Friendship can deepen your relationship with your spouse.

Marriage, if it is going to last, is about more than just being in love. True love means that you are not just in love, but you are also friends.

Military couples have many added obstacles in marriage. Strong marriages have strong foundations in friendship. Don’t worry, you do not have to like your spouse all the time, but a relationship should have a healthy friendship and this friendship needs to be tended to and nurtured over the years. This friendship will help you grow together over the years as a couple.

The Golden Rule

In building your relationship it is always important to remember that the only person that you can change is yourself; you should never focus on changing someone else. If you want to be better friends with your spouse, you need to start with you, and work on being a better friend to your spouse. Really, this is just the golden rule, “Do to others what you would want them to do to you.”

Compare to Your Friends

When I sat down to think about this article, I thought of my great long-lasting friendships and how they treat me, and in turn how I treat them. The relationships that exist between my friends and I are full of indicators of mutual trust, respect and affection.

25 Ways to be a Best Friend to Your Spouse

Enjoy your spouse.

1. Enjoy your spouse for who they are.

2. Discover and foster mutual interests. Best friends find things they both like to do and continue to develop those mutual interests.

3. Prioritize your spouse.

4. Spend quality time with your spouse.

5. Remind your spouse of their best qualities, especially when they feel vulnerable.

6. Criticize (without being critical). Best friends challenge you to be the best person you can be.

7. Listen, don’t judge. Our friends want to know first and foremost that we understand them.

8. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt.

9.  Let it go a bit when your spouse is grumpy. We all have bad days and want our friends to give us wiggle room when we have them.

10. Take notice of your spouse’s favorites. If something is important to your spouse, recognize it, even if it is not important to you.

11. Don’t take advantage of your spouse’s weaknesses. Recognize that your spouse trusts you.

12. Only speak good things about your spouse, every time and to everyone.

13. Defend your spouse in front of others. If someone talks negatively of your spouse, defend them. That is what friends do.

Find something you enjoy to do and do it with your spouse.

14. Do things for your spouse. You do not need a reason and you should no expect anything in return.

15. Tell your spouse the truth. Sometimes you need to level with your friends in a kind, respectful way.

16. Discuss your hurt or anger with your spouse during disagreements without belittling them.

17. Share in your spouses happiness. It is always more fun to be happy together!

18. Celebrate in your spouses success. If your spouse has accomplished something (even a small something) congratulate and cheer.

19. Share your interests, your thoughts and opinions. It is important to show your spouse you are willing to trust him or her with your thoughts and opinions as well.

20. Communicate clearly. You should not expect your spouse to read your mind. Be clear when expressing your thoughts.

20. Keep your spouses secrets. Your spouse needs to trust that emotions and thoughts shared with you are for your ears only.

21. Accept your spouse’s silence. Respect that sometimes your spouse is not yet ready to talk about something and be patient.

22. Laugh with your spouse.

23. Treat your spouse as your equal. Friendships are a give and take that balances out over your friendship.

24. Support your spouse’s decisions. You may sometimes disagree but in the end do your best to support your spouse in their decision.

25. Be reliable for your spouse. Sometimes we may bail on our spouse because “they will understand”. You should also make every effort to come through with what you said you would do.

The next time you snap at your spouse, or half-listen to they story they are telling about work, ask yourself if this is how you would treat your best friend. Then, ask yourself: why your spouse deserves anything less?

Photos courtesy of boliston, Chau kar, mike baird on Flickr.

Rejoice in the fact that your service member is home.

Homecoming is a hard thing to prep for as a military spouse. It’s hard to keep your mind from wandering. The imagination runs wild, and after being on your own so long, it feel nice to hope and fantasize about how all of your worries and your loneliness will melt away and magically your family will move forward without missing a beat.

Unfortunately, that’s seldom the case.

It’s key to remember that a successful reintegration and homecoming is one that has few expectations, because disappointment can really sour everything. One area that expectations are hard to manage is in the bedroom.

Sexual intimacy is an important part of a marriage. It is a wonderful way to reunite with your spouse and express love and affection.

But homecoming reunions are not always “sexy”. Homecoming is an unforgettably wonderful, amazing and memorable time. But homecoming is also just as confusing, frustrating, stressful and complicated as it is joyous. For most people, there are just as many knots in your stomach as there are butterflies.

Both of You Have Changed

Time has passed, and no matter how many letters you have written or Skype dates you have had with your spouse, your spouse has changed and you have changed as well. This is completely normal, but it takes some adjustment. Both of you are nervous and clumsy and giggly or crying and you have to realize that it’s fine for the reunion to not be the slow-motion run and long, romantic kiss like you see in the movies. Give it time.

It’s important to get some shut-eye — both you and your soldier.

Get Some Shut-Eye

Forget the spouse who tells you all about their 12-hour “locked door” session the night her husband came home, a vast majority of service members come home dead tired. They have likely traveled for multiple days with no shower and little sleep. Get some sleep. It’s good for both of you after the anxiety leading up to homecoming, and you will enjoy yourself more when it is time for intimacy if you both have gotten some rest.

Awkward Encounters

It is very common for couples to need to readjust to being sexually intimate after such a long time apart. If you have to, go slow and realize that it may not always be your most memorable experience the first couple of times. Remember, your spouse is home now, so you don’t have to rush.

Stress on Your Sex Life

Let’s face it — reintegration is stressful for every service member. Stress hurts our bodies and can cause a number of different symptoms such as tense muscles, irritability, loss of concentration, cramping, headaches, upset stomach and, of course, loss of libido.

Post-Traumatic Stress can make sex and intimacy even more difficult. Service members and veterans with PTS may have sudden and unpredictable flashbacks and in some cases heightened sexual arousal can trigger flashbacks, especially during the initial adjustment period.

Tips

Intimacy is very important, but you can be intimate with your partner without having sex.

• Talk about sex with your spouse. It may be hard to start talking about it but having an honest discussion is sometimes all it takes to get back in the saddle.
• Sleep and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, lack of sleep and even changes in diet or physical activity can all get your libido off-kilter.
• Don’t put too much pressure on the sex. Many people put so much hype into having sex that the thought of it makes them stressed out.
• Get intimate in a non-sexual way. Feeling emotionally intimate can make sex feel less awkward. Get used to touching each other again without the pressure of sex: holding hands, hugging and cuddling are all good places to start!
• If you continue to have problems talk to a counselor or your health care provider. Sexual dysfunction is extremely common and usually temporary.
• Don’t give up. Sex is not only good for your relationship — it’s actually healthy! Sex is a natural mood elevator and it decreases stress.

Marriage is less about loving someone for your whole life and more about continuing to learn about your spouse and fall in love with them all over again. We all change over time and the only thing we can do is continue to make the effort to reconnect and renew our bonds to our spouse.

Just remember that for all the visions that we imagine of homecoming, the real magic of homecoming is that you are reunited with your loved one!

photo courtesy of The U.S. Army, surecat, Brent Gambrell

Building a strong marriage is a lot of work, but it will help your relationship stand the test of time.

Building a strong and healthy marriage is a lot of work, and even the strongest marriages will be tested along the path of life. People who stick out the worst often later say they acquired a new sense of appreciation for their spouse and had a deeper sense of marital satisfaction. Families who stay together tend to endure less financial stress and fewer instances of mental health issues in the long run.

There is no 1-2-3 formula to divorce-proof your marriage. A successful marriage must have two dedicated partners who are willing to tread the tumultuous areas of their relationship together. There must be mutual love, and it must be a mature love that remains dedicated to the commitment long after the initial infatuation is over. Respect, empathy and kindness are tools that married couples must be willing to employ during the good times, and during the not-so-good times.

Here are some general ideas and suggestions on how to strengthen and reinforce your commitment to your spouse and to your marriage.

Communication is not just talking

It’s also actively listening to your spouse. Depending on the research, most of us only hear 25 to 50 percent of what we’re told in a conversation. Provide feedback and ask questions if something is said and you need clarity. Do NOT build a rebuttal in your mind while your spouse is speaking. It’s perfectly fine to take a moment before your respond to gather your own thoughts. So many fights happen when neither party is listening to the other. A little active listening can go a long way.

Be a friend not a critic

The world is a harsh place, but our home does not have to be. Focus on what you like most about your spouse. Remember how much you love his sense of humor, or her generosity to others. When a situation arises and you feel the need to address it with your spouse do it at a time when it’s easier to hear the concern. Don’t jump to blaming or attacking. The way you approach the discussion will have a lot to do with how it ends up.

Show your spouse affection every day

If you are separated because of deployment or training, you will have to find new ways to do this. Some of that affection can be planned ahead of time such as leaving notes of affection for your spouse to find when he unpacks and settles in where ever he is. Send a daily email that highlights one thing daily that you miss about him. It doesn’t have to be profound or even romantic, but telling your deployed spouse that his or her absence resonates throughout your day will remind them of how much they mean to you.

Take advantage of the resources the military provides for couples.

Mind your manners

 Just because you have been married for 10 years doesn’t mean you can disregard words like “Please” and “Thank you.” Of all the people you should be considerate and graceful toward it should be your spouse.

When all else fails, forgive and trust

I have never met a happily married couple whose marital bliss is founded on grudges and mistrust. Not all conflicts in life can have a happy, clear-cut and easy resolution. If you can not come to a resolution then try trusting your spouse’s motives and intentions.

Don’t let pride ruin your marriage

 If you’ve hit a place in your marriage where you feel you are at an impasse, then seek an outside source like these resources specifically designed for military couples. Sometimes the troubles of life can overwhelm us and we need an objective party to help us navigate the storms.

Photos courtesy of Campdarby and 101st CAB, Wings of Destiny

Life moves fast in the military. Vow renewal may or may not be the perfect solution to a less-than-ideal wedding.

Plans are often tentative in the military. A road trip alone may have a plan A, B, C, D and still not work out. Road trips come and go, but what happens when a military couple wants to plan their once-in-a-lifetime wedding?

Some military couples may have their dream wedding no problem, but it isn’t uncommon for an enlistment date, assignment, deployment or other military-related circumstance to call for some sacrifice and compromise.

Many couples consider vow renewals or second ceremonies. If you’re one of those couples, here are a few things to think about:

Reasons for Renewal

There are many reasons for vow renewal. Some couples choose to renew their vows no matter how long they have been married in order to get the dream ceremony they never had. Perhaps they want the full shebang with decorations, photography and a nice venue or perhaps it’s as simple as having the attendants they couldn’t have before.

Another reason may be that the couple overcame a traumatic experience such as a deployment, serious illness,  injury or infidelity. A vow renewal can signify a new beginning as a recommitted couple and  re-strengthen the marriage .

Some couples are completely against the idea and believe vow renewal is unnecessary seeing as they already made the commitment. Others feel a vow renewal prior to a five-year anniversary is unnecessary.

Official Vow Renewal

If you decide you fall on the pro-renewal side, forget the debate and have your special day. Before you do, there are decisions to make as to go about your renewal ceremony.

Guests

The first consideration is your guests. Make a guest list and send invitations to your ceremony with the disclaimer that you and your spouse are choosing to have the ceremony you were unable to have before.

Gifts

It is your and your spouse’s preference as to whether you want to register for gifts. If you registered for your wedding, you may just want to keep it to a ceremony. If you were unable to register for your wedding, guests will be more likely to purchase gifts.

Extra Parties

It is highly recommended to not have a bachelor or bachelorette party. While you may not have had the wedding you desired, you are still married and such celebrations may cause more trouble than they are worth. It is also not common to have bridal parties.

Officiant

Luckily, you’re already married and don’t need to go through the paperwork process again. You can still book an officiant or minister to run a formal ceremony if you prefer, or you can run the ceremony yourself.

Honeymoon

Honeymoons are definitely an option for couples. Some even choose to host their ceremony in an all-expenses paid location. That way, you and your guests can appreciate a vacation. Not only that, the all-inclusive route can save you the stress of planning out the details of the ceremony and after-party, if you choose to have one.

Non-Renewal Celebration

If you do not like the idea of a vow renewal, you can still throw a party to acknowledge the sacrifices you made for your wedding. If you had a video made, you can play your original vow exchange for guests and live up the night as the married couple you are.

Have you have vow renewal ceremony or are you planning one?

What about your wedding? Do you feel like you had the wedding of your dreams or do you feel like you missed out?

Photo courtesy of U.S. Army

Sometimes a marriage need a little reinforcement to ride out the inconsistencies of military life. Whether it’s to revive or just maintain a healthy marriage, here are some resources designed specifically for the military marriage:

Marriages take commitment and attention.

Military OneSource

Military OneSource offers free non-medical counseling to service members and spouses. Non-medical counseling revolves around everyday issues, stress and anger management, adjustment after deployment and parenting and grief issues. Married couples can receive referrals for up to 12 sessions with licensed professionals without cost. Sessions can be face-to-face or over the phone. Start by calling 800-342-9647 or visiting the website.

Military Life Family Consultants

Non-medical services are offered through experienced clinical providers. They can provide support as well as refer situations needing additional psychological health support. Additional issues may include PTSD, suicidal thoughts or substance abuse.

Military couples can get in touch with a Family Life Consultant in their home installation. Resources include Army Community Services, Marine Corps Community Services, Navy Fleet and Family Support Centers, Airman and Family Readiness Centers, and National Guard and Reserve members. For more information call 888-755-9355.

DCE Outreach Center

The Defense Centers of Excellence provides confidential support for free when military members call 866-966-1020 or sign into Real Warriors Live Chat.

Installation Services 

There are typically military relationship enhancement classes offered through family support or service centers, chaplain services or through similar civilian sources.

Military Medical Treatment Facility

Each branch of the military and Defense Department civilian employees who have been deployed can go to the Military Medical for evaluation and treatment of medical conditions such as PTSD and substance abuse.

Using TRICARE

Military couples can look at eligibility requirements for TRICARE’s Mental and Behavioral Health services and find a provider. Members can also call 866-966-1020 or contact a civilian provider.

There is also a TRICARE Assistance Program (TRIAP) offered to active duty family members that includes a 24-hour web-based counseling service for non-medical issues using video chat and instant messaging with licensed counselors.

Take advantage of the resources the military provides for your marriage.

Free Marriage Retreats

There are multiple retreats offered to military couples free of cost, including:

• In addition to a free retreat, the Coming Home Project offers workshops to servicemembers of Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom. Locations include San Antonio, San Francisco, San Diego and Washington, D.C.
• For Reservists and Guardsmen who have been home from Operation Iraqi Freedom and/or Operation Enduring Freedom for six months, Compass Retreat Center provides a weeklong camp in Seymour, Ind.
• For service members who have returned from deployment for at least three months but no more than 15 can attend a four-day program through Operation Purple sponsored by the National Military Family Association.
• Project New Hope provides combat veterans and their families three-day programs in Minnesota, Wisconsin and New York
• For six days and five nights, Project Sanctuary works to strengthen marriages with a cost-free retreat in the Colorado Rocky Mountains.

Photos courtesy of Sergio Vassio and The National Guard

It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. Here are a few ways you can express solidarity and work to ensure your military spouse knows you’ll always be there for them:

When reassuring your spouse consistency makes all the difference.

Get Embedded

One of the best ways you can show support for your spouse’s decision to join the military is to join it yourself—in the civilian sense. Get involved with your Family Readiness Group and try to find get-togethers and activities to get excited about. Try to meet some people and make some friends to establish a social life. Once your spouse sees that you can create a life alongside the military, his or her fear may be eased.

Communicate Carefully

Depending on whether your spouse is away on assignment, there are a few approaches to communicate in a way that shows your affection.

If your spouse is away, try to keep the communication consistent. Write regularly via email or post, but be sure not to promise anything you can’t deliver. Don’t promise to write every day if you know your schedule can get crazy. Falling back on a promise leaves room for doubt, so keep expectations realistic.

Also try to keep your communication open, but be sure to emphasize the good. If you two can only chat via phone, talk about some positive news such as some family fun or a new hobbyyou picked up. You can be honest about struggles you’re having, but be sure to

explain how you’re coping or trying to cope. Just expressing struggles may touch on a guilty feeling that he or she cannot be there for you. If they doubt they can meet your needs, their fear of you leaving may heighten.

One topic to ensure some investment is your future together. Perhaps you can talk about your future home, family or vacations.

When your service member needs extra assurance realize that this is just because he or she still needs to feel loved and needed, not that you are doing anything wrong.

Package Your Love in a Gift

You may not always be able to voice how you feel, but giving your spouse something tangible as a reminder of your affection can be helpful. It can be as simple as his or her favorite candy, movie, magazine or a picture.

Create a Scrapbook

The work and effort that goes into a scrapbook can be a great way to show that your relationship is worth it to you. You can show how much you appreciate old memories and it may even spark ideas to create new ones.

Photo courtesy of ianimmortal and nanny snowflake via Flickr.

Military Spouse Central asked for spouse opinions in which resulted in a few different approaches. Here are some to consider:

Reenlistment can be a big decision for the whole family

Service Member’s Decision

Some spouses want zero influence and take the “it’s his career choice and I’m here to support it” route. They may not discuss it at all with their spouse until the decision is made and it’s time to embrace it.

Give Opinion and See

Spouses also recognize the decision is ultimately their service members, but offer their help in voicing their concerns and perspective. Some common concerns that may be worth discussing include children, schooling, deployments and relocations.

Melissa Blietz didn’t want her husband to feel any regret and resentment if the decision wasn’t his own. So while she offered her thoughts, she assured him she was “behind him 100 percent, no matter what he decided to do.”

Dependant on Family Sacrifice

When a family is involved, a service member’s career greatly affects everyone. It may be beneficial to weigh the sacrifices each member may have to make for reenlistment. It may not just be time or financial aspects, but also aspirations. Tiffany Pitt-Meier made a plea to spouses that no matter what decision is made, spouses shouldn’t underestimate their role as a military spouse and should continue considering their own dreams.

Weigh Family and Personal Career

For Jay NearformerDarling, there are only two factors: “what’s best for our family… and what’s best for him.” If the service member decides to stay in and the family dynamic stays in tact, there is no problem. If the service member is miserable and decides not to reenlist, then the family can avoid resentment and find a way to start a new life.

Today You, Tomorrow Me

Michele Tveit Jackson stated her view quite when she replied, “I don’t mind following him around now because when he does get out, he will follow me and I don’t want him trying to tell me what to do with my career.” Spouses may take a back seat for now, but with the future in mind. You can choose to fully support whatever decision your spouse makes so they are prepared to return the favor when you both decide it’s your turn.

Secured Income

Some spouses focus on the practical side of a steady income before allowing their spouse to rush to any decision. Andrea Forte mentioned her husband can reenlist all he wants, but before he gets our he should make sure he can secure a civilian job.

Reserve Compromise

Another route to approach is the idea of reenlisting into the reserves as opposed to another active duty. The service member will have to discuss the option with a reserve counselor to make sure the transition can occur quickly enough and keep the transition smooth.

Photo courtesy of Morning Calm News

These numbers can seem dramatic and troubling, and while they are obviously a signal that something is wrong, it is good to know that organizations and groups are also taking notice and measures are being taken to help military enter into healthy relationships and keep military marriages strong through rough times.

Military marriage divorce rates are still on the rise as we move into 2012.

From 2010 to 2011 the increase in divorce rates for the military was only 0.1 percent, but certain groups within the military still saw a more drastic increase. For example there was a 0.4 increase for females in the navy while females in the Marine Corps saw a 0.4 percent decrease.

Even though the increase from 2010 to 2011 was minimal in comparison to past years, it is clear that divorce rates are still climbing among military personnel. One of the Army’s more well-known intervention programs, Strong Bonds, saw this trend and donated over $100 million to marriage support. That money directly funded more than 4,000 support events at bases in the US and overseas.

Use the resources offered by the military to keep your marriage strong

Nearly one in 10 marriages ended for military women in 2011, revealing that women in the military are more than twice as likely to experience divorce with their spouse, according to the Department of Defense. So far no one has conducted research to figure out why these numbers are so high.

The most common reason pointed out is stress. The stress soldiers experience while they’re serving their country and the stress military spouses endure while their loved ones are away. Dealing with this stress is different for every individual, that’s why it is important to be open with asking for help if you’re experiencing stress within your military marriage.

A number of organizations and websites believe in devoting time to helping military couples through these hard times. Here at Veterans United we’ve created guides and articles with this strengthening of military marriages in mind. Here are a few to look through and some ideas for keeping this Valentine’s Day special:

• Defend Yourself Against Deployment Depression 
• Vent Anger Without Secondhand Stress
• Say AHHH! A Check-Up for Your Marriage 
• 4 Ways to Keep Them Close While They’re Away 
• 8 Homemade Valentine’s Day Gifts for a Care Package 

Photo Courtesy of familymwr

Prevention and early detection is a key to physical health and wellness. The wonderful thing about regular visits is catching diseases, health problems and concerns before troubling symptoms and complications set in. You can treat the problem while it is small and easy to manage.

It is better for your marriage to identify and fix issues before problems grow from a snowball to an avalanche. Catching problems in your relationship makes it easier to change habits and minimize the damage. So what should you look for when you do a marriage check-up?

Here are four basic things to think about when you do a relationship check-up.

#1. Together Time

You probably know that it is important to spend time with your spouse. As a military spouse, you are challenged from the very beginning to carve out time with your husband or wife but that’s not an excuse!

During deployments or other time away utilize the time you do have and carve out special routines, times or rituals to connect. Check out our post on romance during deployment.

When your spouse is home, make time for the two of you to be together. Many people suggest finding an activity to do together, but be careful that you are not letting an activity get in the way. It can easily become more about the activity than the connection. Try to make time together that does not have kids, school activities, other friends or a to-do list involved. It isn’t always easy, so sometimes you have to be creative to get time together.

Check to make sure that you are regularly carving out together time in your schedule

#2. Alone Time

Easy, our spouses are away for long stretches so we have plenty of time away from each other, right? Wrong. This does not really count as time alone within your marriage. Alone time is time to have privacy, do your own thing and to be your own person.

Maybe those who do not have children have enough alone time while their spouse is away, but for those who have kids, trust me, the time when your spouse is away can hardly be counted as time to yourself.

As for your spouse, the military may be a big part of who your spouse is, but they still need “non-military alone time”. It is sometimes hard for us to allow for this after our spouses come home from being deployed or at training for a long time, but suffocating them is never a good thing.

Check to make sure you are giving both you and your spouse enough personal time.

#3. Get Physical

Physical expression is a very important part of human interaction.

This includes sexual and non-sexual touching. Touching is incredibly important to your relationship and simple touches can be a good thing to think about and be aware of. Touching can affect your mood drastically and even something as simple as holding hands can make a cumulative difference in your marriage.

Check to make sure you and your spouse are making efforts to physically connect with each other.

#4. Respect

This one is one that I personally catch myself slipping up on the most. It is easy to get grumpy and irritable with your spouse and it is easy to let things slip.

Your spouse winds up getting the not-so-pretty side of you and you get the less-than-courteous side of them. No matter what, you should try to be polite and use manners, even with your spouse! Saying please and thank you can go a long way in almost any situation.

Do not speak badly of your spouse to people outside of the relationship, and make an effort to consciously listen and show interest in your spouse’s thoughts, feelings and opinions.

It is easy to let your behavior slip because you are comfortable with your spouse. Comfort and honesty does not remove the need to consciously and actively respect your spouse. Think about how you talk to your best friends, your colleagues, and other people who you respect.

Check to make sure you are treating each other with respect.

These check ups are a great way to find things to improve on, things that need some attention, some work or just to help us refocus. It is also a very constructive way to talk about your relationship with your spouse.

Let us know how you check up on your marriage in our comments section!

Photo thanks to sidknee23 via Flickr Creative Commons

Military couples may find it even tougher to stick it out seeing as deployments, trainings and permanent changes of station are constantly changing circumstances. But with some thoughtful planning and communication married couples can merge money matters without hassle and keep the financial honeymoon going.

When you are planning to get married make sure you and your spouse discuss these topics:

Budgeting and finances are major issues in marriage so start off on the right foot.

Budget

You both have expenses, fixed and flexible. The first step is to list them all separately to determine the costs you and your spouse are facing together. This is also the time to discuss overall attitudes towards finances. Things like how much money should be spent on different non-essential items should be outlined.

There are free websites such as Mint.com that provide various budgeting forms and tools to can help get you started when you are organizing your finances together for the first time.  Check out this post by Smart Military Money on how to use these online tools to make budgeting easier. Once you have a projected budget, you and your spouse can use it to compare your actual spending tracked over time.

Deciding to Combine Accounts

• Bank Account: Some couples combine bank accounts, some keep them split and some create a new joint account in addition to their own. It really depends on preference. Combining accounts allows couples to use the same bank source and have a common location. Also, if anything were to happen to you or your spouse, the right of survivorship will transfer ownership to the surviving member. Having multiple people on an account increases the need for constant communication because misunderstanding could lead to incorrect balances and/or overdrawn accounts. As long as there is ample communication and delegated balancing times, couples can easily overcome these obstacles.
• Insurance: Many couples compare their health care benefits and decide which would provide the most benefit if combined into a family plan. With the military, service members and family are offered TRICARE to cover health, dental and pharmaceutical benefits for active and retired members. Auto and homeowners insurance may also offer discounts if combined.
• Cell Phone: You and your spouse can save some money by switching to a family plan for your cell phone providers. In fact if you use your military discount on certain providers, you can save even more.

Delegating Responsibility

Now that pool expenses is under one roof, you’ll have to determine who will be responsible for making payments and performing tasks like grocery shopping. The tasks can be split evenly, given to one person or rotated throughout the year. Couples have found success with each method, so again it’s left to you and your spouse’s preference.

How will the bills get paid?

A specific note for military couples is to discuss having shared access to the responsibility. Spouses of military members should obtain a power of attorney, which will allow them to make financial decisions on behalf of their spouse if deployed or unable to access accounts. Finances are a very important thing to talk about before any deployment. Be sure to share account numbers, passwords and due dates.

For those couples who may face or are facing a deployment, check out Smart Military Money’s financial checklist for the soon-to-be-deployed

Tackling Debt

Debt is a problem for marriage, no matter who it originates with, since both credit scores can play into major purchases. The first step is disclosing the amount of debt each other is facing as well as the interest rates.

Set goals together for when you want each loan paid off and evaluate the plan with each other as months go by. Some couples choose to combine debts by paying the most toward the principal with the highest interest rate. That way, it can be paid off first and you two can tackle the less burdensome debts.

Stash Cash

A good habit for couples to get into is contributing extra cash or dedicating a certain percentage of pay to a savings account. It’s recommended that couples have three to six times their monthly expenses in savings for any emergencies or unexpected loss of income. Newlyweds probably don’t have such a stash on hand after a wedding, honeymoon and home purchase, but with commitment and patience, they can get there.

Photo thanks to RambergMediaImages and Brad_Chaffee via Flickr Creative Commons