It’s easy to get lost between taking care of your loved one, the kids and yourself. You grow tired and feel overwhelmed. When 24 hours just doesn’t seem enough, try these time management strategies to take control of the home front.

The Pomodoro Technique

A Pomodoro timer could be your secret to productivity.

“Pomodoro,” the Italian word for tomato, is best known in culinary circles. But the Pomodoro Technique is great for everyone — and can help you work more productively.

The Pomodoro Technique involves a tomato-shaped kitchen timer (or any timer you may have about the house) and a little bit of planning. You work uninterrupted for 25 minutes, then relax uninterrupted for 3-5 minutes. In a nutshell, it’s like high-intensity interval training for time management. Here’s the process:

1. Jot down a to-do list for the day
2. Set the timer to 25 minutes
3. Start the first task, do not stop until the timer dings. Mark an “X” next to that task.
4. Take a 3-5 minute break.
5. Take a 15-30 minute break for every four “X”s
6. Repeat steps 3-4 until the first task is finished
7. Repeat steps 3-6 until all tasks are finished

If the tomato timer is too quirky for you, check out this online variation.

The Getting It Done (GTD) method

Invented by productivity guru David Allen, the GTD method is a simple and effective system based on prioritization. It’s easy to lose track of time when you’re juggling so many projects, which results in anxiety and unfinished work. Start each week by raking through your brain for all the things you need to do, can do and want to do. Break them down by order of importance and even finer by specific actions you can take to complete a task. Remember not everything on the list demands your immediate attention; it is there to help you clarify priorities. Use the five-minute list to clump easier projects and refer back to it when you get a few minutes of spare time here and there.

RescueTime

Available for both PC and Mac users, RescueTime is an online tool that tracks how often you give in to tempting distractions like Facebook while working on the computer. It’s pretty easy to use, too:

1. Categorize the websites you frequent by degree of productivity (scale from -3, least productive to +3, most productive)
2. Use RescueTime Pro to set a browsing time limit for non-work sites
3. RescueTime Pro will block those sites and remind you to focus when time is up

For most, the best time management strategy is perhaps a combination of the three. Take the elements that suit your lifestyle and modify them to your liking. But whichever one you decide on, remember the celebrated Nike slogan: “Just Do It.”

Photo courtesy AndyRobertsPhotos

Parent deployments, frequent moves, a new school every few years, a constant rotation of friends, and, most of all, the threat of a parent being killed in combat — these are the situations the military child has to encounter and most non-military children don’t ever have to worry about. These facts of military life make them more prone to stress and anxiety, but military children are also found to be quite resilient in the face of those demanding pressures.

Parent deployments, frequent moves, a new school every few years, a constant rotation of friends, and, most of all, the threat of a parent being killed in combat — these are the situations the military child has to encounter.

Studies Show a Mixture of Stress and Resilience

A variety of studies have been conducted in recent years documenting the amount of stress and anxiety levels that military children have.

A recent study found that military children, aged 11 to 17, “had more emotional difficulties compared with national samples.” Older youth and girls of all ages reported that they had greater school-, family-, and peer-related difficulties when a parent was deployed. Military children can also experience higher levels of anxiety, depression and withdrawal.

The child may have difficulty staying emotionally connected with the military parent because of frequent deployment and trips away, according to Lemmon. This could contribute to excessive worry, sadness, and feelings of isolation.

Events specific to the military life have an influence on military children in a way that they exhibit a greater amount of stress compared to their non-military peers. But, when Lemmon mentions that military children are resilient, what does he mean?

The Military Family Research Institute (MFRI) at Purdue University has asked the same question regarding resilience. It has two components: (1) exposure to adverse or traumatic circumstances, and (2) successful adaptation following exposure.

Resilience requires that negative conditions — the stressors of the military family life — be present in order for a military child to exhibit resilience. Successful adaptation after an adverse experience will depend on genetic factors, such as intelligence and temperament, and environmental conditions, such as support from parents and community.

Another study, conducted by Army War College researcher Leonard Wong, found that adolescents who believe that America supports the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and that American soldiers are making a positive difference in the world are likely to have less stress and anxiety when a parent deploys. The research also found that Army families with strong support and increased activity — sports, patriotic activities, etc. — reduced the levels of stress.

Growing Resources for Parents

Fortunately, excessive states of worry and sadness are rare in military children, Lemmon said. “Experienced military parents usually develop good systems of maintaining important connections with their children while they’re away doing important and necessary work for the nation. And luckily these days, there are a lot of great tools that allow military parents who are geographically separated to stay in touch, such as email, video calling and frequent texting.”

In addition the the communication tools that deployed parents have to stay in touch with their children, there are a growing number of resources for military families on the internet. One such source is StayingStrong.org. It is an initiative of the Red Sox Foundation and the Massachusetts General Hospital Base Program. Its purpose is to be an online source for parental guidance for miltary connected families.

Joining Forces is another initiative, which is supported by the White House. Their website provides information for education support of military children to job oppurtunities for military spouses.

Make sure you’re doing everything you can to stay healthy and help your body fight off infections and bacteria. Simple changes to your lifestyle, diet and stress level as well as knowing which immune supplements to avoid will help you make it through the season with fewer trips to see the doctor.

Regularly washing your hands will reduce the number of bacteria and viruses your immune system has to fight.

Lifestyle

Some of the most effective ways to boost your immune system are the most basic. We’ve heard it since we were little kids, but first and foremost remember to wash your hands often, especially before meals. Also remember that your immune system isn’t separate from your body, everything works together so maintaining a healthy lifestyle will naturally boost your immune defenses.

Staying on a regular sleep cycle and integrating as much exercise as possible into your routine are great ways to keep your body healthy and happy so it can fight off even the worst cold this winter.

Making sure you don’t forget to eat your fruits and vegetables gives your body the building blocks it needs to fight an infection.

Diet and Supplements

Maintaining a healthy diet can be difficult around this time of the year when fruits and vegetables aren’t as easy to find and holiday parties are full of unhealthy food in big quantities. Staying properly nourished provides your body with all of the building blocks necessary to stay healthy.

If you’re worried you aren’t getting all of the proper vitamins and nutrients, look into a simple daily multivitamin. The Harvard Medical Journal’s review on immunity suggests daily multivitamins are far better at maintaining a healthy immune system and cautions against products with mega doses of only a few. These products overload your body with more than it can handle at once and then leave you worse off after.

Finding a healthy outlet for your stress is key in maintaining a healthy immune system.

Stress

With no surprise, stress is one of the biggest factors negatively affecting immune strength. Although studying the direct relationship between emotional stress and immunity is difficult, studies have noted that the immune system of stressed patients respond slower to invading viruses.

Avoiding stress completely around the holiday season is especially difficult, but taking moments to relax and destress are incredibly important. Activities like yoga and meditation are excellent ways to relax and check out some of our other articles about avoiding stress. It’ll be a lot easier to take 15 minutes out of your day to remove your stress than it will be to spend a week in bed with the flu.

Images courtesy bottled_void, jturn and PeapodLabs

Often someone with PTSD just wants someone who will listen to them.

Do you know a military veteran who suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? Is it a spouse, relative, or friend? What you say can help or harm them.

Here is a list of things you should never say to someone with PTSD:

Give it time. It’ll go away.

Giving it time will not make it simply go away. The symptoms of PTSD are more than simple emotions of anger or fear. Only treatment will the symptoms diminish over time.

It can’t really be that bad.

It’s pretty bad for the person experiencing it. We’re unable to place ourselves in their position to make a true judgment of PTSD’s severity.

It’s all in your head.

This insinuates that the sufferer of PTSD has control over their symptoms. Unfortunately, they do not.

You must have done something really bad over there.

This is the equivalent of asking a soldier if he had ever killed anyone in combat.  Nothing good comes from this type of comment.

This proves we shouldn’t be in Iraq, Afghanistan, etc.

Regardless of how you feel about our military presence overseas, talking to a veteran with PTSD is not the time to push a political agenda.

Here’s my advice…

In addition to not saying the wrong things, it’s important to know how to listen. If someone with PTSD opens up to you they are not looking for advice. They are trying to make sense of what they are feeling. Also, know your limits. Sometimes what someone wants to share with us is beyond our abilities to handle them.

If you or someone you know might be suffering from PTSD, you can find help through the National Center for PTSD.

Photo: U.S. Army

Rejoice in the fact that your service member is home.

Homecoming is a hard thing to prep for as a military spouse. It’s hard to keep your mind from wandering. The imagination runs wild, and after being on your own so long, it feel nice to hope and fantasize about how all of your worries and your loneliness will melt away and magically your family will move forward without missing a beat.

Unfortunately, that’s seldom the case.

It’s key to remember that a successful reintegration and homecoming is one that has few expectations, because disappointment can really sour everything. One area that expectations are hard to manage is in the bedroom.

Sexual intimacy is an important part of a marriage. It is a wonderful way to reunite with your spouse and express love and affection.

But homecoming reunions are not always “sexy”. Homecoming is an unforgettably wonderful, amazing and memorable time. But homecoming is also just as confusing, frustrating, stressful and complicated as it is joyous. For most people, there are just as many knots in your stomach as there are butterflies.

Both of You Have Changed

Time has passed, and no matter how many letters you have written or Skype dates you have had with your spouse, your spouse has changed and you have changed as well. This is completely normal, but it takes some adjustment. Both of you are nervous and clumsy and giggly or crying and you have to realize that it’s fine for the reunion to not be the slow-motion run and long, romantic kiss like you see in the movies. Give it time.

It’s important to get some shut-eye — both you and your soldier.

Get Some Shut-Eye

Forget the spouse who tells you all about their 12-hour “locked door” session the night her husband came home, a vast majority of service members come home dead tired. They have likely traveled for multiple days with no shower and little sleep. Get some sleep. It’s good for both of you after the anxiety leading up to homecoming, and you will enjoy yourself more when it is time for intimacy if you both have gotten some rest.

Awkward Encounters

It is very common for couples to need to readjust to being sexually intimate after such a long time apart. If you have to, go slow and realize that it may not always be your most memorable experience the first couple of times. Remember, your spouse is home now, so you don’t have to rush.

Stress on Your Sex Life

Let’s face it — reintegration is stressful for every service member. Stress hurts our bodies and can cause a number of different symptoms such as tense muscles, irritability, loss of concentration, cramping, headaches, upset stomach and, of course, loss of libido.

Post-Traumatic Stress can make sex and intimacy even more difficult. Service members and veterans with PTS may have sudden and unpredictable flashbacks and in some cases heightened sexual arousal can trigger flashbacks, especially during the initial adjustment period.

Tips

Intimacy is very important, but you can be intimate with your partner without having sex.

• Talk about sex with your spouse. It may be hard to start talking about it but having an honest discussion is sometimes all it takes to get back in the saddle.
• Sleep and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, lack of sleep and even changes in diet or physical activity can all get your libido off-kilter.
• Don’t put too much pressure on the sex. Many people put so much hype into having sex that the thought of it makes them stressed out.
• Get intimate in a non-sexual way. Feeling emotionally intimate can make sex feel less awkward. Get used to touching each other again without the pressure of sex: holding hands, hugging and cuddling are all good places to start!
• If you continue to have problems talk to a counselor or your health care provider. Sexual dysfunction is extremely common and usually temporary.
• Don’t give up. Sex is not only good for your relationship — it’s actually healthy! Sex is a natural mood elevator and it decreases stress.

Marriage is less about loving someone for your whole life and more about continuing to learn about your spouse and fall in love with them all over again. We all change over time and the only thing we can do is continue to make the effort to reconnect and renew our bonds to our spouse.

Just remember that for all the visions that we imagine of homecoming, the real magic of homecoming is that you are reunited with your loved one!

photo courtesy of The U.S. Army, surecat, Brent Gambrell

Military spouses can find comfort and stress relief in prayer.

Whether you are a Christian, Buddhist or a Pagan — or even if you are not sure if you follow any religious faith — you can still pray. Prayer is a way to release thoughts, hopes and wishes out into the universe. Prayer is a great way to let things go, ask for help and let your wishes and stresses out.

Many military families will tell you that prayer is an essential tool for mental and emotional health. When you get to the point where you have done everything you can do and you are still left with worry or doubt, prayer can be a huge relief. It’s also a great way to speak your mind and work through thoughts and feelings you are not ready to discuss with anyone else yet.

Prayers can be silent or spoken out loud but praying can help you to identify and acknowledge stress in your life and it can help relieve you of your burdens by helping you to let go of things you cannot control. There are also several mental and emotional benefits to praying.

Faith can take many forms.

Inner Peace

Praying brings a sense of peace and well-being. It can bring a great sense of relief to place your problems and stress in the hands of a higher power instead of feeling like you are on your own.

Stress Relief

There is no denying that life has got more and more stressful in general in this fast paced world we live in. Stress and worry can take a heavy toll on military spouses,  not to mention the extra burdens of military life.  Prayer and meditation are frequently suggested and highly effective ways to relieve stress.

Prayer can give strength and ease worry.

Positive Outlook

When everything seems hopeless, prayer can help in bringing a positive outlook back into your life. Praying helps us prepare for a better tomorrow, and that hope helps us move forward through adversity. Even through tragedy, prayer can help you look forward with a more positive outlook.

Finding Purpose

Prayer helps us get a sense of direction in our lives and helps us feel that there is more to our actions than just what we can control. Reflecting and working through our inner conflicts will help us decide the paths we should take. If you are a religious person prayer can help you feel connected and help you understand how to live in accordance with your religion.

Strengthen

When one believes that it is possible to relay ones problems to a higher entity, it helps you to face your daily problems and obstacles with what could otherwise be overwhelming and daunting. Praying prevents you from panicking when your situation seems overwhelming.

Do not stress about praying in the “right” way. Pray in a way that feels comforting and right for you.

Photos courtesy Nanny Snowflake, cesargp, Minnesota National Guard

Insomnia is an all to common problem for military spouses during deployment.

Because the sleeplessness experienced by military spouses during deployment can be caused by a number of different things, there are several ways to combat it depending on why you think you’re losing sleep. Check out these tips to help you get a good night’s sleep during deployment and wake up ready to tackle even the busiest day.

1. Adopt a Pet

Safety can become a big concern for military spouses staying on their own or with children during deployment. Rather than tossing and turning all night wondering if you’ve double-checked all of the locks, consider adopting a dog. Not only will the fun companionship be great to take the family’s mind off deployment, but an alert pet can help you rest easier at night. If a pet isn’t an option due to allergies or living restrictions but you’re still worried about safety, look into security systems. There is a wide range of security products to fit any budget that will help you feel safer.

Limiting your caffeinated beverages to only a couple in the morning can help you feel relaxed and ready for bed at night.

2. Reduce Caffeine

Sometimes not being able to get enough sleep can turn into a vicious cycle. The caffeine you drink to wake up after a bad night can be the same caffeine keeping you buzzed at night. Cutting off caffeine cold turkey can be difficult and cause headaches, so try simply drinking one or two less caffeinated drinks a day and make sure to have them before the afternoon and never in the evening.

3. Melatonin

Your body’s sleep schedule is in constant regulation by two main hormones. Serotonin helps you feel positive and energized while melatonin regulates a healthy sleep cycle. If you feel your circadian rhythm is out of whack, check out melatonin supplements that can help get back into a set sleep schedule. Melatonin is available at a variety of drug and supplement stores and shouldn’t cost much more than a normal bottle of multivitamins.

4. The Guest Bed

Sometimes it seems the hardest part of getting a good night’s sleep during deployment is learning to sleep in your bed alone. The bedroom is a very intimate space for a couple and going for months alone can cause serious insomnia. While many spouses may find themselves sleeping on the couch more often than they’d like, consider moving to the guest bedroom or somewhere a little more comfortable to get sleep where you won’t be surrounded by things reminding you of your loved one’s absence.

 5. Relaxation

Taking a minute to clear your mind each day can ease the worries keeping you up at night.

One of the biggest things holding military spouses and most of the country back from having a good night’s rest is stress. Running through all of the things you’ve got to get through the next day can keep you up for hours. Right before you’re ready for bed, try sitting down somewhere you won’t be disturbed and clearing your mind of those worries. Stopping your racing mind can be difficult, but setting an attainable schedule for the next day can calm your nerves and give you a solid plan of how to get things accomplished the next day too.

Identifying if your sleeplessness is caused by safety concerns, too much caffeine, avoiding your bed or just plain stress can point you in the right direction as to how to solve it and get back into the habit of getting good rest.

Images courtesy of Sh4rp_i, eflon & return the sun. 

These numbers can seem dramatic and troubling, and while they are obviously a signal that something is wrong, it is good to know that organizations and groups are also taking notice and measures are being taken to help military enter into healthy relationships and keep military marriages strong through rough times.

Military marriage divorce rates are still on the rise as we move into 2012.

From 2010 to 2011 the increase in divorce rates for the military was only 0.1 percent, but certain groups within the military still saw a more drastic increase. For example there was a 0.4 increase for females in the navy while females in the Marine Corps saw a 0.4 percent decrease.

Even though the increase from 2010 to 2011 was minimal in comparison to past years, it is clear that divorce rates are still climbing among military personnel. One of the Army’s more well-known intervention programs, Strong Bonds, saw this trend and donated over $100 million to marriage support. That money directly funded more than 4,000 support events at bases in the US and overseas.

Use the resources offered by the military to keep your marriage strong

Nearly one in 10 marriages ended for military women in 2011, revealing that women in the military are more than twice as likely to experience divorce with their spouse, according to the Department of Defense. So far no one has conducted research to figure out why these numbers are so high.

The most common reason pointed out is stress. The stress soldiers experience while they’re serving their country and the stress military spouses endure while their loved ones are away. Dealing with this stress is different for every individual, that’s why it is important to be open with asking for help if you’re experiencing stress within your military marriage.

A number of organizations and websites believe in devoting time to helping military couples through these hard times. Here at Veterans United we’ve created guides and articles with this strengthening of military marriages in mind. Here are a few to look through and some ideas for keeping this Valentine’s Day special:

• Defend Yourself Against Deployment Depression 
• Vent Anger Without Secondhand Stress
• Say AHHH! A Check-Up for Your Marriage 
• 4 Ways to Keep Them Close While They’re Away 
• 8 Homemade Valentine’s Day Gifts for a Care Package 

Photo Courtesy of familymwr

Even though the deployment itself can be stressful, the worst part can be the weeks leading up to a spouse’s homecoming. Even though you may have kept in fairly steady contact, it is very normal to be concerned about changes that have occurred and reintegration to civilian life.

Often stress and anticipation build as the days count down. Try these 7 stress relievers to help calm worries and anxieties before homecoming.

Homecoming is such a highly anticipated event that it can cause stress and anxiety.

Busy Work

If you find yourself constantly thinking and worrying about a homecoming, busy yourself with things to do around the house that you usually put off.

Actually dust the top shelf, shake the rugs or reorganize the junk drawer. These semi-mindless tasks can help take your mind off of your worries as well as give you confidence that your home will be in tip top shape for their return. Its great to take your mind off of things and take an active role in preparing for your spouse’s return.

Do avoid getting caught up in to the point that you are worrying about making the house “spotless” and “just right” for your returning spouse.

Music

Because of our daily exposure to music in the car, on our iPods and even on television, people often forget that music has some great healing qualities to help get us out of a funk.

If you’re really stressed try listening to classical or smooth jazz and if you really need to blow off some steam blast your favorite song in the car and sing along. Losing yourself in the music can be a cathartic and relaxing experience.

Exercise

If you’re feeling really stressed out about homecoming, consider going for a run or getting into a daily exercise routine.

Not only will the endorphins released during exercise help you feel better, the improvements in how you look and feel can give you an extra boost of confidence when you feel run down.

Meditation

At first you may envision a Buddhist monk when you think of meditation, but in reality meditation and mindfulness is something that anyone can do and benefit from.

Meditation can be as simple as taking 10 minutes out of your day to sit and focus your mind on one thing. If you calm yourself and just think about your slow, steady breathing, you’ll be surprised how much more relaxed you’ll feel.

Confide In A Friend

Sometimes the hardest part of stressing about a homecoming is the constant stream of worry going through your head. Rather than run over the same thoughts a hundred times, meet or call a friend and ask if you can bounce some ideas off of them to see if you’re making any sense.

Friends can reassure you that you’re just overthinking everything and help you calm down by simply talking through it.

Family Activities

Family activities are a great way to clear your mind.Work with children, extended family members and even friends to make a welcome home sign or just set up a fun craft or baking activity to do together.

Spending time with your family and friends can help remind you that everything will be okay and, more importantly, that you aren’t alone in the nervous excitement about homecoming.

Picking an outfit for homecoming is all about making sure you feel attractive, comfortable and confident!

Switch Up Your Style

Most military spouses will tell you that before their service member returned, they stopped at the mall to pick up a new dress or stopped at the hairdresser to get a new do.

Although this may seem cliché or superficial, chances are you’ve been spreading yourself thin for months beforehand and taking a moment to focus on yourself and feel confident is long overdue and helpful.

If you’re stressing out about an upcoming homecoming, the most important thing you can do is understand that the worry is normal and chances are, your spouse is just as nervous about seeing you again. Focus on the excitement and happiness surrounding a homecoming and enjoy the family reunion.

Photos thanks to Official US Navy Imagery and s-a-m via Flickr Creative Commons

Even though there are numerous benefits to having a stay at home parent, many people struggle to find a solid identity without the guidance and rewards of a career. As Marine Wife Unplugged wrote about it, it can be especially difficult as a military spouse because you are often separated from your family and support network and can easily feel overwhelmed and isolated.

If you are a stay-at-home parent, check out these ideas to help you build a strong identity.

If you are a stay-at-home parent, check out these ideas to help you build a strong identity.

Volunteering

Many stay at home parents say that they feel as if they aren’t challenged and don’t get the rewards that many receive from projects at work. Although being a parent can be very rewarding, it’s easy to feel like your hard work goes unnoticed.

Volunteering can provide an excellent outlet to fill your down time as well as give you the sense that you’re helping out your community. For an added impact, try volunteering for charities or organizations that help military causes like The Veterans United Foundation, Operation Homefront and The Red Cross.

Clubs

It may not sound like much but joining a club can help you meet people with similar interests as well as foster some of your favorite activities. Join a neighborhood book club, city council or even the school board.

Not only can getting involved in your community help you find your identity, leadership and organization building are great skills to include on a resume if you plan on returning to the work force.

Online Classes

Those with a passion for learning and a goal to receive a degree should consider taking online or evening classes. Online and evening classes are incredibly flexible and you can spread your class load over several years to work toward a degree that can help you find a job later down the road.

Hobbies

Although raising children and taking care of the house is a very necessary job, it isn’t always the most rewarding or creatively stimulating. Giving yourself a creative outlet will help you feel passionate and stimulated.

If a craft or some type of art is peaking your interest, consider turning your hobby into a form of income.  With a little careful planning and drive you can make some great extra money selling on sites like Etsy.com and eBay not to mention customers around your area.

Change Your Mindset

One of the biggest mistakes a stay at home parent can make is thinking what they do isn’t as important as a job with income. Think of how lost your family would be without everything you do to make things run smoothly. Consider how much services like childcare, housekeeping or bookkeeping cost. Calculating the monetary value of the work you do in the home can help bring your self-worth into proper perspective.

Overall, the role of a stay at home parent is incredibly important and should not be taken lightly, but these supplementary activities can help fill the gaps in building a strong identity.

Photo courtesy Emery Co Photo