation.

Events specific to the military life have an influence on military children in a way that they exhibit a greater amount of stress compared to their non-military peers. But, when Lemmon mentions that military children are resilient, what does he mean?

The Military Family Research Institute (MFRI) at Purdue University has asked the same question regarding resilience. It has two components: (1) exposure to adverse or traumatic circumstances, and (2) successful adaptation following exposure.

Resilience requires that negative conditions — the stressors of the military family life — be present in order for a military child to exhibit resilience. Successful adaptation after an adverse experience will depend on genetic factors, such as intelligence and temperament, and environmental conditions, such as support from parents and community.

Another study, conducted by Army War College researcher Leonard Wong, found that adolescents who believe that America supports the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and that American soldiers are making a positive difference in the world are likely to have less stress and anxiety when a parent deploys. The research also found that Army families with strong support and increased activity — sports, patriotic activities, etc. — reduced the levels of stress.

Growing Resources for Parents

Fortunately, excessive states of worry and sadness are rare in military children, Lemmon said. “Experienced military parents usually develop good systems of maintaining important connections with their children while they’re away doing important and necessary work for the nation. And luckily these days, there are a lot of great tools that allow military parents who are geographically separated to stay in touch, such as email, video calling and frequent texting.”

In addition the the communication tools that deployed parents have to stay in touch with their children, there are a growing number of resources for military families on the internet. One such source is StayingStrong.org. It is an initiative of the Red Sox Foundation and the Massachusetts General Hospital Base Program. Its purpose is to be an online source for parental guidance for miltary connected families.

Joining Forces is another initiative, which is supported by the White House. Their website provides information for education support of military children to job oppurtunities for military spouses.

This month’s winners are Army spouses Rebekah Corcoran and Holly Bell. Each will receive a $50 coupon to the Veterans United gear store. Here are their outstanding responses.

December’s winning reader stories touch on the difficulties of spending holidays apart and how military spouses can cope.

Never Truly Alone

Rebekah Corcoran, Army spouse

I grew up in foster care. As such, I knew what it was like to spend holidays alone. When I married my husband, now Staff Sgt. William (K.C.) Corcoran, we made our own family. As a military spouse I knew there would be times when we would spend the holidays apart.

K.C. and the rest of the 62D EOD Company deployed to Afghanistan in July of 2010 for a year-long deployment. I didn’t think much about Christmas that July when we said our goodbyes. As the warm weather grew colder and the beautiful colors of fall danced around Colorado it became more and more apparent that no matter how much I might wish to skip the holiday season the holiday season was simply not going to skip by me.

As December approached, I wondered what the Christmas season would bring. Both of my parents are deceased and I had no home to go back to. With our husbands gone, my fellow local military spouse friends took the opportunity to visit family back in their home states. I made the decision, even if I was going to spend it alone, to make the best out of Christmas.

So, I dragged our eight-foot Christmas tree out of storage, and I struggled to put each limb on, fluffing out the green and making it stand perfectly tall. With the help of a ladder, blasting Christmas music and a blazing fire in the fireplace I decorated our house. I hung the ornaments that we had bought together over the years and smiled at the memories we had made. I made myself a cup of homemade hot chocolate and read the emails and cards my husband had mailed me from thousands of miles away in a war zone. And on Black Friday, I stood in line for hours at Best Buy to send him a Christmas care package full of the goodies he didn’t have access to out there.

On Christmas morning, I opened the package he had sent to me, after weeks of using every ounce of self-control I possessed not to open it. His voice on the other end of the phone was the best Christmas present I could have gotten. As we talked I sat under the Christmas tree and described it to him and he told me about the day he had defusing bombs in Afghanistan. Bombs didn’t care what day of the year it was. We made plans for next Christmas and planned our future together.

This Christmas, we have a beautiful 5-month-old baby boy, born from our love and passion for each other. I will never again be alone on Christmas, as my son will always be there, but then again, even with KC deployed, I wasn’t truly alone. Our hearts and spirits spent Christmas together, they soared across the miles that separated us and danced together under that Christmas tree for we shared in love and hope. Hope that he would come home safe from war, and he did.

Creating New Traditions

Holly Bell, Army spouse

You see posts online and hear comments in the line at the commissary. “It just doesn’t seem like Christmas time. I decorated the tree, hung the lights, bought the presents and still nothing. My soldier is deployed, so it just isn’t the same.”

When your Soldier is deployed, nothing feels the same. So, I decided that I am not going to celebrate the holidays like I would traditionally do if my husband was home. I am on a mission to create new traditions for the holidays that happen during deployment instead of making myself miserable and depressed because I can’t recreate something when the key piece is missing.

Thanksgiving is a no-cooking, do-whatever-you-want sort of day. My daughter and I were going to go out to eat but decided that we didn’t want to. So we heated up some leftovers watched some movies and did nothing. That in itself is more than enough for me to be thankful for. It was a welcome break. When my hubby returns he will be making a smoked turkey and we will whip up all the trimmings and spend all day watching football since neither of us have watched this year because it is something we do together and it’s not the same when he’s gone.

Christmas is the holiday that I go all out for — every decoration in my home is taken down and replaced with something Christmas. It is my very favorite holiday. This year will be the first year that I will not have my husband with me. So I am going to create a new tradition. I sent my husband a mini-tree with 25 numbered presents. One for each day leading up to Christmas but, before he can open it, he has to guess what’s inside. If he guesses more right than wrong, he wins, and if not, then I do. I can’t wait to see who wins. When he comes home we will have a Christmas as well.

I think the key to making it through the holiday season is welcoming your own deployment traditions. Not forcing yourself to pretend that the things you share with your soldier are just as fun without him.

Photo courtesy of koka_sexton

So the next best thing is to get creative with the methods through which you say “I love you.” Here are several creative things you can do from the home front that serve that purpose.

Get creative to communicate “I love you” to your deployed spouse.

Girl Scout Cookies

Who doesn’t love them? Because your spouse is away and won’t have access to the delicious cookies, send his or her favorite type, a little piece of home. Even send extra boxes for your spouse to share, according to Baseguide. If your spouse doesn’t like these cookies, send his or her favorite snack to say “I love you.”

Love mugs

It’s a postcard, but better. Send your spouse a Postcup from Bailey Doesn’t Bark. That’s right, you write a message on the cup with a porcelain pen and send it to your spouse as a creative way of sending them love. Not only will they have a nice cup to drink out of, but they will also read your note on it every time they use it.

Take on a project

Perhaps your spouse started a project at home that was not finished before deployment. Even though the project might not be your cup of tea, take it over and make it your goal to finish it by the next time they return. According to Baseguide, ask your spouse’s friends for the best ways to do a certain project if you’re not sure. This act of selflessness will say “I love you” when your spouse comes home.

Photo book

If you’d prefer to send something that doesn’t require words, a photo book is a creative way to visually say “I love you.” Include photos from all stages of your relationship to create a memory book that your spouse can look at to refresh those memories.

Make a movie

According to Baseguide, you can take the photo idea even further by sending your spouse a video compiling clips from you and your spouse’s other loved ones. Have family and friends record a short video expressing their support for your spouse and put the videos all together to make a live montage of the people important to your spouse.

Get crafty

If you’re crafty, don’t be shy — your spouse will love a homemade craft from you and your children. Better Homes and Gardens lists thirty different crafts that say “I love you,” and will make perfect gifts to send to your spouse. Included are an I-love-you-notes jar, knitting kit, a pocket pillow and more.

Poetry

Sometimes all that’s necessary is good old fashioned poetry. It’s more creative than an ordinary letter, and it shows you put a good deal of effort and thought into what you said. Your spouse will love receiving an original poem from you describing all the reasons why you love him or her.

Treasure Box

Finally, a creative way to send your love is through a treasure box. This box should be filled with small things — little reminders from the past, present and future that hold significant meaning for both of you. Because your spouse won’t have much storage room, the smaller the better. But your spouse will be able to look at the mementos frequently and have a concrete way of staying connected to you while deployed.

Photo courtesy of Jeff Kubina

Avoid living in fear and take control of your situation with these six simple safety tips.

Up your home security system

Investing in a home security system is a great option, for those who can afford it. These systems can act as a deterrent and a line of actual defense, and offer great peace of mind for users. But even if a home security service is out of your price range, there are several ways you can defend vulnerable areas in your home.

Don’t let this happen to you.

• Kickproof your exterior doors. Don’t forget the one that leads from the garage into your house, and choose the right locks. Place a strong wooden dowel into the tracks of sliding doors to make sure they can’t be opened from outside. Make a habit of locking windows and doors every time you close them.
• Reinforce window panes with professionally-installed security window film, which will make them more resistant to shattering. Then hang opaque curtains to ward off peeping Toms and keep burglars from spotting any theft-worthy belongings.
• Light up areas around doors, windows, walkways and blind spots. Motion-activated lights are a great option. Make sure to install lights high upon exterior walls so they can’t be easily disabled.
• Trim branches and bushes that might give those lurking around your home access to windows, roofs or skylights.

Photo courtesy osseous

According to tradition, this mischievous elf comes out every year before Christmas and checks in on little children on behalf of Santa Claus. While this elf visits your home, he comes alive at night and tends to get into a little bit of trouble.Rumor has it that military elves visit military families, too, and like doing some of the same things that our deployed service members do. And with a bit of camouflage and a dog tag, Sargent Peppermint was born.

These ideas for Elf on a Shelf can also double as some great activities to keep Mom or Dad involved if your family is going through a deployment over the holidays.

1. Elf on the Shelf Joins the Army

It wasn’t hard to make Sgt. Peppermint’s elf-sized ACUs from some camouflage duct tape and his dog tags from a bit of aluminum foil.

You can customize your elf outfit for your branch of service.

2. Elf Goes to “Basic Elf Training”

Create mini obstacles that your elf can do: hurdling ornaments, climbing the tree, chin-ups, and more.

3. Give “Elf Mail” to Your Kids from Mom or Dad

This is a great idea for during deployment. Have Mom or Dad who is deployed send a special letter to your child, then have your elf “deliver” it.

Getting mail is a delight in itself but getting it via “elf mail” somehow makes it seem more like magic.

 4. Elf on the Shelf Visits the Troops

Elf on a Shelf will ship orders to APO addresses so you can order an elf (an elf double), ship it to a loved one overseas and have them take pictures or Skype with the kids to show that the elf visited them one day.

5. Studying Up on Geography

Kids awake to find that the elf is studying up on the country where their parent is deployed/stationed.

You can make all sorts of fact sheets, maps or even a sheet showing the time differences that elf could be studying.

 6. Elf Learns to Salute the American Flag

Pose elf saluting while facing an American flag.

7. Elf on the Shelf Does PT

Physical training is important for elves too. Elves need to be physically ready for the big day, so this elf is doing push ups.

An added bonus would be a drill sergeant action figure to stand over the elf.

8. Elf Makes New Friends

Elf on the Shelf is always on the move. He knows how hard it is to make new friends at every new home. Have your elf hold a sign that says “Make New Friends but Keep The Old, One is Silver and the Other’s Gold.”

9. Operation Elf on the Shelf

Have the elf take part in a military operation with whatever toys you have. We just used walkie-talkies and a few action figures.

Time to break out the remote controlled Humvee, plastic tanks and GI Joe.

10. Zip lining with Soldiers

Sgt. Peppermint choose to zip line from our tree, but your elf could set up a zip line anywhere in the house.

Be sure to tell your kids, this is one of those “do not try this at home” stunts.

11. Elf on the Shelf Cozies Up to the Marine Corps

You should make this your own, pose your elf with your troop’s patches or your military branch’s gear. We thought Sgt. Peppermint looked pretty cute in this Marine Corps cover.

Elf loves to get into other people’s things and even try them on for size.

12. Elf and Combat Boots

Your elf can take a ride in combat boots, or have him try to lace them up and tie them.

This is especially fun if you kids are learning to tie shoes.

13. Shine Your Dress Shoes

Elf loves to be helpful. He can shine your dress shoes/boots (pretending to shine your combat boots works for a substitute).

Sgt. Peppermint has pretty good shoe shining technique.

13. Elf Reads a Story

You often see Elf on a Shelf reading a book, but you can add a military twist by having him read a book about the military or go the extra mile and find a military-Christmas book like The Soldier’s Night Before Christmas.

14. Defending the Presents from an Enemy Toy Soldier Invasion

Sgt. Peppermint can play lookout and defend the presents under the tree.

All it takes is some play binoculars and some toy soldiers and you’ll have a delightful scene.

15. Elf Leads the March

Elf lines up all your toy friends for a march through the snow. Bonus: Make up a Christmas-themed marching cadence.

Hey, Ho, Santa Claus! (Hey, Ho, Santa Claus!)

 16. Elf on the Shelf Hangs with the Nutcracker

We have some military nutcrackers at our house, so we had Sgt. Peppermint spend a night out with the guys.

It looks like they had a good time spreading Christmas cheer.

17. Elf on the Shelf Joins the Navy and Sets Sail

We outfitted elf with a sailor cap and set sail in the kitchen sink.

Elf would make a very good sailor.

 18. Elf on the Shelf Builds a Plane

Our elf can likes to paint, and decided to paint a model Air Force plane. It also doubles as a surprise for the kids when they find out they get to finish the project and keep the plane.

Elf can even fly on the plane when your kids finish the model, just string it from the ceiling and have elf take flight.

Whether or not spouses have children, deployment is a time when habits and behaviors tend to change temporarily, both out of necessity and out of choice.

Christine Lay with her son, Jamey, and husband, Andrew.

These changes can either relate to mundane chores or overall lifestyle patterns. The changes for spouses at home during deployment can include tasks such as taking out the garbage, getting kids ready for school and cooking meals. Changes regarding lifestyle can include sleeping habits, running family finances, picking up a new hobby and getting a part-time job.

Some spouses, like this military spouse, might sleep in later than usual or need background noise, such as a movie, to fall asleep. She also describes how it is difficult to find the resolve to cook full meals when her spouse is gone because leftovers would spoil.

Of course, some changes might not be negative. If spouses have different driving styles, the spouse at home might enjoy being able to drive a certain way or wear certain clothes he or she might not typically wear when the service member is home.

Getting used to the lifestyle changes, however, might take more time. “When Andrew was gone, our whole world changed,” said military spouse Christine Lay. “I was a single mom. That takes a toll after a little while.”

Lay said that in order to keep busy, she would spend time with other wives by going to the commissary, going out to lunch and letting their children play. She also said her husband usually took out the garbage when he was home, so she would often forget to take it out until there were three or four bags sitting by her kitchen door.

“My bond with my friends became tighter,” Lay said. “The friends I’ve made here at Fort Bliss are friends I will never forget or lose touch with. There are always those days where you feel like you can’t do it anymore, and that’s when you need that little pick-me-up from those friends, and that’s what they are there for.”

For Veteran Military Wife, author of Life Lessons of a Military Wife blog, her main habit changes dealt with everyday tasks and communication. “I run the household and the finances anyway, so the only change for us when he is gone is that we sometimes like to ‘play hookey’,” she said. “We’ll do things like eat breakfast for dinner or stay up late when we really shouldn’t. I’m also more lenient on the kids but probably shouldn’t be!”

Because her husband is not in areas where he can easily talk on the phone or Skype, they resort to email for the majority of their communication. They share daily updates, advice and interesting pictures or stories.

Whether significant or not, changes in habits and behavior are sure to result from deployment. Figuring out what works best when those habits change is the key to a successful deployment, relationship and family.

Photo courtesy of Christine Lay

This gift-giving adage – “something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read” – is a great one to keep in mind when building your care package. Just make sure the items you choose are on-theme. Tuck in photos, letters and a few other personal touches (plus an edible treat or two!) and you’ll be sure to put a smile on your soldier’s face.

Check out this guide for lots of practical information about packing and shipping your care package overseas.

Want

If your deployed loved one is a music aficionado, consider coming up with a playlist that features songs about your town, state or the U.S. in general. Include local artists to add an extra tie-in to your community. A lover of word puzzles? Use a free online puzzle creator to build crosswords, word searches and jumbles that use words or clues related to your hometown.

For diehard sports fans, consider recording a game or two for them to watch. Even if they already know how it turns out, it can still be fun to catch up on the action. A mid-level DVD recorder sells for less than $150, but find one that doubles as a DVD player to really get your money’s worth.

Don’t be afraid to get creative, and remember that space is at a premium for many service members. Send something you know they’ll enjoy (and that you enjoy making for them)!

Need

Look for practical items with a hometown design. The gift shop at popular local attractions (think zoos, museums or major landmarks) will almost always sell playing cards, ink pens, stationary, key chains and various other necessary items “branded” with your city’s name or logo.

Wear

A T-shirt or hat with a favorite college or professional team’s logo is a great reminder of home. If your children play on a recreational, club or school sports team, see if you can get their team shirt made in an adult size.

This Texas-themed care package would be a great treat for any Longhorn fan.

Read

Consider sending a copy of a local newspaper or magazine. This is a great way to keep deployed loved ones connected to their community and provides a form of entertainment when things are slow.

Letters are also an important element of every care package. Short notes from friends, family members, neighbors and others who soldiers interacted with regularly when at home is a great way to show them that they may be gone, but not forgotten.
Familiar flavors

Food items are very popular in soldier care packages. Think of what food your city is known for – and, of course, what your deployed loved one enjoys! Choose items that will keep up to six weeks, be able to withstand intense heat and hold up during transport. If a city’s signature item is too difficult to ship, search for alternatives that evoke a similar flavor. While it won’t be exactly like the real thing, it’ll still be a nice reminder. Pizza-flavored Goldfish instead of Chicago deep dish, anyone?

If your city has no signature food item, consider sending some other taste of home. Favorite restaurants may sell a bottle of house dressing; local bakeries may be able to box up a dozen or so specialty cookies. Local BBQ sauce, salsa, honey or jam are also great options.

Want to include something homemade? Try these easy-to-make sugar cookies, which can be customized with food coloring, cookie cutters, sprinkles and other decorative elements to go with the hometown theme. Be sure to follow these four tips for sending baked goods.

Finishing touches

Tie everything together by wrapping items in a map of your city or state (check visitors centers for free or low-cost versions). You can personalize your care package even more by marking special spots on the map with a circle, a little note or even photos of yourself, your loved one, friends and/or family taken at each location.

Photo courtesy staceyhuggins

Kristen Smith, manager of Loving a Soldier blog, talks about her experiences with military life.

Meet Kristen Smith.

She is a military spouse, but she is also the blog coordinator for Loving A Soldier, a mother, a professional photographer, a volunteer, a food blogger and an equestrian. Although very busy, she makes the most of her time and has much wisdom to share regarding all aspects of being a military wife.

She discusses her experiences with military life, work, deployment and relationships below.

Christiana Nielson:  Can you tell me the idea behind your blog, Loving A Soldier, and how it works?

Kristen Smith:  Loving A Soldier is the blog of Army Wife Network. We currently have 21 contributors from the Army spouse community: varying experience levels, years associated with the military and blogging from three countries at the moment. We are aiming to showcase the incredible diversity of experience found in the Army community and let spouses know that somewhere, someone else is feeling the same way.

CN:  You’re also a photographer?

KS:  I am a professional portrait photographer specializing in equestrian lifestyle portraiture, although I also love photographing our military events and families.

CN:  Can you tell me a little more about yourself?

KS:  I am married to Capt. Kevin Smith, U.S. Army, and we have one son who turned three last month. Originally, I am from Charleston, S.C. Between school, work, the military and my own wanderlust, I have lived, traveled through or visited every state in America except Alaska. I strongly believe that we are responsible for making our lives what we want and need them to be, which is a huge part of my blogging. I volunteer as much for my own personal development and education as to help others. When I’m not blogging, behind a camera or volunteering, I am usually in the kitchen playing with food (you can find most of the results of that at Authentic Plate) or working with my horse. My family is currently assigned to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri about two hours southwest of St Louis.

CN:  Is your husband currently deployed?

KS:  My husband is home at the moment. We have been through deployments to both Afghanistan and Iraq with the longest one being just over 12 months.

CN:  Were you surprised by his deployment, or were you expecting it?

KS:  We’ve dealt with both circumstances, having time to prepare and being surprised. One of my husband’s deployments, he volunteered to go with just under 28 days notice.

CN:  What were the biggest adjustments you had to make regarding your relationship, family and schedule during deployment?

KS:  Our biggest relationship adjustment was learning to prioritize our interaction. When Kevin is home, there is a lot of small talk; we talk about our day, about small things that annoy us, inconsequential things on TV or in current events. During a deployment, the time we have to talk/email is significantly reduced, so we both had to be more intentional and focused to make sure that our conversations and correspondence fostered a positive, loving relationship.

Family adjustments mainly revolved around making sure that my husband was still included. Some how, some way.

I am a big believer in schedules, so for the most part, our schedule does not hugely vary when my husband is away. My son and I are both early risers, and my husband is not a morning person, so the primary difference would be that our activities will shift earlier in the day when he is away. The primary change I had to make was to be insistent (especially with myself) about carving out ‘me time’. I needed time away from my son, time away from obligations and responsibilities, in order to maintain my positivity and well being. Finding that time is extra challenging when I am the sole person responsible for our home and family.

CN:  What is the hardest thing about deployment?

KS:  My husband really is my best friend, so a huge challenge for me during his times away has been the lack of that sounding board and missing the feedback. He is usually the first person I tell about any crazy ideas, ask questions about subjects I am not familiar with and generally vent to. I tend to internalize and not express myself as well or as easily when he is gone and that can take a tremendous toll on me emotionally.

CN:  From whom do you get support while he is gone?

KS:  I have a wonderfully supportive family and a network of friends and resources that I have developed throughout our time together that was a tremendous support. My barn friends, who are often not all military, are also a huge component of my support system.

CN:  What have you learned about yourself and your relationship throughout the process of deployment? Do you think your relationship became stronger because of it?

KS:  Deployment forced us to really learn to communicate. Spending time together wasn’t as simple as sitting on the couch watching TV. If we wanted to “spend time together,” we had to actually go back and forth. It revealed some very real gaps in our communication and forced us to deal with them. I think deployments also put us in a position where we have to consciously make the decision that our marriage is important enough to withstand the challenge because it requires us to work through it.

CN:  Was deployment what you thought it would be, or was it different?

KS:  Both. I never would have anticipated how agonizing R & R would be. The twin emotions of relief (that he was home) and despair (that he was leaving again so soon). I was surprised by just how capable I was of handling things while he was gone.

CN:  What advice would you give other military spouses in your position?

KS:  I think the most important thing to know is that you have to figure out what works for you. I needed to know more, so volunteering, being very involved in my local military community and making connections with the national military community were powerful instruments in my tool box. But that does not mean that every spouse should do the same.

CN:  Is there anything else I should know about you, your work or military life?

KS:  Military life offers us incredible opportunities to meet fascinating people from all walks of life, grow and develop personally and have a front row seat in the making of history. It is what you make of it.

Photo courtesy of Kristen Smith