If you will be faced with a decision between moving home or staying put in the near future, check out this pro’s and con’s list.

Home Sweet Home, it is all about figuring out what is best for you.

Pro

Saving money: The most common pro of moving home during a deployment is saving money. Especially if you are raising a family, moving home can take away expenses like rent and utilities that would normally consume a large chunk of your budget. If you are struggling to make ends meet, moving home can give you a break while you form a more solid financial plan.

Con

You might not actually save money: Before you decide to move home to save money, make sure you won’t be wasting a lot in the process. Between contracted utilities, breaking leases and the general costs of moving itself, you don’t want to be spending more money moving home than you will save. Another place people get stuck when moving home is storage. Chances are you have furniture that you can’t or won’t want to sell before moving and you’ll have to pay to store those items while you’re away.

Pro

Support system: If you moved away due to a PCS or for the military in general, an emotional benefit of moving home may be spending time with your friends and family. The military lifestyle comes with a lot of moves and it can serve as a great mental break to spend 9 months in your hometown. It can be very nice to have the support of family and friends, many spouses especially like to live at home if they have children or during the first deployment.

Con

Missing the military community: On the opposite side of getting to spend time with your family, a con will be missing out on the true military experience. If you decide to move home to the familiar during a deployment you may miss out meeting some great people who have a lot in common with you as well as really getting to integrate yourself into the great and supportive military community.

Pro

Save for something specific: More specifically than just saving money on rent and utilities is being able to save your BAH in the hopes of making a large purchase in the future. Whether you’re looking to buy a car or use your VA benefits and purchase a home, you’ll be able to save up money and make more financially responsible decisions.

Con

School transitions for children: A military family considering moving back home should consider the task of taking your kids out of school. Although some may have children who aren’t old enough to be in school yet, transferring schools in the middle of the year or even during the summer knowing that you’ll return to base after deployment can make for a hard transition.

Pro

Help with children and childcare: Young military families especially may choose to move home in hopes that their family can help them raise children. New parents may feel overwhelmed taking care of a child alone, and parents and other family members can help guide you through the waters of new parenthood. Pregnancy is another main reason military spouses decide to move home during deployment.

Con

Losing your independence: Depending on how long it has been since you lived at home, you may want to consider the difficulties associated with feeling like you’ve lost your independence. If you’ve been living on your own, with a significant other or a spouse for a number of years it may come as a culture shock to experience life with your parents again.

Pro

Opportunity to pursue your education: If you’re hoping to earn a college degree over the next few years, moving home may present a perfect opportunity. The money saved from not paying for rent combined with the free time you may gain from having family help you raise children or help you out combine in a good environment to study.

Unfortunately there will be certain difficulties associated with deployment no matter where you decide to live. Create a pro’s and con’s list for your personal situation and create a practical plan of action that works best for you emotionally and financially.

Have you moved home during deployment in the past? Have you chosen to stay on base? Why?

Let us know in the comments!

 Photo thanks to jcbonbon via Flicker Creative Commons

Even though there are numerous benefits to having a stay at home parent, many people struggle to find a solid identity without the guidance and rewards of a career. As Marine Wife Unplugged wrote about it, it can be especially difficult as a military spouse because you are often separated from your family and support network and can easily feel overwhelmed and isolated.

If you are a stay-at-home parent, check out these ideas to help you build a strong identity.

If you are a stay-at-home parent, check out these ideas to help you build a strong identity.

Volunteering

Many stay at home parents say that they feel as if they aren’t challenged and don’t get the rewards that many receive from projects at work. Although being a parent can be very rewarding, it’s easy to feel like your hard work goes unnoticed.

Volunteering can provide an excellent outlet to fill your down time as well as give you the sense that you’re helping out your community. For an added impact, try volunteering for charities or organizations that help military causes like The Veterans United Foundation, Operation Homefront and The Red Cross.

Clubs

It may not sound like much but joining a club can help you meet people with similar interests as well as foster some of your favorite activities. Join a neighborhood book club, city council or even the school board.

Not only can getting involved in your community help you find your identity, leadership and organization building are great skills to include on a resume if you plan on returning to the work force.

Online Classes

Those with a passion for learning and a goal to receive a degree should consider taking online or evening classes. Online and evening classes are incredibly flexible and you can spread your class load over several years to work toward a degree that can help you find a job later down the road.

Hobbies

Although raising children and taking care of the house is a very necessary job, it isn’t always the most rewarding or creatively stimulating. Giving yourself a creative outlet will help you feel passionate and stimulated.

If a craft or some type of art is peaking your interest, consider turning your hobby into a form of income.  With a little careful planning and drive you can make some great extra money selling on sites like Etsy.com and eBay not to mention customers around your area.

Change Your Mindset

One of the biggest mistakes a stay at home parent can make is thinking what they do isn’t as important as a job with income. Think of how lost your family would be without everything you do to make things run smoothly. Consider how much services like childcare, housekeeping or bookkeeping cost. Calculating the monetary value of the work you do in the home can help bring your self-worth into proper perspective.

Overall, the role of a stay at home parent is incredibly important and should not be taken lightly, but these supplementary activities can help fill the gaps in building a strong identity.

Photo courtesy Emery Co Photo

Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop people from claiming they understand as they try to counsel you. When Military Spouse Central, hosted by Veterans United, inquired on facebook about the most hurtful things military spouses have heard, an overwhelming number of responses mentioned things said about deployments.

You knew what you were signing up for. Get over it. My husband goes away on business trips all of the time. You must think about him dying all of the time.

Sound familiar? These comments can be hurtful and frustrating, but there are ways to maintain your mood as you approach the challenges of distance.

Keep Competition Out of the Emotion

There is no question that there are differences between your neighbor’s spouse leaving town for a week and your spouse going on a year-long tour of duty. There is also no denying your neighbor’s entitlement to miss their spouse. Sometimes conflict will arise when spouses try to define that entitlement by declaring their situation as better or worse.

On the Journey of a Navy Wife blog, spouses had a great discussion surrounding the “one-up” mentality of missing someone. One commenter who posted under the name Sailor Bride said: “I hate the one upper. Significant others are ALWAYS trying to one up each other–because they miss them more, they’re gone longer, their job is more dangerous, or they have children, so they’re entitled to miss them more.”

Each situation has its own challenges, but rather than argue about the severity of each situation, try to meet each other on the level of caring for someone to the extent of missing them.

Enable Yourself to Miss

Missing someone does not make you weak and was definitely not a right you signed away when you supported your spouse’s decision to enlist.

“I hate when you talk about missing your husband and people say, ‘Well, you knew he was going to get deployed.’ Yeah, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. It’s very insensitive,” said Sara Holycross, a reader from Military Family Central.

To miss someone is to realize you’re without access to a significant support of your wants and needs. It’s a natural response, so rather than let people make you feel weak or bad for telling them you miss a person, embrace the reality that you have a very special bond with your spouse in which many won’t experience in the same way.

Telling Spouses They’re Missed 

If you’re without access to chat, email, Skype or other communication tools, and you just need a way to cope with missing your significant other, try finding a fun way to tell them you miss them. Consider:

• Write a letter for every day or send a creative care package
• Deck out a calendar or create another system for the both of you to count the days until you reunite (tentative of course).
• Buy or create little “souvenirs” throughout the day to show that they were a part of it all
• Create fun photos/stories through Photoshop or compiling your images
• Seek refuge in an article of their clothing, blanket or favorite location and send a picture with happy memories you recall

About one in five military members returning from Iraq and Afghanistan report PTSD symptoms, but only half typically seek treatment, according to a 2008 study by the Rand Corporation.

Spouses can face an array of challenges when a loved one begins to exhibit symptoms of the disorder. But there are paths to treatment and help for spouses and service members alike.

Recognizing PTSD

Traumatic, shocking or disturbing events can cause PTSD. Witnessing deaths of fellow service members or surviving a life-threatening event may cause PTSD, too. Mainly, PTSD anxiety is rooted in reliving the traumatic event.

Several symptoms may come and go, but the disorder will remain. Common symptoms can include:

• Nightmares or sleeplessness
• Extreme apathy
• Hypersensitivity, especially to loud noises, commotion or crowds
• Anxiety, irritability
• Inability to concentrate
• Detachment from people
• Intense flashbacks

Talking to Your Spouse about PTSD

If these symptoms sound familiar and occur frequently your spouse may have PTSD, which requires professional help. Take a sensitive, affectionate approach that shows you care. Something like, “It seems something is bothering you. Let’s talk to the VA and our primary physician” can be effective.

If you’re a wife talking to your husband, your words could either trigger a macho response or guide him in the right direction. Men with PTSD have tendencies to get embarrassed, tight-lipped or aggressive. Tell your husband that together you should seek help for the sake of your marriage and family.

Getting Help

Therapeutic treatments, which may be covered by the VA, are designed to help PTSD veterans talk through their symptoms. Whether a veteran chooses group, family, exposure or cognitive therapy is up to him or her. Guidelines for talking to doctors about PTSD may help, too.

Regardless of the treatment your veteran spouse chooses, be supportive.

At the same time, feel comfortable introducing your spouse to additional treatment options. An abundance of veteran organizations make it their mission to get veterans helping other veterans. Veterans of Foreign Wars, Wounded Warrior Project and Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America are great resources to suggest to your spouse for developing connections with other veterans.

What may be seen as “alternative treatments” in treating PTSD have gained traction in recent years. Yoga and acupuncture introduce meditative or therapeutic relief, especially when combined with other therapies. With the finding that antipsychotic and antidepressant medications aren’t as effective as desired, some veterans pursue these alternative treatments in conjunction with therapy or medication.

Encouraging your spouse to maintain a healthy lifestyle is important to overcoming PTSD symptoms. If the timing for encouragement doesn’t seem right, at least ensure that your spouse does not pick up unhealthy habits. Eating right, exercising and staying employed are keys to good health and will possibly minimize PTSD symptoms.

With as much as 20 percent of veterans coming home with PTSD, spouses want to be prepared to help their veteran spouse deal with PTSD. The National Center for PTSD is loaded with resources.

Figuring out how to help your veteran spouse cope with PTSD may take time. Don’t try to rush your husband or wife to therapy. Remind them you’re there to help and show them affection when they’re ready. Together, the two of you can alleviate PTSD’s effects, and keep your relationship healthy.

Photo thanks to BBCworldservice via Flickr Creative Commons

Helping your military spouse through his/her PTSD symptoms can be a difficult road. But, what if your spouse is fighting a different battle? Breast Cancer. According to a 2009 study, military women are 20 to 40 percent more likely to be diagnosed with breast cancer than other women in the same age groups.  Here’s how breast cancer and the military collide.

In some circumstances, deployment can cause service members to miss out on important events: anniversaries, birthdays and even the birth of a baby. Unfortunately, there isn’t a way to predict when a military member will be deployed.

Pregnant military spouses are forced to accept that their husbands will be away during the pregnancy, and perhaps, even during childbirth. During this time, it is important to develop a strategy and a plan for coping.

Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help

Just because you are without your husband doesn’t mean you should go through the pregnancy completely alone.
While your husband’s presence is irreplaceable, turning to a family member or close friend for support is a good idea.
According to Army OneSource, “Having a good friend to be a labor coach during the absence of a spouse provides a great comfort.”
Family members and close friends provide a support system that cares about you. Often, they can help soothe your anxiety and fears while your husband is away.

Take Advantage of Available Resources

Most military installations have a New Parent Support Program (NPSP). The program may offer home visits by NPSP staff, supervised playgroups, parenting classes and other parenting materials.
Remember, being a military spouse has its perks. Each branch of the military has its own resources for expecting parents.
Also, don’t forget to enroll in Tricare, the military health care program, to avoid expensive charges for your obstetric care.

Try to Keep Your Husband Involved

Good communication is the key to surviving a pregnancy apart from your husband. He will want to know about everything that’s going on with you and the baby.
Whether you’re using the postal service or communicating online with tools such as email or Skype, finding ways to share the pregnancy together is important. He will appreciate pictures, letters and anything else you’re willing to share.

Have A Back Up Plan

As a military spouse you quickly learn that anything can change at any time with little or no notice. Plan for the unexpected to happen well in advance. Have a backup plan and a backup backup plan. If you expect that your husband will be home for the birth, prepare yourself emotionally and logistically for the event that something may go differently than planned. The only thing more unpredictable than the military is pregnancy. Try to have a plan so that you can “go with the flow” if plans and procedures change.

Photo thanks to genue.luben via Flickr Creative Commons

Here are some good places to consider when looking for companionship:

Organized Interest Groups

• Your public library more than likely offers organized book clubs. Not only can you entertain your brain, but you can also have regularly scheduled social interaction.
• Churches commonly offer Bible studies, women and men’s groups, youth groups and multiple volunteer opportunities in and outside the church. You can explore the choir and band or do outreach while meeting others with similar interests.
• Check out your local craft store, YMCA or other local community building for postings on hobby groups or classes. Even if you don’t have a specific hobby you love, you can learn a new craft and meet friends by joining a group.

Playgroups

• If you have children, you can find other parents through websites like Mommy and Me and Daddy and Me. There are age-specific groups such as Mothers of Preschoolers to draw even more similarities to others parents. Do a search for your area and start networking. Perhaps you can even work out a babysitting deal for those special date nights with your spouse!

Gym or Sports League

• The gym can be more of a social place than most think. There are often exercise classes you can attend, or you can strike up a conversation while stretching or lifting weights. Put yourself out there—chances are, you’ll see the same people as you continue your membership.
• Join a bowling league or some other sports league offered in your community. The competitive camaraderie can be a great bonding experience.

Volunteer

• MilServe and Serve.gov are two sources for volunteer opportunities in and outside of the military. Participate in a great cause while meeting great people.

Classes

• The military offers financial benefits when it comes to getting a higher education. You can earn your degree and use your classes to meet new friends. Extend those social interactions by joining study groups or discussions outside the classroom.
• The military also offers classes and groups around military base actions, such as deployment. Participate in all that’s offered and use your Family Readiness Groups and briefings to meet people in similar situations.

Part-time Job

• Jobs are a way to bond with coworkers, but choosing a social environment such as a coffee shop is a way to create even more social opportunities.

Your Neighborhood

• Just by walking your dog or going to a park gets you out in the community. Greet your neighbors and introduce yourself to everyone you meet. Chances are they’re in or were in the same position as you.

Photo thanks to cristiano_betta via Flickr Creative Commons

The stress can make it a struggle to get out of bed some days. You’re not alone. Spouses everywhere are fighting deployment depression by finding ways to cope with the situation.

Here are some successful coping methods used by those who’ve been through it:

Don’t let a deployment control your happiness.

Schedule Some Activity

A weekly activity can give you something constant to look forward to as well as keep you moving and active. Some deployment depression can lead to and be elevated by weight gain, so joining a regular class at a gym or having a walk with a workout buddy can act as a double defense.

Reach Out to Support Groups

There are plenty of groups dedicated to deployment, depression and the military life in general. A blog on Military Money lists some great mental health resources for spouses to turn to including online sources. If you can’t get to a support group in your neighborhood the online message boards are a great way to connect with people going through the same thing.

Stay Social

Be sure to remain connected with friends or meet new ones by picking up a hobby or joining a club. They may not know exactly what you’re feeling, but a weekly coffee or lunch date is a way to get out of your own head and have some fun. Some spouses experience guilt when it comes to having fun, but consider it a way to take care of yourself and be in tip top shape for your spouse’s return.

Journal

Make sure you are meeting your needs to stay healthy in body and mind.

Missing your spouse gets harder when you realize you can’t always share the day-to-day life with them. Journaling is a way to release those urges and record details for when you do get the chance to speak. You can write out your feelings, your memories, fears or whatever else you need to soothe your mind.

Keep Busy

The mind can be your biggest enemy when it comes to fighting depression, so focusing on someone or something else can be a great ally. Volunteer somewhere or create a project for yourself, like redecorating the house. It could also be a great opportunity to take on some higher education. Check out our post on taking on new hobbies.

Take Care of Your Health

Eating right, aiming for eight hours of sleep, exposing yourself to sunlight and being sure to relax can help keep your health and mood intact. Taking little steps like eating a nutritional meal or taking a yoga class can go a long way toward helping you fend off depression.

Photo thanks to The National Guard via Flickr Creative Commons and Minimoko via Visual.ly Creative License