Our first prompt for the Military Spouse Central community was this: “What are some of the things only a military family or military spouse would know?” You sent us some incredible responses, and we wanted to highlight a couple of them over the next few days.

Our first reader essay is from Marine spouse L. Dawn VanWaus-Carreon. She’ll receive a $50 credit to the Veterans United company store. Check out her outstanding response below, and look for the October writing prompt soon.

-Adrienne

Name: L. Dawn VanWaus-Carreon

Branch: Marines

Status: Active

As a military spouse of 20+ years, I’ve found myself in countless situations where civilian family members and friends just don’t get it! And then, you confide your thoughts in a fellow military spouse, and they fully understand what you mean with very little explanation. There’s great comfort in having your feelings validated when you are going through an experience that few others can relate with in their civilian lifestyles.

One frequently touchy subject is homecomings. It’s a time of great transition, and sometimes friends and family members who were not very present or supportive during the deployment suddenly want to get in on the reunion. Their feelings sometimes get hurt because they don’t understand how private and crucial the time of reintegration is as a closure to a challenging period, and how many service members and spouses prefer to keep the reunion to themselves, because it can be filled with uncertainties. A lot of other people vying for precious time and attention can be overwhelming to both the service member and the spouse.

Dealing with Deployment

The following narrative is something I wrote about this experience just days before my husband’s return from his most recent deployment. It’s very open and blunt, but it’s an authentic expression of my feelings at the time, and I’m sure there are many other military spouses who have felt the same way.

When it’s time for homecomings, Marine spouse L. Dawn VanWaus-Carreon wonders where those crowds were during the roller coaster of deployment.

So without further preface, here it is: You know what it means to really be the loved one on the other end of a service member’s deployment? Well, I can tell you it’s a lot more than showing up waving an American flag on homecoming day. It starts with the words, “Honey, I’ve got orders.” Then the weeks or months away in pre-deployment training work-ups before the deployment even begins. It’s going out at 3 in the morning to the departure point after a night when you couldn’t possibly sleep so you just laid there and looked at each other hoping if you stared long enough, the clock would stop.

It’s standing in the dark shivering, trying not to cry while your babies do as they watch daddy walk away. It’s staring at the rifle over his shoulder and wondering if he’ll have to use it, but not really wanting to know. It’s the moment your heart stops for a beat when you know there’s been a casualty but the name has not been released and, of course, that’s when UPS rings your bell with the Christmas gifts you ordered on Amazon because you never ever have one single hour without the kids.

It’s sitting on your closet floor with your face buried in the familiar scent of a six-month unlaundered dirty shirt that’s now soaking up your lonely tears. It’s leaving your phone and your computer turned up on high volume all night in case they get through, because when it’s night time here, it’s day time there. It’s finally hearing the little buzz of a message at midnight, having your heart leap, only to find an insensitive message from a family member who thinks they know why you can’t sleep at night, but they don’t, because otherwise they’d never send a heartless message at midnight. It’s watching the bright yellow ribbon on the tree grow tattered and faded as hours turn to days, and months and years.

Homecomings Get Hijacked

The only thing that can wipe all that away is the day you can finally take that yellow ribbon down, replace it with a welcome home banner, and show up on the tarmac or the parade deck waving your nation’s flag. To me, that pleasure and pride is earned just as much as every medal on that Marine’s chest. The family and the real friends, we don’t get medals. All we get is that moment of seeing their safe return.

Our hearts were deployed, too, and the homecoming is our only reward, our honor, the moment our heart starts beating again in our own chest, and it’s enough. But, don’t steal it from us. Where were you when he left? Where were you while he was gone? Why are you here now?

Photo courtesy of DVIDSHUB

Rejoice in the fact that your service member is home.

Homecoming is a hard thing to prep for as a military spouse. It’s hard to keep your mind from wandering. The imagination runs wild, and after being on your own so long, it feel nice to hope and fantasize about how all of your worries and your loneliness will melt away and magically your family will move forward without missing a beat.

Unfortunately, that’s seldom the case.

It’s key to remember that a successful reintegration and homecoming is one that has few expectations, because disappointment can really sour everything. One area that expectations are hard to manage is in the bedroom.

Sexual intimacy is an important part of a marriage. It is a wonderful way to reunite with your spouse and express love and affection.

But homecoming reunions are not always “sexy”. Homecoming is an unforgettably wonderful, amazing and memorable time. But homecoming is also just as confusing, frustrating, stressful and complicated as it is joyous. For most people, there are just as many knots in your stomach as there are butterflies.

Both of You Have Changed

Time has passed, and no matter how many letters you have written or Skype dates you have had with your spouse, your spouse has changed and you have changed as well. This is completely normal, but it takes some adjustment. Both of you are nervous and clumsy and giggly or crying and you have to realize that it’s fine for the reunion to not be the slow-motion run and long, romantic kiss like you see in the movies. Give it time.

It’s important to get some shut-eye — both you and your soldier.

Get Some Shut-Eye

Forget the spouse who tells you all about their 12-hour “locked door” session the night her husband came home, a vast majority of service members come home dead tired. They have likely traveled for multiple days with no shower and little sleep. Get some sleep. It’s good for both of you after the anxiety leading up to homecoming, and you will enjoy yourself more when it is time for intimacy if you both have gotten some rest.

Awkward Encounters

It is very common for couples to need to readjust to being sexually intimate after such a long time apart. If you have to, go slow and realize that it may not always be your most memorable experience the first couple of times. Remember, your spouse is home now, so you don’t have to rush.

Stress on Your Sex Life

Let’s face it — reintegration is stressful for every service member. Stress hurts our bodies and can cause a number of different symptoms such as tense muscles, irritability, loss of concentration, cramping, headaches, upset stomach and, of course, loss of libido.

Post-Traumatic Stress can make sex and intimacy even more difficult. Service members and veterans with PTS may have sudden and unpredictable flashbacks and in some cases heightened sexual arousal can trigger flashbacks, especially during the initial adjustment period.

Tips

Intimacy is very important, but you can be intimate with your partner without having sex.

• Talk about sex with your spouse. It may be hard to start talking about it but having an honest discussion is sometimes all it takes to get back in the saddle.
• Sleep and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, lack of sleep and even changes in diet or physical activity can all get your libido off-kilter.
• Don’t put too much pressure on the sex. Many people put so much hype into having sex that the thought of it makes them stressed out.
• Get intimate in a non-sexual way. Feeling emotionally intimate can make sex feel less awkward. Get used to touching each other again without the pressure of sex: holding hands, hugging and cuddling are all good places to start!
• If you continue to have problems talk to a counselor or your health care provider. Sexual dysfunction is extremely common and usually temporary.
• Don’t give up. Sex is not only good for your relationship — it’s actually healthy! Sex is a natural mood elevator and it decreases stress.

Marriage is less about loving someone for your whole life and more about continuing to learn about your spouse and fall in love with them all over again. We all change over time and the only thing we can do is continue to make the effort to reconnect and renew our bonds to our spouse.

Just remember that for all the visions that we imagine of homecoming, the real magic of homecoming is that you are reunited with your loved one!

photo courtesy of The U.S. Army, surecat, Brent Gambrell

Christine Lay’s husband, Andrew, just returned home from deployment. She is pictured here with her son, Jamey.

When Christine Lay’s husband came home, she described the feeling as “amazing,” if she could even put her excitement into words.

You might know Christine as the mother whose son, Jamey, received a service dog from Veterans United Foundation. But there’s a lot more to this military spouse. Her husband, Andrew Lay, returned home in July to El Paso, Texas, from deployment after being away for nine months.

Although she said their relationship grew stronger because of this challenge, it wasn’t always easy maintaining a sense of normalcy at home.

“It was hard having a kid and not having my husband here,” Christine said. “Basically being a single parent again is really, really hard.”

Even knowing for several months that Andrew was going to be deployed, she had no idea what to expect when that time came because it was his third deployment, but her first time experiencing it. “We heard so many horror stories about deployments, but it was probably a lot better than expected because we were in contact so much,” Christine said. “We were very, very lucky that we were able to talk almost every day through the Internet, Yahoo Messenger and Skype. He was able to purchase his own phone so he could call and text.”

The biggest adjustment during deployment, she said, was the change for her son, Jamey, especially because he has autism. She made sure to keep everything as normal as possible and to not uproot Jamey, who is five and a half years old and non-verbal. According to Operation Autism, unforeseen transitions and changes, which are common for military families, can be particularly traumatic. Although many military wives go home for Christmas, she and Jamey stayed where they were.

“He (Jamey) was very emotional in the beginning when he (Andrew) first left,” Christine said. “It got to the point where it was okay, and I had a poster made of my husband and put it in his room. Now that my husband’s back, it’s like he never left.”

During Andrew’s absence, she said her greatest support systems were her family in Arkansas and other Fort Bliss army wives who would call and come over to check on her.

When her husband returned home, communication in their relationship was even better than before. After Christine didn’t sleep for a week prior to his arrival because of the excitement, she said everything is now back to normal. “It worked out a whole lot better than I thought it would.”

As for giving advice to other military spouses in her position, she says the key is to not stress your spouse or yourself out, which she learned from experience. “Put on a happy face no matter what,” Christine said. “You kind of have to sit back and take it a day at a time.”

Photo courtesy of Christine Lay

Picking an outfit for homecoming is all about making sure you feel attractive, comfortable and confident!I am typically a pretty low-maintenance girl who takes pride in having wash-and-wear hair and getting ready to go out in 20 minutes flat. When homecoming rolls around, all of that changes.

Suddenly, I transform into a woman I hardly know who frets and throws tantrums over dresses that “are all bunchy in all the wrong places.” I fall into the traps of I-have-nothing-to-wear and I-look-awful-in-everything-I-put-on.

It is important to remember that your welcome will be a great one, no matter what you wear. Your service member misses you. Homecoming is about love and you can’t do love wrong. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with picking out a special outfit for homecoming and doing a little extra primping for your service member. The extra effort can help show significant others they’re special.

Over the last year lots of military spouses have asked me for advice on what to wear for homecoming. I am not a fashion expert, but here are some of my suggestions, examples, ideas and tips gathered from the military homecomings I ‘ve seen.

Love it: Flirty

I always warn against overtly sexy outfits. Homecoming celebrations are public events; anyone from the commander to small children and news media could be present. Even if you have it, homecoming is not the place to flaunt it. That does not mean you have to wear a sack! You still want to feel attractive and look your best. Aim for “Flirty” instead of “Sexy.”

What if you want to run into their arms? Be practical.

Leave it: Impractical

There are lots of things to consider. Where will homecoming take place? I say an absolute no to dresses and stockings in the winter. I just won’t do it. If you’re having homecoming at a pier the wind can be very gusty so consider that when picking out a skirt. Homecoming celebrations can be delayed by several hours so make sure you can comfortably stand around in whatever you’re wearing.

Love it: Get dolled up

Consider this your free pass to get your hair done, your eyebrows waxed, new makeup, a spray tan, manicure and pedicure and whatever else! This is a special occasion. Besides, you saved all that money when your spouse was gone on personal grooming products like razors and shaving cream (Kidding, mostly).

Leave it: Over the top

Love a good patriotic color scheme!

Most homecomings are pretty casual. Dresses are appropriate, but this isn’t a ball gown occasion. Excessive jewelry, makeup and over-the-top outfits stand out in a not-so-good way. Keep it simple, classic and realistic. Don’t try too hard.

Love it: Patriotic

It’s perfectly acceptable to tap into the feeling of the day. Patriotic touches help make some of my favorite outfits.

Leave it: Camo or uniform themes

I don’t actually have any outfits in ACU patterns, and I wouldn’t recommend wearing any uniform-themed outfit to homecoming. Your spouse has spent the last (fill in the blank) number of months looking at those uniforms — the last thing he or she wants to see is more of the same on their significant other.

The exception here is for kids: The miniature uniforms are heartbreakers and adorable on  almost any child!

You can’t pull off the uniform look, but your kids can.

Love it: DIY T-shirts

I’ve noticed this much more in recent years. People will order custom T-shirts with personal messages, use iron-ons or fabric paint or even order a deployment homecoming T-shirt from an online retailer like Zazzle. It can be a fun way to express yourself and really personalize your outfit.

Be sure to check out more tips on homecoming from other military spouses in Part 1: Military Spouses Share Tips for a Successful Homecoming!

Photos courtesy of Official US Navy Imagery, Castaway Vintage, Markusram and the California National Guard

This is one of those moments that you hope is perfect; advice on making the most of homecoming.

One of the most anxiety-ridden times for a military family is right before homecoming. There is often a high level of uncertainty about how the service member responded to the difficulties of deployment.

We asked readers about the stress of homecoming and collected some great ideas for how to ease it and make sure things go off without a hitch for you and your family.

Expectations

Melissa’s comment really hammers home the importance of not setting unrealistic expectations. It’s easy to mull over how you want the day to go for months beforehand, but the truth is you’ll never know exactly what will happen or have the perfect fairytale homecoming. Update yourself on the latest status of your service member’s arrival and live in the moment.

Family

Britt’s comment best summarized the majority of responses we received about making sure homecoming and reintegration go smoothly. As tempting as it is to want a huge party the minute your service member arrives, bigger isn’t always better when it comes to homecoming. Leave the waiting by the plane to the spouses and children and then slowly visit more people as things settle down. Rather than playing the guessing game with reintegration, let service members set their own pace.

A Helping Hand

Just because you don’t have an extended family reunion the minute your service member returns doesn’t mean you can’t ask for some help in the reintegration process. The first few weeks will be especially tiring between all of the errands, lack of sleep and excitement so there’s no shame in having a friend take the kids for an evening or letting someone run some errands for you.

It Takes Time

Remember that things won’t return to normal overnight. No one can expect your service member, your kids and your to readjust immediately. Although every family sets its own pace, don’t be surprised if it takes up to a few months to feel somewhat normal again.

Respect

Some of your friends and family members, especially those unfamiliar with the military lifestyle, may want to be there right off the bat, and it’s hard to explain to them why it’s better to wait without hurting their feelings. Rather than let too many people butt into your homecoming, kindly explain that it’ll be easier to get together with them once things settle down. If all else fails, it’s often true and easy to explain that you really have no idea when the return will be exactly and everyone will just have to wait until after.

Remember to take a step back and enjoy the homecoming experience.

Enjoy It

Breanna’s comment is a great way to sum up that you shouldn’t let all of the little external factors detract from reuniting your family. Flight delays, bad weather, rude reporters and spectators shouldn’t get in the way of your enjoyment — take these annoyances with a grain of sand and enjoy your moment.

Photos courtesy of Official US Navy Imagery & North Carolina National Guard

Even though the deployment itself can be stressful, the worst part can be the weeks leading up to a spouse’s homecoming. Even though you may have kept in fairly steady contact, it is very normal to be concerned about changes that have occurred and reintegration to civilian life.

Often stress and anticipation build as the days count down. Try these 7 stress relievers to help calm worries and anxieties before homecoming.

Homecoming is such a highly anticipated event that it can cause stress and anxiety.

Busy Work

If you find yourself constantly thinking and worrying about a homecoming, busy yourself with things to do around the house that you usually put off.

Actually dust the top shelf, shake the rugs or reorganize the junk drawer. These semi-mindless tasks can help take your mind off of your worries as well as give you confidence that your home will be in tip top shape for their return. Its great to take your mind off of things and take an active role in preparing for your spouse’s return.

Do avoid getting caught up in to the point that you are worrying about making the house “spotless” and “just right” for your returning spouse.

Music

Because of our daily exposure to music in the car, on our iPods and even on television, people often forget that music has some great healing qualities to help get us out of a funk.

If you’re really stressed try listening to classical or smooth jazz and if you really need to blow off some steam blast your favorite song in the car and sing along. Losing yourself in the music can be a cathartic and relaxing experience.

Exercise

If you’re feeling really stressed out about homecoming, consider going for a run or getting into a daily exercise routine.

Not only will the endorphins released during exercise help you feel better, the improvements in how you look and feel can give you an extra boost of confidence when you feel run down.

Meditation

At first you may envision a Buddhist monk when you think of meditation, but in reality meditation and mindfulness is something that anyone can do and benefit from.

Meditation can be as simple as taking 10 minutes out of your day to sit and focus your mind on one thing. If you calm yourself and just think about your slow, steady breathing, you’ll be surprised how much more relaxed you’ll feel.

Confide In A Friend

Sometimes the hardest part of stressing about a homecoming is the constant stream of worry going through your head. Rather than run over the same thoughts a hundred times, meet or call a friend and ask if you can bounce some ideas off of them to see if you’re making any sense.

Friends can reassure you that you’re just overthinking everything and help you calm down by simply talking through it.

Family Activities

Family activities are a great way to clear your mind.Work with children, extended family members and even friends to make a welcome home sign or just set up a fun craft or baking activity to do together.

Spending time with your family and friends can help remind you that everything will be okay and, more importantly, that you aren’t alone in the nervous excitement about homecoming.

Picking an outfit for homecoming is all about making sure you feel attractive, comfortable and confident!

Switch Up Your Style

Most military spouses will tell you that before their service member returned, they stopped at the mall to pick up a new dress or stopped at the hairdresser to get a new do.

Although this may seem cliché or superficial, chances are you’ve been spreading yourself thin for months beforehand and taking a moment to focus on yourself and feel confident is long overdue and helpful.

If you’re stressing out about an upcoming homecoming, the most important thing you can do is understand that the worry is normal and chances are, your spouse is just as nervous about seeing you again. Focus on the excitement and happiness surrounding a homecoming and enjoy the family reunion.

Photos thanks to Official US Navy Imagery and s-a-m via Flickr Creative Commons

Try some of these easy activities to welcome your spouse home for the holidays:

Deck the halls

Hanging decorations around the house while holiday music plays is simple and relatively low energy. Asking your military spouse to climb the roof and staple lights may be too demanding.

Photos

Make some hot cocoa, snuggle and look at photos from last year’s holiday season.

Movies

Holiday movies put people in the spirit. Pick your spouse’s favorite movie and watch it together for a simple night in.

Ice skating

If your spouse feels comfortable on skates, take him or her to a rink for an evening that promises some falls and some laughs.

Wrap gifts

Hide the things you bought for your spouse and invite them to help you wrap presents for other recipients.

Bake goods

It’s not common for a service member to return home and turn down home-baked goods. Ask your spouse to chop nuts or blend batter.

Light gazing

Military families with children are sure to hear the young ones request a drive through a light spectacle. Take the whole family to a nearby park or neighborhood that went all out.

Start a new tradition

This can be whatever you’d like it to be. The possibilities are endless. It can be silly or routine as long as it embraces the holiday spirit and brings a smile to your military spouse’s face.

Photo thanks to Aubry Aragon via Flickr Creative Commons

Because so much pressure is put on this one moment, it is easy for military spouses left at home to dream of the perfect reunion. There’s a push to get in shape, spotlessly clean the house, cook a fantastic meal, get a haircut, go shopping for new clothes and show up at the airport looking like a movie star.

Deciding how extended family, parents and friends can be involved in homecoming can be an additional stressor on both the military spouse at home and deployed service members.

If you’re concerned about integrating your extended family and parent-in-laws into the homecoming festivities, use these tips to build a personal plan of action.

How many is too many?

Because of all the excitement surrounding a homecoming, it’s easy to think that there should be a giant party with everyone you’ve ever met waiting for them after they step off the plane. Before you send out invitations though, think about your spouse.

Think about how you feel after a long trip complete with exhaustion and jet lag, and add to that the stress of being deployed for the past however many months.  Talk with your spouse and decide together on how many will be too many and become overwhelming.

For some the big reunion works but you need to evaluate carefully, is it really the time for a massive family reunion at the airport?

Plan it

The military lifestyle is full of surprises and planning too much is something that can leave you with unfulfilled expectations.

Although you may not be able to plan down to the minute, decide what you generally want to happen. Who will be there at the airport, waiting at home, visiting in the first few days or weeks? Talk together about who your spouse wants to see first, how long they want visits to be, and what type of visits they are (group, individual, over an activity or in a quiet laid back setting).

What is important?

If your spouse is coming back from deployment for an extended period of time, the most important thing should be getting back into a family routine.

This may not include extended family and should really focus on the spouse and children.

Just ask

As important as the day is to you, it is really all about the returning service member. It is important to ask what they want.

Who will they be comfortable with at the airport or waiting at home right away? Try to keep an open mind for what they want to do. They may want to take things slow or jump right in, and you should try to be okay with that. Remember to discuss all aspects including who, what, when, where and how long for visits.

It also may be helpful to have an exit strategy for you and your spouse if visits become too long or too much. Prepare a signal for each other and have a way to excuse you and your family from the visit early.

Mother in laws & family

Military wives especially struggle with sharing their husbands with their mother-in-law upon homecoming. He is your husband and you miss him very much, but he is also her child and she’s been worried sick.

Don’t judge yourself or think you’re completely selfish when you want to spend time alone with your loved one after deployment. But try to consider and respect the relationship your husband has with other family members and friends that are important to him. He may want to include them in homecoming activities. Here are some things to keep in mind:

• Breaking the news: If you and your deployed service member decide that homecoming should be an intimate family event for the first few days, breaking the news to those who would like to be involved can be scary. The fear of a hostile reaction is nerve racking for everyone and the best course of action may be to have the person deployed let people like parents and siblings know the plan. Hearing it directly from the source can ease harsh reactions.

• Take a walk in her shoes: It’s easy to get frustrated with your mother-in-law for controlling too much about the day. However, it’s important to take a step back and decide how you would feel about your own child in the same situation. Remind any upset mother-in-laws that this process is a two way street and she should respect the marital bond and the difficulty of reintegrating. Literature on the importance of reestablishing marital and family bonds after deployment should be available from your FRG or military support, sometimes this information can help you start the conversation.

• Secret operation: Some decide the solution to taking things slow without hurting anyone’s feelings is to not tell anyone. As tempting as this may sound, politely asking for some alone time is a lot easier than conducting a secret CIA operation. The secret operation route has a lot more potential to damage relationships for the long term. If you are discovered, the deception and the hurt associated with not telling extended family members can be hard to overcome.

Keep an open mind

Remember that homecoming is just like every other event and there might be mix-ups, delays and letdowns. The best plan to have is one that rolls with the punches and remains flexible with any last-minute changes.

Photo thanks to U. S. Coast Guard via Flickr Creative Commons

About one in five military members returning from Iraq and Afghanistan report PTSD symptoms, but only half typically seek treatment, according to a 2008 study by the Rand Corporation.

Spouses can face an array of challenges when a loved one begins to exhibit symptoms of the disorder. But there are paths to treatment and help for spouses and service members alike.

Recognizing PTSD

Traumatic, shocking or disturbing events can cause PTSD. Witnessing deaths of fellow service members or surviving a life-threatening event may cause PTSD, too. Mainly, PTSD anxiety is rooted in reliving the traumatic event.

Several symptoms may come and go, but the disorder will remain. Common symptoms can include:

• Nightmares or sleeplessness
• Extreme apathy
• Hypersensitivity, especially to loud noises, commotion or crowds
• Anxiety, irritability
• Inability to concentrate
• Detachment from people
• Intense flashbacks

Talking to Your Spouse about PTSD

If these symptoms sound familiar and occur frequently your spouse may have PTSD, which requires professional help. Take a sensitive, affectionate approach that shows you care. Something like, “It seems something is bothering you. Let’s talk to the VA and our primary physician” can be effective.

If you’re a wife talking to your husband, your words could either trigger a macho response or guide him in the right direction. Men with PTSD have tendencies to get embarrassed, tight-lipped or aggressive. Tell your husband that together you should seek help for the sake of your marriage and family.

Getting Help

Therapeutic treatments, which may be covered by the VA, are designed to help PTSD veterans talk through their symptoms. Whether a veteran chooses group, family, exposure or cognitive therapy is up to him or her. Guidelines for talking to doctors about PTSD may help, too.

Regardless of the treatment your veteran spouse chooses, be supportive.

At the same time, feel comfortable introducing your spouse to additional treatment options. An abundance of veteran organizations make it their mission to get veterans helping other veterans. Veterans of Foreign Wars, Wounded Warrior Project and Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America are great resources to suggest to your spouse for developing connections with other veterans.

What may be seen as “alternative treatments” in treating PTSD have gained traction in recent years. Yoga and acupuncture introduce meditative or therapeutic relief, especially when combined with other therapies. With the finding that antipsychotic and antidepressant medications aren’t as effective as desired, some veterans pursue these alternative treatments in conjunction with therapy or medication.

Encouraging your spouse to maintain a healthy lifestyle is important to overcoming PTSD symptoms. If the timing for encouragement doesn’t seem right, at least ensure that your spouse does not pick up unhealthy habits. Eating right, exercising and staying employed are keys to good health and will possibly minimize PTSD symptoms.

With as much as 20 percent of veterans coming home with PTSD, spouses want to be prepared to help their veteran spouse deal with PTSD. The National Center for PTSD is loaded with resources.

Figuring out how to help your veteran spouse cope with PTSD may take time. Don’t try to rush your husband or wife to therapy. Remind them you’re there to help and show them affection when they’re ready. Together, the two of you can alleviate PTSD’s effects, and keep your relationship healthy.

Photo thanks to BBCworldservice via Flickr Creative Commons

Helping your military spouse through his/her PTSD symptoms can be a difficult road. But, what if your spouse is fighting a different battle? Breast Cancer. According to a 2009 study, military women are 20 to 40 percent more likely to be diagnosed with breast cancer than other women in the same age groups.  Here’s how breast cancer and the military collide.

The reality is that homecomings can prove challenging for service members and those who love them.

“Reunion with family often is idealized as a quick, smooth return to normalcy,” according to the American Psychological Association’s Help Center. “The reality may fall short of that ideal.”

Expectations v. Reality

Savior your reunion and try to avoid having huge expectations

Readjusting after returning home can take time, patience and commitment from everyone involved. To make the homecoming transition as smooth as possible, realistic expectations and open communication is crucial.

Military members returning home might anticipate a problem-free readjustment full of fun and excitement. But the notion that it’ll be possible to immediately resume life as it was, prior to deployment, is often misleading.

Service members may believe that relationships with children and spouses will be just as they were before leaving. But actually homecomings are full of mixed emotions and stages of adjustment.

According to a report from After Deployment.org, the stages of readjustment typically include:

Honeymoon

• There’s a sense of euphoria and relief
• Conflicts are typically avoided
• Focus on family time

Adjustment

• Realization that changes need to be made
• Expectations are changed and tested
• Pressures of daily life gets stronger
• More conflict with each other

Integration

• Adjustment in roles
• Decrease in conflict
• Disagreements are addressed

Upon returning home expectations and reality often collide. While everyone is glad you’re home, they may not want to spend a lot of time talking about your experiences.

Remember to expect even less from children, they will take time to adjust as things change at home.

Spouses may have become more independent while you were away, and children can gain a new sense of maturity and, sometimes, distance during separation, according to the National Center for PTSD.  It is important to have a flexible outlook on priorities within the household.

Readjustment Reminders

It’s important for military members and family members to be open minded, patient and caring when the time comes to reestablish family bonds and old routines.

Communication may be difficult after a separation and closeness may also be awkward. Only time and effort can help bridge the emotional distance.

Service members with children should be understanding of their feelings and allow the child to be the first to renew the bond. Also, finding a place within the new family structure does not have to happen right away; it’s all right to take things slow.

Additional Resources

The National Center for PTSD

www.afterdeployment.org

How to Move without your Military Spouse
While your military spouse is deployed, chances are you might have to move homes. This process can be intimidating in the least, but when you have to do it by yourself it can be terrifying. Check out these moving tips for when you find yourself having to move houses without your military spouse.

Photo thanks to heraldpost and DVIDShub via Flickr Creative Commons