Be Realistic

Before your spouse arrives home, romantic thoughts of having him or her all to yourself will arise. But don’t expect this to translate into reality, especially if you have kids. In fact, children are more likely to let their parents have alone time if they spent time with the returning service member first.

You can consider a more family oriented activity at the outset. But some Military Spouse readers, such as Katie Givens, suggested structuring time with family. “Get away from the family,” she wrote. “It was the best thing we could have done. We gave them each a day to have a meal with him.”

No matter what, make sure communication is paramount. Talk to your spouse before the R&R to find out what they’re comfortable with. Communication before the visit gives both of you the chance to roughly outline plans. Returning spouses may want some alone time to sleep, get over jet lag or adapt to be home. Be understanding and welcoming. As Military Spouse reader Jessica Rivera put it, “Let the soldier rest!”

Keep it Light

If you want to spend quality time together, avoid controversial topics and serious marital problems. The short amount of time you share during R&R shouldn’t be consumed by negative tension and fighting. Plus it’s often not enough time to hash out any problems that lingered before the spouse left.

Even if there is a long list of chores to do around the house and you need your spouse’s help cleaning the gutter or organizing the basement, do not burden your returning spouse upon arrival. If the time seems right pare down the list to some of the easier tasks you can do together.

It’s better to enjoy time together with a cluttered basement than to spend a few angst-filled days together bickering over a to-do list.
For service members returning from combat zones, a quieter home is often ideal. Be affectionate and do what you can to help them rest and relax.
This is especially important if you are, say, introducing a new family member, or have young children. Keep plans simple. Elaborate parties or vacations are not necessary. Less is more.

Stay Healthy

In anticipation of a return home, a service member’s nostalgia may make them long for their favorite fast food, dessert or locally-brewed beer. Be wary of excessive celebrations that may be unhealthy, but certainly be ready to indulge. Remember that a service member has a very different daily diet while deployed. Their body will handle changes better if they are gradual and not overdone. The trick here is to celebrate but make sure it is in moderation. The last thing you want is to have your soldier (or you) be ill during R&R!

Cherish Every Moment

Try to arrange a special event for just the two of you. It can be as simple as a night at home with popcorn and a movie or a fancy dinner at a five-star restaurant.  Live in the moment and appreciate the bond you two share.
“Just do whatever sounds good when you wake up,” wrote Military Spouse reader Nena Harris.
Take pictures when other family comes over or your spouse is playing with the kids and have others take pictures of you and your spouse.

Remember that R&R can change at any time, sometimes even requiring service member to leave early.
Take none of your time together for granted because you’ll have to say “See you soon” all too soon.

Photo thanks to The U.S. Army via Flickr Creative Commons

To ease the transition, families should have a communication strategy prior to deployment.

Traditional Communication Methods

Traditional methods of communication should not be overlooked because of new options that are available. Letters, care packages and phone calls are still great means of communication with a deployed service member.

Letters

Service members will always appreciate letters from home. When there are extended periods without contact they often reread letters to boost morale. Sending a handwritten letter is emotionally satisfying, while still inexpensive.

Care packages

Care packages are important. to help service members feel connected with their families. During deployment they provide a small piece of home to help ease loneliness.

Here are a few content suggestions:
• Pictures
• Magazines
• Favorite Snacks
• Home Videos

New Communication Methods

With proper preparation service members may be able to use the Internet to stay connected to their families. Innovations in technology allow families to communicate in new ways.

Email

For deployed military members an email is the electronic version of the letter. Providing service members with quick and up-to-date information, email allows families to keep everyone on the same page.

Free email accounts are available through Yahoo, Google or Hotmail providers.

Instant Messaging

Instant messenger services are convenient communication tools for active duty military members. Programs like Skype, Yahoo Messenger and AOL Messenger provide users with video and voice options along with the basic messaging tools.

Service members should keep in mind that there are differences in features among the services. Families should choose the instant messaging program that best fits their needs.

Skype

Skype provides the most comprehensive service. As long as both parties have a webcam and microphone video conferencing is possible. For families with children this provides a sense of togetherness and allows them to see their parent’s face.

Skype provides many services, including:
• Instant messages
• SMS Text messages
• Video Calls
• Skype to Skype calls
• Low-cost calls to landlines and cell phones around the world
• Skype Voice Mail

Military members should check to see what options are available where they will be deployed; they may be allowed to bring a laptop or cell phone..

Defense Switched Networks

An additional option for communication is DSN (Defense Switched Networks) lines that are provided by the military. Service members that are near a base with a DSN network can call a base located close to their family. Even though conversations are usually brief, DSN lines are additional options for sustaining a connection during the challenging separation.

A Cautious Note:
Service members deploying for the first time should take careful note of Operational Security procedures when it comes to communicating with family and friends back home.

Photo thanks to FamilyMWR via Flickr Creative Commons