It may be a natural reaction to run up to your spouse and give them a kiss, especially if you’re unable to see them on a regular basis. Unfortunately, if they’re in uniform they could face penalties. In fact, there are quite a few etiquette rules when a service member is in uniform that spouses may be interested to know.
Every military branch and installation is different, so some rules may be altered or vary in the level of enforcement, but here are 11 common regulations:
PDA
Because members are required to maintain professionalism in uniform, PDA is typically frowned upon except in certain situations. For instance, moderate kissing and hugging is acceptable when there’s a homecoming or deployment. Even if it wasn’t allowed during homecoming, I know no one would be able to enforce it!
Hands
Regarding your spouse’s hands, there are a few things you should know:
Pockets: Despite the multiple pockets your spouses uniform, service members are not allowed to keep their hands in their pockets. You might not cause them to break the rule, but you can help by keeping an eye out to remind them.
Handholding: Military personnel are not allowed to hold hands while in uniform. Males may escort women, or help the elderly but affectionate handholding is a no-no. Some spouses have mentioned locking elbows with your spouse is an acceptable practice, so check with your specific command to determine your installation’s rules.
Right Hand: Your spouse is required to keep his or her right hand empty in order to salute at any time. That means your spouse may need some assistance when carrying heavy loads.
Walking
Walking is not a complicated task, but service members in uniform have to pay special attention to a few rules.
Eating/Drinking: Service members are not supposed to eat or drink anything while they are walking. While driving, it may be acceptable depending on where you’re stationed.
Cell Phone: One wife posted to a discussion on MilSpouse about her surprise when her husband said he couldn’t call her on the phone because he couldn’t stand still. Then she learned he was simply following a “no walk and talk” cell phone rule.
Left Side: When you are walking somewhere with your spouse, be sure to walk on their left side. Otherwise you may get in the way when they need to salute.
Other Tidbits
Some rules are not always clear or enforced, while others are more of community-enforced guidelines. Here are some to consider:
Smoking: There is a lot of variation when it comes to the regulations of smoking. Some installations don’t allow it at all in uniform, others may allow it while standing, and in some instances it’s permissible at all times. Be sure to learn the protocol of your area.
Gum: It may be considered unprofessional for your spouse to chew gum in uniform.
Sharing Uniform: Your spouse may get in trouble if photos of you or others are seen wearing their uniform. It may also be considered disrespectful for spouses to wear PTs.
Umbrellas: There is still debate over the umbrella rule across the different branches. Often, uniformed members are not allowed to carry an umbrella. In some cases, females are allowed to carry one as long as it is solid black.
We want to know what you think!
What do you think of these rules?
Do you see them broken often?
Would you like to see them changed?
Do you see a particular rule get regularly enforced?
ok so my husband and i are expecting our 2nd child, and plan to do a maternity photo shoot, he wants me to wear his acu blouse and beige top. also possible his uniform pants. could he get into trouble if we did this? the ide is we all will have uniform or combat acu camo on because he has not been issued any new gear yet, but our son has a child size uniform bought when we went to see my husband graduate from BCT. anyway hopefuly you can tell me. thank you.
I did the same thing without issues. My hubby is deployed so I took the pics a few weeks back and made a photo book and sent it to him for Christmas. He showed some of the other soldiers, they all enjoyed them and said their spouses did something like that too
It all depends on his command. If in doubt, ask one of his superiors, or one of their wives. Once one of them says it is ok, then they could hardly take it back later. I know that there were “sensitive” times in my husbands career when I wouldn’t have rocked the boat for anything, like in a new command, up for promotion, etc.
Speaking both as a photographer and an army wife- take all the patches except his name tape (if you want it) off the ACU top for you to wear and you should be ok. Your husband, if wearing ANY uniform pieces, needs to be in complete and correct uniform. You will be ok as long as the pictures are classy. The regulation is usually only invoked in cases where uniform pieces are used for “risque” pictures as it is considered not respectful of the uniform.
Agreed, I wore my husband’s full uniform once just to see how I looked, and then I posted a picture online for all to see. I was standing at ease and looking professional. *shrugs*
I think if you are taking a family picture together that is respectful of the uniform, it wouldn’t be an issue, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask just to be sure.
Screw the rules . if i want to kiss my husband in uniform your damn well better believe its gonna happen. Theres far mor important shit the Army needs to regulate then Spouse/Uniform Etiquitte. WTF? really people…
By your response above, you OBVIOUSLY lack etiquette(correct spelling) & couth. It would behoove you to do your loved one some respect & THINK before you type on an open forum. Since, I used words that you don’t quite understand, use Google to look them up as well as the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) & educate yourself.
For all the women who think that way, THANK YOU, for being completely and utterly disrespectful. Not only to the branch, and military as a whole, but your husband. He worked hard to earn the title and uniform, for what? For you to belittle it? I think not. Maybe you should have a talk with your husband about how you feel. I’m sure he would be willing to shed some light on how he is responsible for your actions.
I do not think it is disrespectful to have an opinion contrary to what the “rules” state. Personally, I think the military should be more concerned about protecting its citizens than whether a spouse can hold hands or kiss their spouse. Not every military spouse likes or agrees with all the “rules.”
I understand that not all military spouses understand or agree with all of the rules. However, part of it is for your safety! Yes, kissing your husband while in uniform could very well put you at risk. Any terrorist now knows exactly who you are. Most women are not going to take the time to ensure that they are not being followed. They will have the same routine over and over again. It makes you an easy target. And yes, you could reasonably be a target. It happens more frequently than anyone cares to admit.
During homecomings, almost ALL commands will relax the rules a bit. However, you still need to maintain some level of respect for the uniform. I’ve seen so many wives practically rape their husbands when they get off of the plane, it’s not even funny. (Especially considering how many of them were cheating).
Also, just a last little bit… I have to laugh at how many military spouses are willing to defile their husbands uniform. Let me put it this way… He probably never saw that uniform as sexy until you started taking those risque pictures in it. Now that you’ve planted that seed in his head, it’s going to be very difficult for him to look at a girl in uniform and NOT picture her wearing it like you did. Keep the camo professional and the lingerie separate.
Code or no code, that is your spouse. A hug, kiss, or any type of affection shown is precious, you never know if that’ll be the last time you share it. My husband deployed back to Afghanistan but sure enough we made sure that our goodbye kisses and hugs were memorable regardless who saw. He has been under strenuous and dangerous situations, at the end of the day if something horrible happens (pray it won’t), do you think anybody will give a damn that we kissed in uniform? Don’t even be a hypocrite about this topic, if it was your spouse leaving and something horrific happened, how stupid would you feel knowing that you didn’t wanna show them any affection because of a code? Your last time seeing them but you wanna be a retard. Smh don’t be a hypocrite and don’t believe that you’re on a pedestal for being married to the military (cause honestly you shouldn’t say damn thing about it unless you’ve been it in). Coming from a former soldier, married to an active duty soldier, and a parent to be.
In response to those who have the opinion of “screw the rules”… If you are not the type that likes to follow rules you will most likely not be married to a soldier very long. he or she will either leave the service after a short amount of time or leave you for someone who is mature enough to follow the rules of the service they chosen. This kind of goes along with the shape up or ship out idea. It is what it is.
Locking elbows is no longer allowed in the Air Force period. The new uniform guidelines that recently came out specifically address that. I know you said check, I just wanted to put that out there.
Thanks for the input. I am traveling to see my SrA off, and don’t really know much of the etiquette. I don’t want to do anything that will get him in trouble.
I very well agree with lisa i’ll kiss my husband and i can care less what the army saids worry about important shit such as helping soldiers that came home hurt and need better health care for them and the family stop bitching over stupid shit that is childish grow up people the government need to stop sticking there noses in marriages such as what was commented and worry about the important things that matter. (Mind your on dam business and stay out of my and every one elses business when it comes for wives n children showing affection cause its hard enough when we have to say good byes on deployments). No body is going to stop me from kissing or holding hands with my husband. And if i want to wear his pts when i go running just to have him close i will ill wear his beret ill wear that too its a piece of him i carry with me always like it or not im going to do it in his honor and for others as well and for those who gave there life for us i’m sure im not alone in this.
One statement you made kind of nudged me…. You stated ‘government need to stop sticking their noses in marriages’……. turn that around – spouses need to stay out of their spouses JOBS – you know, the thing that brings in money to the family? The military has rules for a reason. Not just any Joe-Schmo has what it takes to be a member of the US military.
Ellen, I found humor in your comment! “spouses need to stay out of of their spouses jobs” as harsh as it sounds you are 100 % correct. I joined the military and my husband was a spouse , at first. He didn’t understand a lot of the rules . It was a little hard on us until he decided to join the military as well. After that he completely understood. There were times when we were both in uniform and I wanted. To give him a kiss goodbye or hold his arm and he was like no babe we are in uniform not a work. But it was different when he was a civilian.It’s funny how things work out huh? The truth of the matter is being a military couple or spouse is life changing ,it does pay the bills , its not just the
see thats funny cause when i was working (not military wont say what company) if you did it while on their time you got in trouble, so while your spouse is out there in their uniform they are on the clock they are gettting paid how is it any different? to me it isnt i would get in trouble at work and my husband would get in trouble so i understand it.
If you see who gets in, you’d retract that statement. Getting into a branch doesn’t make you some holy grail, it’s very simple as long as you aren’t a complete reject.
Okay, there are different rules for deployments and homecomings, did you not read that part? Just don’t go slinging your tongue around, and you should be good. Good golly, people.
you should care..because te army pays your bills….and alos the funding…the taxpayers!!!get it????army is about rules and when you do not like the rules,do not join the army!!!
Your husband is EMPLOYED BY THE GOVERNMENT! When you married your military spouse you should have known the rules. Their loyalty is first to God, then the Military then the family in that order. If you were his first priority, when they told him to deploy, he’d say no, sorry, the wife says I can’t go.
The military is your life. The military is what pays your bills. The military is how you get medical care. The military is how you have a place to live, how you have a place to shop at a discount. These men are willing to die for their country. You need to have respect for the rules in which these soldiers live by. Is it worth risking your spouse receiving a dishonorable discharge because you wanted to hang all over him, and wear his clothes? Sounds like you are very immature and selfish. Come back after you’ve been married 30 years and been a military spouse for 30 years.. oh wait, with your attitude you probably won’t make it to either milestone.
I can somewhat agree with her because for those of us who were married before our husbands joined it’s a hard change. WE didn’t sign up for the military life and why make a big deal about PDA, like many have said there are bigger things to worry about. I understand wanting to uphold a professional look while in uniform but why make a big deal about holding hands and locking arms as long as it’s not in a sloppy mannor. On base I had to be an arms length away from my husband at all times. There are MANY different things the military should be more concerned about than the PDA. Telling a couple that they can’t even lock arms (at the least) is like saying not to bring your pregnant wife on base because everyone knows you had to have sex to create that child.
I too married my husband years before he joined active duty military service. His recruiter informed me exactly what our family would committing to once he joined…no excuses for us either. =)
You need to respect your husband and his job…even if you dont like the rules. We all have to abide by these rules wether we like it or not. I agree that some of these are a bit silly, but we still have to obey them. When you married your man, you knew (kind of) what you were getting into. You are held to a certain standard and what you break the rules or act out, it not only relects poorly on your, but more importantly, your husband. You could really hurt his career. You have to understand that when you break the rules, no matter what they may be, your husband is the one that has to pay for it. Stop thinking about yourself and respect your husband and the U.S. Military. On a different note, you need to use better grammar. Just saying…
I think some of the spouses here are missing the point. They’re not going to tell you that you can’t kiss your spouse or hold their hand. They’re going to make his/her life difficult when they counsel your military member on proper conduct in uniform. If it continues after verbal warnings enough times, they could face UCMJ actions under Article 92: Failure to obey order or regulation. This may lead to a loss of rank and/or forfeiture of pay. So how much is hand holding worth? Remember, as a spouse, your actions can positively or negatively effect the career of your loved ones.
I am sure they mean the pics i have seen of girls wearing a jacket and nothing else on under it .. NOW that is tacky .. but as far as kids i think its cute .
How about be respectful of your spouses’ job? If you were working in Macy’s or wherever he wouldn’t be able to just come in and start a make out session with you on shift in front of your boss and co-workers. Start putting things into a little perspective. Take some pride in what he does and follow the rules. They aren’t bad, you can kiss and hug at a homecoming but you don’t need to tongue bathe him save it for the home, or in the car. So many women these days don’t know how to be a lady, it’s just sad. Think back a couple generations, now those women are someone to hold in a high regard, and with the utmost admiration. If you’re so disrespectful you can’t abide by a few simple rules while your husband is in uniform and accountable for his actions maybe you shouldn’t attend the affairs. How would you feel if your husband came home and told you because you’ve had a total disregard to the rules he now has docked pay? Are those public displays of affection worth it? No, the command won’t come talk to YOU personally, but they will light up your spouses’ rear end and can make life miserable for him because he can’t keep YOU in check. Our spouses’ are responsible for us. Did you know by YOU getting a speeding ticket on base/post your husband could be docked promotion points? Although it has been a few years since I’ve heard this done, so it may have changed but it did happen. This lifestyle isn’t about YOU, and what YOU want, so get over it. Abide the rules or stay home.
You were talking about our spouse getting in trouble for a dependant getting pulled over on base/post and wondering if it still worked that way…I will be the first to say, YES, it does still works that way!! We were stationed overseas for 3 years. Your driving record is way different when you are overseas (not near as harsh and doesnt go on your stateside driving record). Anyway, I got pulled on base for rolling through a stop sign. I only got 3 points on my military driving record, but my husband on the other hand…he had to face his commander and go through loads of paper work for MY mistake. Think before you break the rules. Stop being selfish and put your spouse into consideration before you do something like breaking a rule that you dont like.
Why would you want pictures of yourself in a uniform you DID NOT EARN. Stop wearing your HUSBANDS rank. Not to mention those kinds of pictures are more often than not so ugly and tacky….
Guess USMC has more standards than those Army folks….
i wear my husbands clothes wehn im pregnant because his are bigger, and we cant afford maternity clothes most of the time, im not saying i’d go out in full uniform, but i might take his Pt’s because thats what fits… and he thinks im sexy in his coat’s so its a bedroom thing too. as for pix in the uniform, i might if it was for his eyes only.
Perhaps because it’s more important to keep the money for the ACTUAL expenses, rather than a new set of clothes that you won’t wear after a few months. It’s none of your business how she allocates her budget. Get over yourself .
i couldnt afford maternity clothes because i was too busy stashing up on diapers, formula, baby food, baby clothes ect. now that they’re here im glad i did because it cost me an arm and a leg every month to feed diaper and clothe their little beautiful butts. and BTW he dont produce enough testostrone to even be considerd firtil and we were using BC. so yea we didnt plan this but i wouldnt go back now,. we love them so much. so get over yourself.
Hey whatever fits. Don’t listen to whatever anyone says about affording what. They are hating, envious, and jealous. U are somebody bringing a life into this world. It is a privilege and a blessing from God to be able to do that. Not everyone gets to have that, and only God knows why he doesn’t give that privilege to anybody. It’s His perfect design.
i think its more of a public thing, meaning just dont post pics on facebook and parade around like youre owning the rank, which you said you arent. ive worn plenty of his pt garments too and im not even pregnant lol. youve got a better excuse than me. i think its wise to spend money on things like diapers and baby clothes than maternity clothes that are usually only worn for 3-4 months. it shows youre making the right sacrifices for your little one. good luck and congrats!!!
Hah! “…more standards than those Army folks…” is an understatement!!! I’m crying laughing reading that, considering I married a Marine who wanted back in so badly and was so impatient, he actually signed 3 years away to those people (aka the Army Reserves)…needless to say, he now listens to me when I say certain things
You do realize that regardless of branch, it’s all the same military, right? Your husband may need a reservist to save his life some day. The pissing contest is ridiculous.
yeah heres one of the proud usmc wives now! be respectful of all branches regardless of which one they are all doing a job and deserve respect for each person and their service…
You gotta be out of your mind. UCMJ is the Uniform Military Code of Justice not the Army rules. Not to mention us Army folks have done some outstanding work. I don’t have to wear my husband’s rank I got SGT all on my own baby. So next time you even dream of discussing the Army so poorly you had better wake up and apologize.
If you have stood behind and supported your husband while in service you HAVE earned it. Y’all can have opinions about the pictures of wives in their husbands uniforms but it’s got their name on it too.
The only one I find silly is the umbrella one. Especially if in their dress uniform! I mean I get they are suppose to tough and all but if they having to wear dress uniform for work or a function (mine wears blues on Mondays) especially if you live some place it gets cold, that they would be allowed to use an umbrella to stay dry and not get soaked to the skin and possibly get sick!
That and hand holding are the only ones that bother me. I could understand no kissing, groping, or making out. Hand holding and a brief one armed hug should be okay.
You ladies have to understand it’s a professional uniform, in which your husbands have to maintain a professional appearance. If you can’t shake the need to smack your man on his lips, maybe you can wait until you’re inside out of sight of others. My wife says I’m different in uniform, but has come to accept it as my being professional. You should too.
I think with some it might run deep. They feel the need for P D A to prove that this individual belongs to them. They may be insecure, and sometimes the uniform makes the insecurities worse. Personally, I think of waiting till we get home as an exciting thing…foreplay if you will.
I think the issue is wife/girlfriends or even in the case of the women being the one in the military and the husband/boyfriend seeing her or him right after basic, AIT, deployment, etc. and still not being able to kiss them or hold on their hand as soon as they finally get to see them again after all that time they spent waiting on them to return is torture. It’s not meant as disrepect to the uniform or the military I think most just have missed their loved one.
We are all in the same, Veterans. We all wear are Uniforms with pride and shall at all times conduct ourselves as Professionals. In Civilian Clothes or in our Prospective Uniforms, this is the Standard we are Different from others in our society.Conduct yourself as a professional even when you think sombody is not looking.
Theres alot of rules I dont fully understand but if we have to follow them I do. The last thing I wanna deal with is my husband being mad at me cause he got yelled at. As far as this whole branch feud bull crap what does it matter which one youre in?? Ive known people in all branches that lack class so slow youre roll ppl
While it is a profession that I have done for the last 12 years, you cannot honestly expect me to not holds hands or kiss my wife in public. There is such a thing as good taste, i.e. groping, etc. but for the most part as long as its PG appropriate, no one really minds.
I think this is a great post and everybody military spouse or partner should read it. These are pretty standard rules even in the civilian world. It would be inappropriate for me to kiss my spouse or hold his hand while he was at work in a professional work uniform in any manner, so I can’t understand the comments below about not being able to accept that.
I do have issues with the uniform aspect. I was National Guard until recently and my husband and I routinely shared pieces of our uniforms. I’m no longer in, but I go running in my old PT’s sometimes. I was once chastised at our last base by some NCO who asked me why I was wearing my soldiers PT uniform. It’s a little disturbing to have it automatically assumed that it is his.
It has, as far as I know. I have seen AD personnel here in San Diego walking and talking on their phones near the exchange/commissary. Could depend on the CO of the base; some are more lenient than others.
I have read some of the comments on this issue and I don’t think that it is any particular branch of military’s “problem.” My husband is active duty Army, he is an 0-4. Since the day we met, he has ALWAYS followed the regulations. He never shows PDA (except returning home from deployment), never carries an umbrella, I am always on his Left side and there is no cell phone use while walking. I once asked why would he be so strict with following the regs. He simply explained to me that if he isn’t the one showing his soldiers that he follows the rules, then how are they going to view him as their leader. Simply put, you have to start somewhere when you enter the military and if your leaders aren’t following the rules, your soldiers are not going to respect you or value you as a mentor at any rank.
I am a wife of an Army soldier, former active duty, currently National Guard. My one question is, as a wife, why in the heck would I want to wear my husband’s UNIFORMS? I am a nurse…he doesn’t try to wear my scrubs. That is just stupid! It’s tacky too. A uniform is used for professional and career purposes only. It’s not a fashion statement. I can’t even stand when I see former servicemembers wearing parts of their ACU’s to mow lawns in or go to Walmart in. Really? Have some tact! Have some class! As for wives, wear your own clothes. No one thinks it’s cute when you wear your hubby’s uniform.
As for PDA, my husband has never had problems with holding my hand or giving me a hug or kiss while in uniform. I guess it’s because we had tact and class when we did so. I always automatically walk on the left of him. I guess I’m just programmed to do so, but I never was told to. LOL
WEll aren’t you just a “trophy” wife. Not a a flaw in there… former service members can do whatever they want in their uniforms they earned the right to. They retired that uniform when they left the military. Also i’m pretty sure the women who are wearing their husbands uniforms aren’t doing it to make a fashion statement and probably don’t care if YOU think its cute or not. I for one wouldn’t wear it in public but I might prance around the house in it. And as far as PT gear goes that it just ridiculous.. I got scolded for wearing my husbands PT gear, I could have picked up the same shirt and shorts at the NEX the only difference is that I didn’t have to pay money for these ones. I understand they have rules and restrictions on things for good reason but sometimes they need to just take a step back and think, is it really that big of a deal?
When my boyfriend graduated OSUT in December, inside the area where they held the family day ceremony they allowed small PDA. However, their company 1SG said the moment they stepped outside, to wear the uniform, and act as if they were in church. Even though I do not go to church, I understood completely. I spent the rest of the day with my arm locked in his left arm. That was Wednesday, and I didn’t even kiss him until Saturday after he was actually home, not in his uniform. This was after not seeing him for 5 months, and when you’re a 17 year old, that’s quite a long time. I am a PROUD Army girlfriend with respect to him and his uniform! Not only that, I’LL be a solider as well!
my Marine sat in a parking lot on his motorcycle for like, an hour one night before telling me he was doing so – he couldnt walk while on the phone, but he didn’t want to hang up <3
Walking and talking on phone one makes sense, if you think about it. Heard a story about a soldier at work, was walking and talking at the same time, wasn’t watching where he was going, and fell flat on his face!
I agree with Lisette, Lisa, and others who say that the military has no business dictating to married couples whether or not they can show affection for each other in public while one is in uniform. I am not sorry to say that, for me, our marriage takes precedence over our occupations. I am proud of my husband and what he does and I support him completely. I have made many sacrifices and accepted this lifestyle in order to be with him. I loved him before he entered the military and i love him still and nothing will alter the way in which I express that love for him. I agree that there is no need to be tactless while showing that affection in public while in uniform, but as far as requiring military personnel to conduct themselves and professionals and gentlemen/ladies at all times, there is nothing more classy and gentlman-like than not being afraid to show your lady how much you respect and care for her no matter who is watching and no matter where you are. The family is the strength behind the uniform and that should be respected, honored, and acknowledged as much as the bravery of military members. There is no shame in showing affection for your loved ones! With all that military members and their spouses sacrifice, they should not be expected to stiffle their emotions at any time, let alone the precious moments that they are able to share together in person. I can understand the lack of professionalism associated with two military members being overly affectionate with each other while in uniform, but if it is a military member and a civilian I see no issue, especially if they are married. There are far more dishonorable things taking place within the military and government that need to be focused on more than a wife holding her military husband’s hand in public. I believe that these rules should be amended to apply only to relationships between two members of the forces, not civilians. As others have mentioned, rules or no rules, no one will ever tell me when or where I can show affection for my husband. That is for us to decide and no one else, and there is nothing disrespectful or inproper about it, period.
PS- HawaiianMCwife 2, you should just be quiet..and maybe revise your own grammar before posting next time, as one cannot “do” someone some respect..they would “show” respect, actually.
I agree with some of what you’ve said, particularly that showing affection to loved ones is not shameful, but then that is not the issue. We’re talking about what is professional in keeping with military duty, while your husband is in uniform and namely while he is in uniform around other military members, oftentimes during military duty. Your husband’s “occupation” as you put it is not just that, but a duty to country. There is a difference, a big difference in my opinion, and therefore as his duty to country, the rules and regulations while in uniform should be respected and enforced regardless of your feelings for him as your husband. He is not just your spouse, he is an ambassador for the military and should behave as such, as should his family. The family should be respected and honored, however affection is not typically professional in manner and I think that is where the line has been drawn. You can walk next to your husband and speak with him, but I think kissing and holding hands, and at times even hugging, while in uniform is crossing the line. The only instance in which bending of these rules is warranted is prior to or following a deployment or extended training, or during unofficial events or parties (like military balls or annuals) . Perhaps it would be different if there weren’t those who crossed the line and then some, time after time (ie inappropriate photos taken in military uniform etc), thus disrespecting the military uniform and what it stands for. As a military wife and a mother of two, I think it is important that I show my children that I love their daddy but at the same time respect him and his military duty. When my husband is in uniform, I want them also to show respect and abide by rules put in place to maintain the dignity of the military and our country. Of course kids are not expected to not give their dad hugs and kisses, but they are children
Wow, I am saddened by all of the negativity and bantering. I believe this article was intended to raise awareness, not a riot! Some people may just be new to the military lifestyle and simply not know the rules and etiquette. Many of them I was unsure of when my husband first joined. I have learned them and respect them now, even if they are difficult for me at times… especially the PDA. I have often seen (and yes, have even done it myself) others wearing parts of uniforms. I personally DO believe that it’s something that the service member has earned the right to wear and shouldn’t be for the civilian, but sometimes, when your spouse if half a world away and all you want is their arms around you, sometimes you settle for their sweatshirt. As a spouse that IS guilty of occasionally putting on an article of hubby’s uniform (in my own home or a photo for his eyes only), I promise you I did it with pride and respect. Being in the military is a tough job with tough rules and responsibilities. Being a military spouse is also difficult. We don’t get to go through boot camp to teach us all the rules and etiquette, we just have to learn as we go.
We should also remember that while yes, we may “pick on” the other branches of service that we are not attached to, but in the end we are all on the same team here! Respect EVERY soldier, sailor, marine, airman, and coastie as well as their families. Think of them as family… I know I do!
Very well said, I agree! Military spouses have to stick together and support each other as much as possible. It is hard for me personally to see some military spouses who show disrespect, but many of them may be new to the military and just not know yet.
hi can anyone tell me if there is a list or how can i write to a soldier iam an ex military wife 2 times both guys were in the army.both have passed away .one in 92 at age 32 he was already out of service and we were divorced but still were great friends he died of cancer of the blood and left one son now 32 the other just resently pass at age 61 he was a vietnam vet in the army also he and i also had a son that passed away in 94 at age 20 .i just wanted to find out if there were any single guys that would like a pen pal thank you iam in my 50,s if that helps thank you i have resepct for all military personal. leave message if you can dawnmariecole54@gmail.com thank you .
I think the umbrella rule is just stupid, honestly. Are they supposed to just get drenched if it’s raining or hailing?
My husband works night shift and if I’m visiting him and it’s only the two of us, we’ll hold hands and share little kisses. Nothing crazy. Homecomings, all bets are off. This past one a few months ago, I just threw my arms around him and didn’t let go.
Other than that, he is rarely in uniform unless he is at work, even when we are on base for other things (ID renewals, his medical stuff, etc.) He likes to leave work at work whenever he can.
So I haven’t gone through and read all the comments and I’m not a military wife, but I AM a military girlfriend and sister. I find these rules to be perfectly reasonable since most of them are in order to keep the uniform neat and tidy and so that the soldier in question can salute his superiors. As for the people who have a problem with the rules, I suspect you have a problem obeying rules and direction in general and you won’t last very long in the military. By the way, when your husband enlisted or you married a soldier? You married the military too. Sorry nobody warned you.
Those of you saying “screw the rules” or “the rules are stupid are simply making your spouse look bad. Have some class, and get over the fact that rules are rules. We all learned in kindergarten that we have to follow rules even if we don’t like them. Your spouse is apart of the 1% in this country to be apart of the amazing military… No matter the branch. Respect that. There are rules like this because service members are indeed held to a higher standard than a civilian.
I have been with my boyfriend since before he left for Bootcamp. He is a E-3 in the Marine Corps. When I went to his family day and boot camp graduation, he was one of the few that actually followed the rules. I was on the left and linking elbows (when his mother wasn’t, that’s another thing. If there are multiple women, he is to escort the eldest.), hugs were short, definitely no kissing, no walking and eating or talking on the phone. He follows the rules because he worked hard to eaarn the title and wear that uniform, why would he disrespect it?
I know that I have seen many military gf’s wearing their bf’s “cover” or uniform and posting it on FB or other social networks, They always get so offended when people tell them that their loved one could get in trouble for that. Little do they know just HOW serious that rule is.
I am the wife of a Naval Veteran and the mother of a Army Soldier, and I appreciate the Rules! They are part of what sets Military Servicemen and Women apart and makes them honorable! Just as my belief and faith in God and the Bible, gives me standards that I am proud to live by, adding fullness, joy, and peace to my life, and set me apart from others who don’t believe it or live by it…the rules of the military are part of what make each serviceman or woman worthy of wearing the uniform! Anyone who doesn’t see and respect the need for them, needs to re-evaluate themselves….Basic Training would probably be a great start!
I must say I’m a little offended by the war between branches… these men and women worked very hard to get where they are–despite the color of their uniform. They have a common goal and are all amazing for what they do and the sacrifices they make. It also upsets me to see people complaining they can’t hold hands in public when my son won’t even get to meet his father until he is nearly six months old… it won’t kill you to wait a little longer to do so. I grew up with a lot of members of my family in various branches of the military and there has always been slight bantering, like with football teams, or rivalry, but some of the remarks on here are just low blows relating to a few who set a bad example and it’s disrespectful to place all of those men and women associated with one branch or another in a clump filled with disrespect. Excuse my rant but I am very proud of my soldier and friends and family who have served and this article was to HELP those new to the military world respectfully. Not only did you disrespect many service men and women but Amanda who posted this and those of us who do value the rules. Military is about honor, order, respect, dignity and duty. Complaining over this pettiness is ridiculous, instead focus your energy being thankful that your significant other is close enough to link arms with or to share a brief hug… because for many of us that day is VERY SLOWLY approaching.
What does that have ANYTHING to do with her comment about disrespecting the uniform? If your intent was to respond to the random and absurd comment further up about how breast feeding Mom’s should cover up (which adorable coverups are available, though I don’t know why you would coverup a bottle fed baby) then please put your comment where it was meant to go. Also, just to educate you, not every woman has the ability to breastfeed despite how badly they want to! I know, it happened to me (and yes, I used a cover during the time that I tried to breastfeed and make my body do what it SHOULD do).
Maybe you should learn the meaning of “troll” in forums such as this. You are being the “troll” in this case. She is simply stating that she agrees with and respects the rules. It doesn’t matter where she’s from. There’s no need to be hateful.
I apologize to you too! This is what happens when you’re awake at all hours with your teething baby, reading random forums to pass the time, and don’t realize that the dates on the posts are going in reverse as you scroll down! I do still feel that the “go back to Europe” bit was a little hateful (not to mention, there are those from the U.S. such as myself who do think that covering up does not degrade breastfeeding moms at all and should be done out of consideration. I wish I could have breastfed, I tried every 2 hours for 2 months to pump for feed. I truly believe it is the healthier and more beneficial option and all moms should at least try it. However, I had a cover with me at all times and I used it.
As a veteran with an honorable discharge who made sergeant with minimum time in grade and was an “Airman of the Month” once, this reaction by the military to pictures of citizen soldiers breast feeding their babies turns my stomache. Yes, the military has rules. Check out the UCMG to see what you are allowed to do in your own bedroom. Is this the “freedom” that American military personel risk their lives for? I am with those women, and look on their detractors with repubnance.
As an honorably discharged veteran myself as well, I am ashamed at the military to see this kind of story and response to the pictures. Breastfeeding is beautiful part of human nature. There is NO disgrace to the uniform going on. The uniform IS clothing. It is NOT a trophy.
Granted, the mothers hanging the breasts out in public for all to see is going a little too far. They can cover with a receiving blanket (and military back off about the color of it not being black).
Remember there are/were many cultures where the women would not wear any tops at all ever.
I as well support these women, and will stand with them against those who try to say it is a bad thing.
As prior USAF and a female, I am a little bothered by this picture. I believe you can do it but in privacy. I cant have kids (due to health reasons) and I dont want to see it. I never seen any of my female USAF friends do this. Look, do it all you want, but in PRIVATE, I dont want to see it.
that’s so harsh and immature. if someone doesn’t want to see other people’s bodies in public that’s their right. it’s called public for a reason, you don’t have the right to do whatever you want if it’s going to upset others and clearly it upsets that lady. You must be mistaken— PRIVATE is the place you may exhibit yourself as you wish, and do whatever you please regardless of the feelings of others
That was an awful response. By your same definition people should be able to see nursing in public because it clearly upsets people not to. Who do you think has to pay for all of these babies who grow up to be mentally and emotionally stunted because they weren’t nursed because of prude people who have nothing better to do than whine about the nerve of good mothers feeding their babies. If skin and something as innocent as nursing upsets people that much, move to the middle east! I, for one, will continue to nurse my babies when they decide they need it, not when some idiot dictates it. I don’t tell anyone not to open their eyes or breathe in public because it offends me or else there wouldn’t be many people left.
How are you upset by NOT seeing breasts?? That defies logic. You WANT to expose yourself to others? You get your jollies off knowing that people are looking at your chest? No one’s asking you not to breastfeed, they’re just asking you to cover up while you do it. In the amount of time it would take you to stop what you’re doing and whip out you tit, you could also get a receiving blanket, and I don’t know, cover yourself?? Or you could simply walk to a lounge, your car, one of the private pharmacy waiting cubicles where they do consultations (yes, they will let you use them!), or a restroom, where you can let it all hang out without the disruption of others. It’s a win win situation, nobody has to be uncomfortable and your infant won’t have distractions.
Also. There are no viable statistics proving, or even concluding, that lack of breastfeeding causes any mental or emotional harm or delay. The only thing formula fed children are proven to have is a minimal increase in food allergies, which most kids grow out of by adulthood anyways.
You’re so perverted. People can be very upset by not seeing mothers nursing their children. Not every mother can cover up. My children were in the 98 percentile for size and would kick and yank down any blanket I covered up with. You think every place has a lounge? Or that every person has a car? Or that every car has heat or AC or that people won’t still whine about you nursing in your car because they can walk by and look in? How often are nursing mothers in a pharmacy?! Are you kidding me about a restroom or are you just stupid? You must eat lots of meal on public toilets then. It’s a great idea for a baby with a developing immune system to eat right next to the E-Coli and Salmonella. WTF would I care if my infant gets distracted? You obviously are severely lacking in both a knowledge of mothering and genetics, both of which I excel at. Next you’ll be telling me that there are not over 200 studies proving that circumcision causes long term mental and emotional damage. Breastfeeding has been proven to increase IQ by around 5 points, the longer it is done, the more points you get. This isn’t something based on just some study. They actually know some of the genes (on DNA in case you are as slow as you sound) that cause this. Next you’ll be telling me that DNA isn’t real either. It has been proven to boost a child’s immune system, not only lessening allergies, but also passing on white blood cells and a mother’s immunity directly to her child. Not only that, but breastfed children have lower instances of tooth decay and are healthier, smarter, grow better, and better behaved long term. Have you ever heard the saying, “Better to keep your mouth closed and have others think you a fool than to open your mouth and prove their suspicions correct?” I’ve been working with other people’s children for 15 years and have my own. I took classes in middle school, high school, and college all about children because my life, career, and expertise have revolved around learning about children, their psyche, and everything that has to do with them including research and studies.
She isn’t talking about breast feeding you MORON. First of all, how the hell did you get breast feeding out of don’t hold hands in public, stay on his left side, and don’t let him hold an umbrella? You are not supposed to kiss in public, and that is where the first woman kind of took it and ran wild but she was not RUDE or HEARTLESS like you. Do you even KNOW anyone in the Military? Hasn’t anyone ever told you, If you have NOTHING nice to say, KEEP YOUR DAMN MOUTH SHUT?!
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It’s not about who or whom can’t have kids . It’s not something everyone wants to see cover up and yes I have to kids and they where raised as military kids . It’s about respect for yourself and others. Thanks for covering up.
these women habe no class and style!!not everybody wants to see your breast..i am european and i was disgusted to see women breastfed in public hier in usa…these women are pretty at least,i saw overweight cows,what made me have a vomiting sensation for weeks….sorry it is the truth…if you breastfed in public,use a blanket or something…and healthy breastfeeding???come on….the big majority eat junk,unhealthy food..goes directly to the baby….and breastfeed for months and years….their breast reach their knee by the time are done..i have kids and i had the decency not to expose my breast in public.,..shame on them…no respect for teh army
a vomitting sensation? Are you serious? I feel so sorry for your children. You, are the scum of the earth and your children need to be removed from your custody. You have poor grammar, and you are an awful human being. Please go back to Europe if it offends you so, oh and PS: STOP TROLLING!
At Skinnie … you are the fool when you can call her one for saying what is total truth. People should use some common decency and basic good morals by covering themselves up in public.
At Athomas718 … Where do you get off saying she is scum, or accusing her of her bad grammar. Perhaps yopu should drag you sorry piece of $h!t butt to her original country and see how well you can speak and write their native language. For that matter, she is probably TEACHING her kids a ton more than you kids are getting taught by you.
At MellyCooper … I applaude you for speaking up the truth. These women in the pictures have only shown their total lack of good morals by not covering up. Too many people in this country seem to have forgotten what manners, courtesy, morals, and manners actually are any more.
Macemitchell; what you call “total truth” is called an opinion. I happen to agree with your views more so than the person you responded to, however, I would never try to pass my opinion off as fact like you just did.
You make it sound like deviant behavior. I’m sorry you cannot have children if that is what you wanted to do, but please don’t make it sounds like they are deviants. That is just projection.
your jealousy over being unable to conceive children has nothing to do with these women’s rights! How dare you take out your misfortune on others! You should be ashamed. Those women leave their children in the care of others for months at a time fighting for YOU the least you could do is appreciate it by being tolerant. sn: nobody gives a damn what you don’t want to see…..
Im ex military, was a pregnancy coordinator, suffered several miscarriages while in, -Fighting for YOU - and cannot have any now. Why should I be ashamed if I don’t want a constant reminder of what fighting for your freedom has done to my body. You should be ashamed!
Seriously get a life it’s possible you weren’t meant to have children females don’t belong in the military unless you’re able to everything a male is required to do as in…CFT & PFT requirements. Push-ups, running same distance & time, etc.
You disgust me it is not about jealousy it is about making some one feel uncomfortable!!! Men leave their children all day long for months fighting so what makes a difference that a woman doe that does not give her a right to let her boobs hang out anywhere she pleases! Cover it up some and be more respectful to people around you!!!
This article isn’t even about that.. and there are no specific rules regarding breastfeeding according to that article about that picture. The problem was promoting a political agenda in uniform.
I’m not saying one or the other of you is wrong or right. Just saying you might be commenting on the wrong article.
My husband is in the Army and we have been married for a year and I too cannot have children just like the Woman you are speaking so horribly to. I do not like to see others making out either as it is a reminder that I cannot have children. BUT this article is NOT about having children. It is about the general rules that go along with EVERY military branch and is mostly intended for the new significant others. They are just regs. So I cannot understand why you are throwing such a fit. She never said anything to you, and you are the one being disgusting here. SHE has fought for YOUR freedom. Your name says your have children in the Army so you should FULLY understand, but obviously you are just blind and ignorant. If you have nothing nice to say, than be RESPECTFUL and keep your damn mouth shut. Get some class, will ya? Your embaressing the Army…
No, I don’t think it has anything to do with jealously. Breastfeeding is supposed to be a “bonding” event, so leave that at home, or go to a restroom. Most other people see it as disgusting, weird, awkward, and indecent. I don’t care who you’re feeding with your tits, they’re still tits. I was shocked to see the photo of the women in uniform, breastfeeding in public. If you can’t properly wear the uniform, don’t wear it, go to the bathroom! Just rude.
Would you eat your food in a bathroom? Breastfeeding is more than a “bonding event”. If you’re one of those narrow minded people who think it’s disgusting, weird, awkward and indecent then shame on you. It is the most natural thing on the planet. People like you with that sort of attitude are the number one reason why a lot of new mothers are too embarrassed to breastfeed. Your attitude is disgraceful. It is not the fault of mothers or babies that breasts are seen as sex objects by narrow minded jerks who prefer to call them “tits”.
It’s funny how many people whining about whiners forget that we do live in America. By the way, our military is organized and run by idiots. Any intelligent soldier can verify that (and a few dumb ones). Respect is earned, not given. I ignore all of these rules, but our base is pretty lax.
How immature and disrespectful you are… you’ve just proven all they are saying about your generation. This entitlement generation, its all about me generation. Your husband ought to be ashamed to call you his wife, you are definitely an embarrassment to military wives everywhere. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Wow, you don’t know anything. How presumptive. So, does this mean you are from the snotty, incompetent, and ignorant generation? Why would my husband be ashamed? I’m the most self sacrificing person we we know and one of the most intelligent. I actually married one of only 2 people I’ve ever met who beat my ASVAB score! I scored a 95% and was offered the chance to be a nuclear physicist for the U.S. Navy (which I turned down to be a stay at home mother, volunteer, and a fundraiser for our local animal rescue organization), and he scored a 96% and worked on nuclear missiles. I never had anything handed to me my whole life. I worked my butt off and still do. I’m embarrassed of the vast majority of military wives who sit around whining, reveling in the “glory” of being a soldier’s wife, buying things they can’t afford and getting into debt then whining that they aren’t paid enough (we have $1300 extra a month after bills so I don’t know what these stupid people are buying!), competing with each other endlessly, and the list goes on when it comes to my gripes about idiot military wives. I’m not ashamed of a damned thing. I earned my spot in life, but there’s a reason IQ is graded on a bell curve and I’m smarter than well over 75% of people….. people like you are a joke. Why don’t you get off your stinky butt, and do something to make the world a better place.
Her husband should be proud that he married a woman who is not afraid to voice her beliefs and is also intelligent enough to articulate them in a sophisticated manor. I know mine is.
How immature and disrespectful you are… you’ve just proven all they are saying about your generation. This entitlement generation, its all about me generation. Your husband ought to be ashamed to call you his wife, you are definitely an embarrassment to military wives everywhere. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
My husband, who has been active duty military for 30 years, says that with the exception of keeping your right hand free to salute, the rest of these “rules” are BS.
This is one of the most bizarre controversies I have ever seen in my entire life.
These women should be given commendations, for a list of reasons too long to enter here.
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with just a tad of applied philosophy, psychology, and sociology.
After serving 20 plus years in the US Army, being married for 17 of those years, I will say my wife and children always respected the uniform and never wanted to do anything to disrespect it. The rules were intended to show respect to the United States Military and to the country. If a person is not an member of the Armed Forces, It shows disrespect to wear any part of an uniform PERIOD. Many service personnel and their family are proud to be associated with the US Military, and if you cannot treat the uniform with proper respect then go back to civilian life. Bring back some form of the draft, and this country would be in greater shape both militarily and financally.
Is this for their work uniforms or dress uniforms and for all branches? The location my hubby and I are at, this happens in both kinds all the time and no one notions any different. I think these “rules” are for specific locations/assignments only not for the general everyday life.
Don’t remember whether it was boot camp or OCS, but we were taught that saluting with the left hand was acceptable. The example I remember was do not try a quick shift and drop your baby just to salute with the right hand.
I hope “screwing Those rules” is worth more than the loss of rank, pay, and respect he would receive because of your screwing. Also, one reason affection is not shown is it’s a dead give away to what would hurt the service member to the core the most to harm. Kind of like why we don’t wear uniforms on planes anymore overseas. It’s a bulls-eye.
I have no problem with mothers who breast feed their kids. If there is someone out there who is upset by the nuts and bolts of how we come into this world and how Nature intended babies to be fed, then don’t look.
paprika0511,you should stop freaking out and make a bit of more sense,cuz i have no idea and im sure more readers have no idea what you are trying to say.
a lot of people are using the statement this was in public and its not allowed….. do it privately. i even read that people shouldn’t have to see body parts while in public. so when does one persons freedom end and the others begin who is to put rules and regulations on our freedoms in public….. its the age ole debate… im a breastfeeding mother and even covered up feeding my child ( a natural process ) i get dirty looks from males and females alike… just the sheer thought of what go on under that blanket disgusts people….. but heaven forbid if i want to go to a grocery store or drive in my car or sit outside of my house without smelling and breathing in someone elses cigarette smoke… which is taking away my right to breathe the air i want…. but people rather press the issue of breastfeeding….. if i have no say where u smoke which affects my health u should have no say in where i breastfeed which doesn’t affect yours….
Ok yes these women do have rights but there very shady and not as fine tuned as civilian rights , i do indeed support there right to breastfeed i have an awesome step daughter smart as a whip she was breastfed as well but with this being said some people. Dont wish to see such things i mean realy if a cop rolled by and realy wanted to get them for public indecency. Who could but in doing so would start a war. Now on the subject of all u racist people. Thats garbage nobody in this country is originaly from here except well the full blooded indians so knock it off we are all immigrants. From all over. So who givs a rats ass grow up grow some grown up parts and act ure age
I don’t get why it’s s0 hard for people to understand, that’s their job, your husband can’t just walk into your job & start making out with you. It’s disrespectful & makes the establishment look bad. A jobs a job and in this economy you should respect it.
I think rules are a good thing but I do feel they need to include some when it comes to the female military members. They have restrictions on tattoos & piercings and males are not aloud to alter themselves so why should females be aloud to get breast implants. Half the females in the military are only in for attention.
I will have to agree that regard should be given to these rules. Mostly, they are for your soldier, they are not set upon YOU directly, but you can have an effect on the rules that are set upon him (or her, I know there are some military spouses who happen to be men ). For example, he may need to salute, and he has to do it with his right hand. It’s not a RULE for you to walk on his left, but it makes it easier for HIM to follow his rule easier.
You may not like it, but once again, this is the military. He signed the paperwork, and he does as he is told. And yes, the military doesn’t necessarily own the spouses, but the spouses are seen as the support of their soldiers. So SUPPORT them, and help make following the rules easier for him. It’s not about you all the time.
In regards to handholding.. It says males may escort women.. My husband and I got yelled at for that. We were walking through a thick crowd and he took my hand to lead the way so I wouldn’t get lost (didn’t know my way around at the time) and some guy not in uniform (so I don’t know his rank and I didn’t recognize him and neither did my husband) started going OFF on us about it. He was yelling like a drill Sgt in the middle of the food court at the Bx AT ME.. not just at my husband. I just about lost it. I didn’t know the rules at all at that point and my husband thought it was ok to take my hand to get through the crowd (which it seems like it is..). My husband apologized to the yelling guy and let my hand go but I am not a big fan of listening to some random angry dude who, as far as I know, is just another random guy who happened to be on base. I feel like the whole yelling thing should be saved for basic training.. not in the middle of the Bx by someone in civilian clothing.
Honestly I think that guy just wanted to be a jerk cause it made him feel better. If he were in uniform I honestly would have thought him to be way more inappropriate than our dumb handholding in that situation.
I do find most of the rules to be pretty dumb but honestly it isn’t the rules that bug me.. its the fact that someone felt the need to sit down and think about all that and write it down and spend time getting it approved. Seems like a silly waste of time to me but since its already done I see no reason to waste more time changing it. Making them more clear and more well known might be useful if they are going to be enforced.
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Ive been a military spouse for 5 years and an Army brat for 10 and unles sit was a formal setting no one enforces the hand holding or PDA rule (as long as its not XXX lol)
First off, for those of you who have no idea why these rules have been put into effect or who believe that the rules don’t apply to you, because in your small-minded heads you (or your military loved ones) are special, you have no right being affiliated with the armed forces anyway, whether serving yourself or through marriage. Secondly, if you are in fact going to continue being a part of the military family, it is in the best interests of both you and your loved one to become accustomed to the rules and regulations imposed by the military as a whole, and by each individual installation, as a failure to do so can result in an UCMJ action, or the revocation of post living privileges. Third, (and I’m only bringing this up because not only am I a woman, but a mother and sister,) the female soldiers that everyone seems to be talking about who felt the need to breastfeed in uniform (and clearly, the rest of you) need to understand one thing: NO ONE WANTS TO SEE IT, SO WHY FORCE IT UPON US? You all talk about respect, and yet have none. IF you feel the need to do it, why don’t you form a group and sit in one of your houses and do it together, or go the restroom, or use a damn pump? DON’T do it in uniform, DON’T do it in public, and DON’T complain to the rest of us about your right to feed your kids. And for that matter, don’t try to insult a woman who went out of her way to protect freedom that most of you don’t even deserve just because she can’t have kids, when you clearly shouldn’t even be allowed to. And don’t criticize military law on such a public forum; IP addresses are not difficult to find, and personally, I will be filing a complaint with MI and the Military Police.
Most of you women make me sick. Rules are rules, regs are regs. Just get over it and follow them. Why must you all fight and disagree and talk so badly about everyone else. You all have to follow the same rules generally if your in the Military, or married to military. JUST GET OVER IT. Go back to your normal lives and stop hating everyone. It’s just not classy at all.
Okay so I know that some of the rules are kind of lame and I will admit that my husband and I got married while he was in his ACUs in a vary private area with family. I wanted him in his uniform so I knew the soldier I was marrying. At Basic I wanted to kiss him, but instead he hugged me and said he would kiss me once we were off base and out of his ACUs. We held hands in the car only, he only gave me a peck goodbye before heading back to go to AIT. I hate the rules, but I do agree he needs to look professional and do his job. We now have a little girl and he loves her to death and she loves him just as much and I can’t wait for the first time her daddy comes home and she gets to love on him. I’m sorry people don’t like the rules, but just remember that if you love them, you’ll do this for them.
I think that these rules are respectable, but they should never enforce that they aren’t allowed to to kiss or hug when there loved one leaves while in uniform. In an army girlfriend , and future wife. I am gonna respect these rule , but i am and will hug my love one before deployment ! Hands up for the military family’s (:
The one about wearing the uniform is broken all the time I have only heard a few cases of military members getting in trouble for photos of their wives mostly nude in uniform but honestly those kinds of pictures disgust me especially when they are so public that I can find them in google searches or simply being friends with some people.
Sharing Uniform: Your spouse may get in trouble if photos of you or others are seenwearing their uniform. It may also be considered disrespectful for spouses to wear PTs. <— HELLO!
I’m really glad I read this! My boyfriend is a Cow at West Point so I knew a few of these rules, but I hadn’t heard all of them before. Of course I’m sure I would have learned them eventually, but I like impressing him with military knowledge I either find out myself or already have. Thanks!
I wish commands would enforce the Spouce wearing the uniform rule. Its one thing to do it in closed doors fr him but I hate seeing the ones who take pics putting them on the interent. I see that as being disrespectful and i am the spouse
I am a proud Air Force daughter. My father served 20 years and retired as a Lt.Col. At our house and when he and I would go out to do things together (when he was home, the very little time we had together) I would wear his PT shirt/sweatshirt. My mother took pictures of he and I while I was wearing his PTs and HE uploaded them to facebook! He had them printed and framed them for his office and to take when he was deployed. His superiors never had a problem with it, and some even would tell me how they liked the pictures of my father and I wearing his PTs when I would go out on base to do things or see him. I dont think it is disrespectful to wear their PTs; however, I would never wear his blues or camo. Now over 1000 miles away and at college, my father GAVE me his old PTs to have him near me while at school.
What about when one of my husband is coworker (female) shakes her ass at my husband and asked him if he can Handel her junk…what consecuencias should be apply to this person.
My soon to be Husband is a Senior NCO and Im about to go to a formal dinner with him. I am very glad I stumbled across this site. I would have hated to have did something wrong. I need to go in there and know all the proper etiquette!
These aren’t just rules, they are military LAW. You wouldn’t say “screw the law” because you feel like it’s no big deal. “Screw the law, I need some money so I’m going to rob a bank.” No. Breaking one of these LAWs will result in a punishment for your significant other. Depending on the unit, it may not be just a slap on the wrist. You need to be courteous of their rules and regulations because they DO apply to you. So drop the “well I’m a spouse so these don’t apply to me” mentality and just get over it. It does apply to you. Whatever you do in the comfort of your own home is your business. Just don’t make it everybody else’s because that will result in someone getting into trouble. It’s not worth it.
I am a Colonel’s wife and as far as hand holding… We have grown fond of him holding out his left elbow for me to hold on to (as in being escorted). It is very respectful while still endearing. He does the same for our parents and daughters.
I have a friend that has a friend that needs a heart transplant and needs $2000 but they can’t ask for it or get the help. If her friend doesn’t get the rest of the money for heart transplant he could lose the heart for the transplant and will die. So I am confused on how they can get in trouble for asking for help to pay or donation for the transplant. Can someone please explain?
Some rules are ridiculous. A soldier should be a gentlemen. If he’s with his wife or family and has his hands full of bags an officer should understand. The rest I agree with though, like no PDA when he’s in uniform!
I am a United States Army Infantry Veteran, I completely ignore any rule I feel is absurd. I will hold my Wife’s hand in uniform, I will kiss my Wife while in uniform, I will hold my Children’s hands or carry them while in uniform. Yes, some of these are traditional rules and some are rules thought up by someone so out of touch with reality they would not have a clue what it means to be a soldier in the first place. The keeping your right hand free is fine if you are in garrison and are not working. If you are carrying something heavy and an officer makes you salute him, he is probably some cherry lieutenant fresh from IOBC (or whatever particular branch he serves in). It has been my experience that the people who make a big deal over petty stuff are usually not in any of the combat arms MOS. The people who get things done know the difference between Honor and “rules”. Ask a Special Forces soldier why he has his hands in his pockets. As for the cell phones and pda’s if you are in the Infantry you have work to do and don’t have time for that anyway. Umbrellas are not used by the Infantry, we like to be soaked to the bone. If you chew gum do not chew like a cow chewing a cud and you should be fine. Smoking is usually in designated areas and perhaps you can while you walk depending on where you are at and where you are going. Never see anyone eating and walking, drinking and walking is fine as long as you are not stupid about it. I and everybody else will eat and drink while driving, that is sometimes the only chance you have. My Wife wears my PT uniforms (when I am not in them:). I see nothing disrespectful about that, like hugging, kissing, and holding hands, it is a sign of love and affection. I serve for my Family, not because it is a great job, it is hard, it sucks most of the time, the pay is crappy, you sacrifice alot being a servicemember or the spouse of one, not everyone can do it, so those that can do and those that can’t make up silly rules. In my opinion dress right dress is for formations and inspections. We are not held to a highter standard, we set the standard.
Just learn the rules ask your military person about rules you should follow. And when you’ve learned them follow them or don’t show up. I miss my military man deeply, I know I will have self control when I see him. I usually let him make the first move, when it comes to physical contact, and he usually reminds me by keeping on the side I need to be on when we’re walking. I’m so glad to see him, who needs a phone I anticipate hearing what he has to say. Respect goes both ways work together to rise above ignorance.
WOW! There are so many pathetic people here.
1st off you people need to understand. Your spouse/significant other does not belong to YOU! They belong to the U.S. Government.
The wear of the uniform represents something bigger than you two will EVER be. YOU as a spouse is replaceable. Being a member of the U.S. Military is something you ARE! The uniform belongs to each respective branch, and it is well within their power to dictate what one does while wearing their uniform.
Your spouse/SO is representing something much bigger than your relationship while in that uniform. Even retail outlets have rules about behavior while in uniform. Wouldn’t you find it odd to walk into your local target and see a staff member having a make-out session?
Your military spouse/SO is a reflection of the branch they serve and that branch and all those who wore the uniform before them are to be respected at all costs! These rules prevent people from making the branch look bad.
I am appalled though unfortunately not shocked at the lack of respect people have these days. As well as the disregard for any and all rules. It is so sad that people have become so self centered that they would think that they and their relationship is greater than that of the commitment and oath that member of the service made.
Well i’m new to all if this. But these rules are not hard to break. I knew there were rules about the uniforms and i had to take a look at them. They are really helpful especially since my husband is a smoker. But these rules are really helpful. Thank you
Even strippers can’t show affection for their boyfriends while “in uniform”. So seriously, why is it so difficult to understand this? PROFESSIONALISM!!
I’d like to comment on the hand holding rule, I recently attended family day/drill day with my SO who’s in the Army Reserves and we were allowed to hold hands. He didn’t get into trouble and it wasn’t frowned upon.
My husband, now retired, was in the military for 22 years. The way to properly escort a female is the left hand on the back of the upper arm wail the right stays free to salute if necessary. This is the way to insure no one says anything. Your still touching but their is no way to know if your a significant other or not.
As far as military wive go we need to show class, for if we didn’t how are we to expect other people to do so?
My husband will be 50 years old this coming up year, I am very proud of his military experience. I would never do, nor should you, do anything to disgrace his rank, uniform, or awards.
He earned them, he worked for them, how can you take that away from him just because you think the rules are dumb?
I am new to being a military girlfriend so I am learning the rules as quickly as I can. I do believe some rules are a bit out there but out of respect for my boyfriend (he is in the army), as well as my cousin and my best friend’s boyfriend (both my cousin and my friend’s boyfriend are army as well), I do not voice these opinions because it is not my place to question them. I also do my best to respect them because I have several family members and family friends whom I view as brothers, all of whom are or were in various branches of the military. One of the family friends, he calls me Chinchilla Queen and I call him Secret Squirrel, he was the Grand Marshall of our 4th of July Parade here at home and in full dress uniform. The most affection we show in public with him in uniform is to give a quick nickname and a short hug. Other than that, I am not willing to break any rules set for the reason of not wanting to get any of them in trouble with superiors. I will not be the one to get them in trouble and possibly jeopradize their military career even by accident. Rules are there for a reason even if we do not know the reason ourselves.
Wow, my boyfriend leaves for basic training tomorrow and I have been looking up a bunch of stuff about the military and I stumbled upon this, and wow is all I can say. Like I can’t hold his hand? That’s just weird but it is what it is…
I was looking up some information and came across this site. My husband is now retired from the USAF. I read about 15 posts and realized that on this forum there seems to be a lot of nagging military wives that have nothing better to do than cat fight with each other, and bask in the drama; pathetic.
Everyone has their opinions, but I think the real issue here is selflessness. It seems all the comments are about ones feeling. Ladies and gents, it is not about your feeling, or his/her. It is about upholding the image. An image founded over many years at the cost of many lives. Our country’s problem these days is lack of discipline. We need to stop being so emotional about our personal lives. Be proud of your spouses accomplishments and the discipline you have over the average citizen, because like it or not you are seperate from the average American, and you must show strength where they show weakness. By doing this you do the country a great service, whether you see it or not.
Its crazy how many rude and mean wives there are. I thought it was just myths or something. Anyways my fiancee of 4 years just joined the Navy. Im 20 years old and an army brat but little knowledge of the Navy. If anyone has any helpful information and tips I would greatly appreciate it. thanks!
I was thinking about some of our engagement pictures being with him in uniform. I’ve seen probably hundreds of couples pictures where the s/o is kissing/hugging their man in uniform. Also, don’t men sometimes get married in uniform? That involves holding hands and kissing. Could he get in trouble for either of these things, the pictures or the wedding?
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“Right Hand: Your spouse is required to keep his or her right hand empty in order to salute at any time. That means your spouse may need some assistance when carrying heavy loads.”
Okay, just had to throw this out there — may have missed a comment addressing it, because I didn’t ready each one.
As a military member, making your spouse carry something heavy so you can salute if need-be makes absolutely no sense. I can’t speak for the other branches, but in the Air Force, if your hands are full, you simply acknowledge the senior with a respectful greeting and continue on your way. I have a hard time believing anyone from any branch would seriously expect me to hand the 25 pound bag of dog food to my wife so my right hand would be free to salute them.
I think spouse’s should follow the simple rules. PDA , uniforms and etc . I served in the Air Force and also a wife of a retired serviceman . These rules are a image that reflect self respect and self discipline . Military are a unique group don’t make it about just you the spouse.
Thanks for letting us know Lacey! We appreciate people keeping us in the loop of changes and updates so we can pass the most accurate information along to everyone.
I have had a great experience with http://anysoldier.com which connects you with soldiers and units that want/need morale support. You could also look at soldier’s angels, although I have not personally done anything through them.
I’m glad you found this site useful! We love to be able to give you the resources so that you can use your judgement to make the best decision possible for you!
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PDA
227 Comments
ok so my husband and i are expecting our 2nd child, and plan to do a maternity photo shoot, he wants me to wear his acu blouse and beige top. also possible his uniform pants. could he get into trouble if we did this? the ide is we all will have uniform or combat acu camo on because he has not been issued any new gear yet, but our son has a child size uniform bought when we went to see my husband graduate from BCT. anyway hopefuly you can tell me. thank you.
I wore my husbands acu top and got in no trouble, and the plt sgt was the first to see the pics
I am sure your husband’s plt sgt was the first to see em hahaha!
I did the same thing without issues. My hubby is deployed so I took the pics a few weeks back and made a photo book and sent it to him for Christmas. He showed some of the other soldiers, they all enjoyed them and said their spouses did something like that too
It all depends on his command. If in doubt, ask one of his superiors, or one of their wives. Once one of them says it is ok, then they could hardly take it back later. I know that there were “sensitive” times in my husbands career when I wouldn’t have rocked the boat for anything, like in a new command, up for promotion, etc.
Speaking both as a photographer and an army wife- take all the patches except his name tape (if you want it) off the ACU top for you to wear and you should be ok. Your husband, if wearing ANY uniform pieces, needs to be in complete and correct uniform. You will be ok as long as the pictures are classy. The regulation is usually only invoked in cases where uniform pieces are used for “risque” pictures as it is considered not respectful of the uniform.
Agreed, I wore my husband’s full uniform once just to see how I looked, and then I posted a picture online for all to see. I was standing at ease and looking professional. *shrugs*
I think if you are taking a family picture together that is respectful of the uniform, it wouldn’t be an issue, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask just to be sure.
AR 670-1 for army. it is availbale on usapa the pubs website
No walking and talking… LOL. I know this one by experience. When I graduated basic I was calling my grandma and I was yelled at! Oops!
Screw the rules . if i want to kiss my husband in uniform your damn well better believe its gonna happen. Theres far mor important shit the Army needs to regulate then Spouse/Uniform Etiquitte. WTF? really people…
Dear Lisa,
By your response above, you OBVIOUSLY lack etiquette(correct spelling) & couth. It would behoove you to do your loved one some respect & THINK before you type on an open forum. Since, I used words that you don’t quite understand, use Google to look them up as well as the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) & educate yourself.
You just got owned.
Sincerely,
A Classy Military Wife!
Dear HawaiianMCwife,
A REAL woman with class doesn’t have to announce it. It’s automatically known.
YOU just got owned,
Sincerely,
Me
Grow up and start acting like an adult.
I’m pretty sure that if someone is an adult, then they cannot possibly act as anything other than what they are….
For all the women who think that way, THANK YOU, for being completely and utterly disrespectful. Not only to the branch, and military as a whole, but your husband. He worked hard to earn the title and uniform, for what? For you to belittle it? I think not. Maybe you should have a talk with your husband about how you feel. I’m sure he would be willing to shed some light on how he is responsible for your actions.
I do not think it is disrespectful to have an opinion contrary to what the “rules” state. Personally, I think the military should be more concerned about protecting its citizens than whether a spouse can hold hands or kiss their spouse. Not every military spouse likes or agrees with all the “rules.”
I understand that not all military spouses understand or agree with all of the rules. However, part of it is for your safety! Yes, kissing your husband while in uniform could very well put you at risk. Any terrorist now knows exactly who you are. Most women are not going to take the time to ensure that they are not being followed. They will have the same routine over and over again. It makes you an easy target. And yes, you could reasonably be a target. It happens more frequently than anyone cares to admit.
During homecomings, almost ALL commands will relax the rules a bit. However, you still need to maintain some level of respect for the uniform. I’ve seen so many wives practically rape their husbands when they get off of the plane, it’s not even funny. (Especially considering how many of them were cheating).
Also, just a last little bit… I have to laugh at how many military spouses are willing to defile their husbands uniform. Let me put it this way… He probably never saw that uniform as sexy until you started taking those risque pictures in it. Now that you’ve planted that seed in his head, it’s going to be very difficult for him to look at a girl in uniform and NOT picture her wearing it like you did. Keep the camo professional and the lingerie separate.
“Screw the rules”? It’s called UCMJ woman. Look it up.
Code or no code, that is your spouse. A hug, kiss, or any type of affection shown is precious, you never know if that’ll be the last time you share it. My husband deployed back to Afghanistan but sure enough we made sure that our goodbye kisses and hugs were memorable regardless who saw. He has been under strenuous and dangerous situations, at the end of the day if something horrible happens (pray it won’t), do you think anybody will give a damn that we kissed in uniform? Don’t even be a hypocrite about this topic, if it was your spouse leaving and something horrific happened, how stupid would you feel knowing that you didn’t wanna show them any affection because of a code? Your last time seeing them but you wanna be a retard. Smh don’t be a hypocrite and don’t believe that you’re on a pedestal for being married to the military (cause honestly you shouldn’t say damn thing about it unless you’ve been it in). Coming from a former soldier, married to an active duty soldier, and a parent to be.
You’re having a child? Let’s hope it’s not a “retard”. How dare you use such a word. How ignorant.
In response to those who have the opinion of “screw the rules”… If you are not the type that likes to follow rules you will most likely not be married to a soldier very long. he or she will either leave the service after a short amount of time or leave you for someone who is mature enough to follow the rules of the service they chosen. This kind of goes along with the shape up or ship out idea. It is what it is.
Locking elbows is no longer allowed in the Air Force period. The new uniform guidelines that recently came out specifically address that. I know you said check, I just wanted to put that out there.
Thanks for the input. I am traveling to see my SrA off, and don’t really know much of the etiquette. I don’t want to do anything that will get him in trouble.
i wear my hubby acu all the time only thing i did was remove his patches rank unit crest… ect an nobody say anything
Why would you though?
I very well agree with lisa i’ll kiss my husband and i can care less what the army saids worry about important shit such as helping soldiers that came home hurt and need better health care for them and the family stop bitching over stupid shit that is childish grow up people the government need to stop sticking there noses in marriages such as what was commented and worry about the important things that matter. (Mind your on dam business and stay out of my and every one elses business when it comes for wives n children showing affection cause its hard enough when we have to say good byes on deployments). No body is going to stop me from kissing or holding hands with my husband. And if i want to wear his pts when i go running just to have him close i will ill wear his beret ill wear that too its a piece of him i carry with me always like it or not im going to do it in his honor and for others as well and for those who gave there life for us i’m sure im not alone in this.
One statement you made kind of nudged me…. You stated ‘government need to stop sticking their noses in marriages’……. turn that around – spouses need to stay out of their spouses JOBS – you know, the thing that brings in money to the family? The military has rules for a reason. Not just any Joe-Schmo has what it takes to be a member of the US military.
Ellen, I found humor in your comment! “spouses need to stay out of of their spouses jobs” as harsh as it sounds you are 100 % correct. I joined the military and my husband was a spouse , at first. He didn’t understand a lot of the rules . It was a little hard on us until he decided to join the military as well. After that he completely understood. There were times when we were both in uniform and I wanted. To give him a kiss goodbye or hold his arm and he was like no babe we are in uniform not a work. But it was different when he was a civilian.It’s funny how things work out huh? The truth of the matter is being a military couple or spouse is life changing ,it does pay the bills , its not just the
Lifestyle
see thats funny cause when i was working (not military wont say what company) if you did it while on their time you got in trouble, so while your spouse is out there in their uniform they are on the clock they are gettting paid how is it any different? to me it isnt i would get in trouble at work and my husband would get in trouble so i understand it.
If you see who gets in, you’d retract that statement. Getting into a branch doesn’t make you some holy grail, it’s very simple as long as you aren’t a complete reject.
Okay, there are different rules for deployments and homecomings, did you not read that part? Just don’t go slinging your tongue around, and you should be good. Good golly, people.
you should care..because te army pays your bills….and alos the funding…the taxpayers!!!get it????army is about rules and when you do not like the rules,do not join the army!!!
she didn’t her husband did.
She married it when she married him, I should know, I was welcomed to the Corps the day I said I do.
Your husband is EMPLOYED BY THE GOVERNMENT! When you married your military spouse you should have known the rules. Their loyalty is first to God, then the Military then the family in that order. If you were his first priority, when they told him to deploy, he’d say no, sorry, the wife says I can’t go.
The military is your life. The military is what pays your bills. The military is how you get medical care. The military is how you have a place to live, how you have a place to shop at a discount. These men are willing to die for their country. You need to have respect for the rules in which these soldiers live by. Is it worth risking your spouse receiving a dishonorable discharge because you wanted to hang all over him, and wear his clothes? Sounds like you are very immature and selfish. Come back after you’ve been married 30 years and been a military spouse for 30 years.. oh wait, with your attitude you probably won’t make it to either milestone.
“loyalty is first to God, then the Military then the family in that order.”
I would never, ever put a fairy tale before the military and certainly not before my familiy.
I can somewhat agree with her because for those of us who were married before our husbands joined it’s a hard change. WE didn’t sign up for the military life and why make a big deal about PDA, like many have said there are bigger things to worry about. I understand wanting to uphold a professional look while in uniform but why make a big deal about holding hands and locking arms as long as it’s not in a sloppy mannor. On base I had to be an arms length away from my husband at all times. There are MANY different things the military should be more concerned about than the PDA. Telling a couple that they can’t even lock arms (at the least) is like saying not to bring your pregnant wife on base because everyone knows you had to have sex to create that child.
I too married my husband years before he joined active duty military service. His recruiter informed me exactly what our family would committing to once he joined…no excuses for us either. =)
You need to respect your husband and his job…even if you dont like the rules. We all have to abide by these rules wether we like it or not. I agree that some of these are a bit silly, but we still have to obey them. When you married your man, you knew (kind of) what you were getting into. You are held to a certain standard and what you break the rules or act out, it not only relects poorly on your, but more importantly, your husband. You could really hurt his career. You have to understand that when you break the rules, no matter what they may be, your husband is the one that has to pay for it. Stop thinking about yourself and respect your husband and the U.S. Military. On a different note, you need to use better grammar. Just saying…
I think some of the spouses here are missing the point. They’re not going to tell you that you can’t kiss your spouse or hold their hand. They’re going to make his/her life difficult when they counsel your military member on proper conduct in uniform. If it continues after verbal warnings enough times, they could face UCMJ actions under Article 92: Failure to obey order or regulation. This may lead to a loss of rank and/or forfeiture of pay. So how much is hand holding worth? Remember, as a spouse, your actions can positively or negatively effect the career of your loved ones.
Some of my favorite pictures of my kids are with them wearing their dads cap. Don’t think I’ll be getting rid of the “evidence”!
I don’t think all the same rules apply to children, you should be OK with that one.
I am sure they mean the pics i have seen of girls wearing a jacket and nothing else on under it .. NOW that is tacky .. but as far as kids i think its cute .
How about be respectful of your spouses’ job? If you were working in Macy’s or wherever he wouldn’t be able to just come in and start a make out session with you on shift in front of your boss and co-workers. Start putting things into a little perspective. Take some pride in what he does and follow the rules. They aren’t bad, you can kiss and hug at a homecoming but you don’t need to tongue bathe him save it for the home, or in the car. So many women these days don’t know how to be a lady, it’s just sad. Think back a couple generations, now those women are someone to hold in a high regard, and with the utmost admiration. If you’re so disrespectful you can’t abide by a few simple rules while your husband is in uniform and accountable for his actions maybe you shouldn’t attend the affairs. How would you feel if your husband came home and told you because you’ve had a total disregard to the rules he now has docked pay? Are those public displays of affection worth it? No, the command won’t come talk to YOU personally, but they will light up your spouses’ rear end and can make life miserable for him because he can’t keep YOU in check. Our spouses’ are responsible for us. Did you know by YOU getting a speeding ticket on base/post your husband could be docked promotion points? Although it has been a few years since I’ve heard this done, so it may have changed but it did happen. This lifestyle isn’t about YOU, and what YOU want, so get over it. Abide the rules or stay home.
THANK YOU!
Agreed, show some reservation, if you are a proud girlfriend/wife prove it. By doing that it makes him proud
You were talking about our spouse getting in trouble for a dependant getting pulled over on base/post and wondering if it still worked that way…I will be the first to say, YES, it does still works that way!! We were stationed overseas for 3 years. Your driving record is way different when you are overseas (not near as harsh and doesnt go on your stateside driving record). Anyway, I got pulled on base for rolling through a stop sign. I only got 3 points on my military driving record, but my husband on the other hand…he had to face his commander and go through loads of paper work for MY mistake. Think before you break the rules. Stop being selfish and put your spouse into consideration before you do something like breaking a rule that you dont like.
THANK YOU MARINEWIFE! Very well said!
Why would you want pictures of yourself in a uniform you DID NOT EARN. Stop wearing your HUSBANDS rank. Not to mention those kinds of pictures are more often than not so ugly and tacky….
Guess USMC has more standards than those Army folks….
i wear my husbands clothes wehn im pregnant because his are bigger, and we cant afford maternity clothes most of the time, im not saying i’d go out in full uniform, but i might take his Pt’s because thats what fits… and he thinks im sexy in his coat’s so its a bedroom thing too. as for pix in the uniform, i might if it was for his eyes only.
if you can not afford maternity clothes,how can you afford a baby??????????
Dude, really? That was totally not called for. How can u downgrade talk to an expecting mother like that. U are so low.
Perhaps because it’s more important to keep the money for the ACTUAL expenses, rather than a new set of clothes that you won’t wear after a few months. It’s none of your business how she allocates her budget. Get over yourself .
i couldnt afford maternity clothes because i was too busy stashing up on diapers, formula, baby food, baby clothes ect. now that they’re here im glad i did because it cost me an arm and a leg every month to feed diaper and clothe their little beautiful butts. and BTW he dont produce enough testostrone to even be considerd firtil and we were using BC. so yea we didnt plan this but i wouldnt go back now,. we love them so much. so get over yourself.
Hey whatever fits. Don’t listen to whatever anyone says about affording what. They are hating, envious, and jealous. U are somebody bringing a life into this world. It is a privilege and a blessing from God to be able to do that. Not everyone gets to have that, and only God knows why he doesn’t give that privilege to anybody. It’s His perfect design.
i think its more of a public thing, meaning just dont post pics on facebook and parade around like youre owning the rank, which you said you arent. ive worn plenty of his pt garments too and im not even pregnant lol. youve got a better excuse than me. i think its wise to spend money on things like diapers and baby clothes than maternity clothes that are usually only worn for 3-4 months. it shows youre making the right sacrifices for your little one. good luck and congrats!!!
Hah! “…more standards than those Army folks…” is an understatement!!! I’m crying laughing reading that, considering I married a Marine who wanted back in so badly and was so impatient, he actually signed 3 years away to those people (aka the Army Reserves)…needless to say, he now listens to me when I say certain things
At least the Army doesn’t murder civilians and then urinate on their corpses. While filming it.
REALLY? HMMMM….have you read the newspaper in the past year?
Wow! Talk about out of line.
You do realize that regardless of branch, it’s all the same military, right? Your husband may need a reservist to save his life some day. The pissing contest is ridiculous.
Hey, guess what?NOW HE IS ARMY! Now you can change your tag name to proud ARMY wife- HOOAH!!!!!
yeah heres one of the proud usmc wives now! be respectful of all branches regardless of which one they are all doing a job and deserve respect for each person and their service…
I agree with your statement, however I don’t think it’s necessarily fair to pin “those Army folks” as ALL having low standards..
Is the pissing contest really necessary? Come on.
You gotta be out of your mind. UCMJ is the Uniform Military Code of Justice not the Army rules. Not to mention us Army folks have done some outstanding work. I don’t have to wear my husband’s rank I got SGT all on my own baby. So next time you even dream of discussing the Army so poorly you had better wake up and apologize.
If you have stood behind and supported your husband while in service you HAVE earned it. Y’all can have opinions about the pictures of wives in their husbands uniforms but it’s got their name on it too.
just to let you know 29Palms… I have seen some Marine Corps Wives disgrace the Marine Uniforms as well, it’s not just us ARMY FOLK!
Judging the whole Army on one individual spouses’ comment would be as ignorant as judging the whole Marine Corps for one spouses comment.
Screw the rules? Nice. And this is why some soldiers have problems. Because their spouses think the rules don’t apply to “their” husbands.
The only one I find silly is the umbrella one. Especially if in their dress uniform! I mean I get they are suppose to tough and all but if they having to wear dress uniform for work or a function (mine wears blues on Mondays) especially if you live some place it gets cold, that they would be allowed to use an umbrella to stay dry and not get soaked to the skin and possibly get sick!
That and hand holding are the only ones that bother me. I could understand no kissing, groping, or making out. Hand holding and a brief one armed hug should be okay.
You ladies have to understand it’s a professional uniform, in which your husbands have to maintain a professional appearance. If you can’t shake the need to smack your man on his lips, maybe you can wait until you’re inside out of sight of others. My wife says I’m different in uniform, but has come to accept it as my being professional. You should too.
Thank you! I don’t know why it is so hard for some to figure out.
I think with some it might run deep. They feel the need for P D A to prove that this individual belongs to them. They may be insecure, and sometimes the uniform makes the insecurities worse. Personally, I think of waiting till we get home as an exciting thing…foreplay if you will.
I think the issue is wife/girlfriends or even in the case of the women being the one in the military and the husband/boyfriend seeing her or him right after basic, AIT, deployment, etc. and still not being able to kiss them or hold on their hand as soon as they finally get to see them again after all that time they spent waiting on them to return is torture. It’s not meant as disrepect to the uniform or the military I think most just have missed their loved one.
I swear to God, the day my wife tells me to take my hands out of my pockets (and she’s not joking) is the day I file divorce paperwork.
Issues…. You have a serious problem
We are all in the same, Veterans. We all wear are Uniforms with pride and shall at all times conduct ourselves as Professionals. In Civilian Clothes or in our Prospective Uniforms, this is the Standard we are Different from others in our society.Conduct yourself as a professional even when you think sombody is not looking.
Theres alot of rules I dont fully understand but if we have to follow them I do. The last thing I wanna deal with is my husband being mad at me cause he got yelled at. As far as this whole branch feud bull crap what does it matter which one youre in?? Ive known people in all branches that lack class so slow youre roll ppl
While it is a profession that I have done for the last 12 years, you cannot honestly expect me to not holds hands or kiss my wife in public. There is such a thing as good taste, i.e. groping, etc. but for the most part as long as its PG appropriate, no one really minds.
I think this is a great post and everybody military spouse or partner should read it. These are pretty standard rules even in the civilian world. It would be inappropriate for me to kiss my spouse or hold his hand while he was at work in a professional work uniform in any manner, so I can’t understand the comments below about not being able to accept that.
I do have issues with the uniform aspect. I was National Guard until recently and my husband and I routinely shared pieces of our uniforms. I’m no longer in, but I go running in my old PT’s sometimes. I was once chastised at our last base by some NCO who asked me why I was wearing my soldiers PT uniform. It’s a little disturbing to have it automatically assumed that it is his.
I honestly would have said because I am a fellow soldier and earned the right.
I think the no walk and talk rule recently changed (Navy NWUs)
It has, as far as I know. I have seen AD personnel here in San Diego walking and talking on their phones near the exchange/commissary. Could depend on the CO of the base; some are more lenient than others.
I have read some of the comments on this issue and I don’t think that it is any particular branch of military’s “problem.” My husband is active duty Army, he is an 0-4. Since the day we met, he has ALWAYS followed the regulations. He never shows PDA (except returning home from deployment), never carries an umbrella, I am always on his Left side and there is no cell phone use while walking. I once asked why would he be so strict with following the regs. He simply explained to me that if he isn’t the one showing his soldiers that he follows the rules, then how are they going to view him as their leader. Simply put, you have to start somewhere when you enter the military and if your leaders aren’t following the rules, your soldiers are not going to respect you or value you as a mentor at any rank.
I am a wife of an Army soldier, former active duty, currently National Guard. My one question is, as a wife, why in the heck would I want to wear my husband’s UNIFORMS? I am a nurse…he doesn’t try to wear my scrubs. That is just stupid! It’s tacky too. A uniform is used for professional and career purposes only. It’s not a fashion statement. I can’t even stand when I see former servicemembers wearing parts of their ACU’s to mow lawns in or go to Walmart in. Really? Have some tact! Have some class! As for wives, wear your own clothes. No one thinks it’s cute when you wear your hubby’s uniform.
As for PDA, my husband has never had problems with holding my hand or giving me a hug or kiss while in uniform. I guess it’s because we had tact and class when we did so. I always automatically walk on the left of him. I guess I’m just programmed to do so, but I never was told to. LOL
WEll aren’t you just a “trophy” wife. Not a a flaw in there… former service members can do whatever they want in their uniforms they earned the right to. They retired that uniform when they left the military. Also i’m pretty sure the women who are wearing their husbands uniforms aren’t doing it to make a fashion statement and probably don’t care if YOU think its cute or not. I for one wouldn’t wear it in public but I might prance around the house in it. And as far as PT gear goes that it just ridiculous.. I got scolded for wearing my husbands PT gear, I could have picked up the same shirt and shorts at the NEX the only difference is that I didn’t have to pay money for these ones. I understand they have rules and restrictions on things for good reason but sometimes they need to just take a step back and think, is it really that big of a deal?
Amen!
When my boyfriend graduated OSUT in December, inside the area where they held the family day ceremony they allowed small PDA. However, their company 1SG said the moment they stepped outside, to wear the uniform, and act as if they were in church. Even though I do not go to church, I understood completely. I spent the rest of the day with my arm locked in his left arm. That was Wednesday, and I didn’t even kiss him until Saturday after he was actually home, not in his uniform. This was after not seeing him for 5 months, and when you’re a 17 year old, that’s quite a long time. I am a PROUD Army girlfriend with respect to him and his uniform! Not only that, I’LL be a solider as well!
my Marine sat in a parking lot on his motorcycle for like, an hour one night before telling me he was doing so – he couldnt walk while on the phone, but he didn’t want to hang up <3
Walking and talking on phone one makes sense, if you think about it. Heard a story about a soldier at work, was walking and talking at the same time, wasn’t watching where he was going, and fell flat on his face!
I’ve done that myself and I’m not even active duty. I’m just clumsy.
I agree with Lisette, Lisa, and others who say that the military has no business dictating to married couples whether or not they can show affection for each other in public while one is in uniform. I am not sorry to say that, for me, our marriage takes precedence over our occupations. I am proud of my husband and what he does and I support him completely. I have made many sacrifices and accepted this lifestyle in order to be with him. I loved him before he entered the military and i love him still and nothing will alter the way in which I express that love for him. I agree that there is no need to be tactless while showing that affection in public while in uniform, but as far as requiring military personnel to conduct themselves and professionals and gentlemen/ladies at all times, there is nothing more classy and gentlman-like than not being afraid to show your lady how much you respect and care for her no matter who is watching and no matter where you are. The family is the strength behind the uniform and that should be respected, honored, and acknowledged as much as the bravery of military members. There is no shame in showing affection for your loved ones! With all that military members and their spouses sacrifice, they should not be expected to stiffle their emotions at any time, let alone the precious moments that they are able to share together in person. I can understand the lack of professionalism associated with two military members being overly affectionate with each other while in uniform, but if it is a military member and a civilian I see no issue, especially if they are married. There are far more dishonorable things taking place within the military and government that need to be focused on more than a wife holding her military husband’s hand in public. I believe that these rules should be amended to apply only to relationships between two members of the forces, not civilians. As others have mentioned, rules or no rules, no one will ever tell me when or where I can show affection for my husband. That is for us to decide and no one else, and there is nothing disrespectful or inproper about it, period.
PS- HawaiianMCwife 2, you should just be quiet..and maybe revise your own grammar before posting next time, as one cannot “do” someone some respect..they would “show” respect, actually.
and yes..i know i have typos because I didn’t go back and revise
I agree with some of what you’ve said, particularly that showing affection to loved ones is not shameful, but then that is not the issue. We’re talking about what is professional in keeping with military duty, while your husband is in uniform and namely while he is in uniform around other military members, oftentimes during military duty. Your husband’s “occupation” as you put it is not just that, but a duty to country. There is a difference, a big difference in my opinion, and therefore as his duty to country, the rules and regulations while in uniform should be respected and enforced regardless of your feelings for him as your husband. He is not just your spouse, he is an ambassador for the military and should behave as such, as should his family. The family should be respected and honored, however affection is not typically professional in manner and I think that is where the line has been drawn. You can walk next to your husband and speak with him, but I think kissing and holding hands, and at times even hugging, while in uniform is crossing the line. The only instance in which bending of these rules is warranted is prior to or following a deployment or extended training, or during unofficial events or parties (like military balls or annuals) . Perhaps it would be different if there weren’t those who crossed the line and then some, time after time (ie inappropriate photos taken in military uniform etc), thus disrespecting the military uniform and what it stands for. As a military wife and a mother of two, I think it is important that I show my children that I love their daddy but at the same time respect him and his military duty. When my husband is in uniform, I want them also to show respect and abide by rules put in place to maintain the dignity of the military and our country. Of course kids are not expected to not give their dad hugs and kisses, but they are children
Proud to be an Air Force Wife
Amen to the my navywife sister lol I believe your post is the first that I have totally agreed with!
Wow, I am saddened by all of the negativity and bantering. I believe this article was intended to raise awareness, not a riot! Some people may just be new to the military lifestyle and simply not know the rules and etiquette. Many of them I was unsure of when my husband first joined. I have learned them and respect them now, even if they are difficult for me at times… especially the PDA. I have often seen (and yes, have even done it myself) others wearing parts of uniforms. I personally DO believe that it’s something that the service member has earned the right to wear and shouldn’t be for the civilian, but sometimes, when your spouse if half a world away and all you want is their arms around you, sometimes you settle for their sweatshirt. As a spouse that IS guilty of occasionally putting on an article of hubby’s uniform (in my own home or a photo for his eyes only), I promise you I did it with pride and respect. Being in the military is a tough job with tough rules and responsibilities. Being a military spouse is also difficult. We don’t get to go through boot camp to teach us all the rules and etiquette, we just have to learn as we go.
We should also remember that while yes, we may “pick on” the other branches of service that we are not attached to, but in the end we are all on the same team here! Respect EVERY soldier, sailor, marine, airman, and coastie as well as their families. Think of them as family… I know I do!
Very well said, I agree! Military spouses have to stick together and support each other as much as possible. It is hard for me personally to see some military spouses who show disrespect, but many of them may be new to the military and just not know yet.
hi can anyone tell me if there is a list or how can i write to a soldier iam an ex military wife 2 times both guys were in the army.both have passed away .one in 92 at age 32 he was already out of service and we were divorced but still were great friends he died of cancer of the blood and left one son now 32 the other just resently pass at age 61 he was a vietnam vet in the army also he and i also had a son that passed away in 94 at age 20 .i just wanted to find out if there were any single guys that would like a pen pal thank you iam in my 50,s if that helps thank you i have resepct for all military personal. leave message if you can dawnmariecole54@gmail.com thank you .
I think the umbrella rule is just stupid, honestly. Are they supposed to just get drenched if it’s raining or hailing?
My husband works night shift and if I’m visiting him and it’s only the two of us, we’ll hold hands and share little kisses. Nothing crazy. Homecomings, all bets are off. This past one a few months ago, I just threw my arms around him and didn’t let go.
Other than that, he is rarely in uniform unless he is at work, even when we are on base for other things (ID renewals, his medical stuff, etc.) He likes to leave work at work whenever he can.
So I haven’t gone through and read all the comments and I’m not a military wife, but I AM a military girlfriend and sister. I find these rules to be perfectly reasonable since most of them are in order to keep the uniform neat and tidy and so that the soldier in question can salute his superiors. As for the people who have a problem with the rules, I suspect you have a problem obeying rules and direction in general and you won’t last very long in the military. By the way, when your husband enlisted or you married a soldier? You married the military too. Sorry nobody warned you.
Those of you saying “screw the rules” or “the rules are stupid are simply making your spouse look bad. Have some class, and get over the fact that rules are rules. We all learned in kindergarten that we have to follow rules even if we don’t like them. Your spouse is apart of the 1% in this country to be apart of the amazing military… No matter the branch. Respect that. There are rules like this because service members are indeed held to a higher standard than a civilian.
They used to give classes through ACS for this very type of thing. Glad to see it hasn’t been forgotten!
I think these women should cover up when Mothers who formula feed cover their babies to feed a bottle!
I have been with my boyfriend since before he left for Bootcamp. He is a E-3 in the Marine Corps. When I went to his family day and boot camp graduation, he was one of the few that actually followed the rules. I was on the left and linking elbows (when his mother wasn’t, that’s another thing. If there are multiple women, he is to escort the eldest.), hugs were short, definitely no kissing, no walking and eating or talking on the phone. He follows the rules because he worked hard to eaarn the title and wear that uniform, why would he disrespect it?
I know that I have seen many military gf’s wearing their bf’s “cover” or uniform and posting it on FB or other social networks, They always get so offended when people tell them that their loved one could get in trouble for that. Little do they know just HOW serious that rule is.
I am the wife of a Naval Veteran and the mother of a Army Soldier, and I appreciate the Rules! They are part of what sets Military Servicemen and Women apart and makes them honorable! Just as my belief and faith in God and the Bible, gives me standards that I am proud to live by, adding fullness, joy, and peace to my life, and set me apart from others who don’t believe it or live by it…the rules of the military are part of what make each serviceman or woman worthy of wearing the uniform! Anyone who doesn’t see and respect the need for them, needs to re-evaluate themselves….Basic Training would probably be a great start!
I must say I’m a little offended by the war between branches… these men and women worked very hard to get where they are–despite the color of their uniform. They have a common goal and are all amazing for what they do and the sacrifices they make. It also upsets me to see people complaining they can’t hold hands in public when my son won’t even get to meet his father until he is nearly six months old… it won’t kill you to wait a little longer to do so. I grew up with a lot of members of my family in various branches of the military and there has always been slight bantering, like with football teams, or rivalry, but some of the remarks on here are just low blows relating to a few who set a bad example and it’s disrespectful to place all of those men and women associated with one branch or another in a clump filled with disrespect. Excuse my rant but I am very proud of my soldier and friends and family who have served and this article was to HELP those new to the military world respectfully. Not only did you disrespect many service men and women but Amanda who posted this and those of us who do value the rules. Military is about honor, order, respect, dignity and duty. Complaining over this pettiness is ridiculous, instead focus your energy being thankful that your significant other is close enough to link arms with or to share a brief hug… because for many of us that day is VERY SLOWLY approaching.
i totally agree…i am european and find the pictures despicable…no respect and decency,no style and class…
…spoken like a bottle-feeding mother, I’m sure.
What does that have ANYTHING to do with her comment about disrespecting the uniform? If your intent was to respond to the random and absurd comment further up about how breast feeding Mom’s should cover up (which adorable coverups are available, though I don’t know why you would coverup a bottle fed baby) then please put your comment where it was meant to go. Also, just to educate you, not every woman has the ability to breastfeed despite how badly they want to! I know, it happened to me (and yes, I used a cover during the time that I tried to breastfeed and make my body do what it SHOULD do).
I apologize, as I read further down I saw where this the post you commented to came from and they were indeed referring to breastfeeding.
Go back to europe you TROLL!!
Maybe you should learn the meaning of “troll” in forums such as this. You are being the “troll” in this case. She is simply stating that she agrees with and respects the rules. It doesn’t matter where she’s from. There’s no need to be hateful.
I apologize to you too! This is what happens when you’re awake at all hours with your teething baby, reading random forums to pass the time, and don’t realize that the dates on the posts are going in reverse as you scroll down! I do still feel that the “go back to Europe” bit was a little hateful (not to mention, there are those from the U.S. such as myself who do think that covering up does not degrade breastfeeding moms at all and should be done out of consideration. I wish I could have breastfed, I tried every 2 hours for 2 months to pump for feed. I truly believe it is the healthier and more beneficial option and all moms should at least try it. However, I had a cover with me at all times and I used it.
As a veteran with an honorable discharge who made sergeant with minimum time in grade and was an “Airman of the Month” once, this reaction by the military to pictures of citizen soldiers breast feeding their babies turns my stomache. Yes, the military has rules. Check out the UCMG to see what you are allowed to do in your own bedroom. Is this the “freedom” that American military personel risk their lives for? I am with those women, and look on their detractors with repubnance.
As an honorably discharged veteran myself as well, I am ashamed at the military to see this kind of story and response to the pictures. Breastfeeding is beautiful part of human nature. There is NO disgrace to the uniform going on. The uniform IS clothing. It is NOT a trophy.
Granted, the mothers hanging the breasts out in public for all to see is going a little too far. They can cover with a receiving blanket (and military back off about the color of it not being black).
Remember there are/were many cultures where the women would not wear any tops at all ever.
I as well support these women, and will stand with them against those who try to say it is a bad thing.
Just a correction it is UCMJ not UCMG; if your going to try and use regulations try to get em right……
*you’re; *them. TYPOS HAPPEN.
As prior USAF and a female, I am a little bothered by this picture. I believe you can do it but in privacy. I cant have kids (due to health reasons) and I dont want to see it. I never seen any of my female USAF friends do this. Look, do it all you want, but in PRIVATE, I dont want to see it.
We don’t want to see you either. Keep your face in private. It’s not any of our faults that you can’t have kids so get over it.
that’s so harsh and immature. if someone doesn’t want to see other people’s bodies in public that’s their right. it’s called public for a reason, you don’t have the right to do whatever you want if it’s going to upset others and clearly it upsets that lady. You must be mistaken— PRIVATE is the place you may exhibit yourself as you wish, and do whatever you please regardless of the feelings of others
That was an awful response. By your same definition people should be able to see nursing in public because it clearly upsets people not to. Who do you think has to pay for all of these babies who grow up to be mentally and emotionally stunted because they weren’t nursed because of prude people who have nothing better to do than whine about the nerve of good mothers feeding their babies. If skin and something as innocent as nursing upsets people that much, move to the middle east! I, for one, will continue to nurse my babies when they decide they need it, not when some idiot dictates it. I don’t tell anyone not to open their eyes or breathe in public because it offends me or else there wouldn’t be many people left.
How are you upset by NOT seeing breasts?? That defies logic. You WANT to expose yourself to others? You get your jollies off knowing that people are looking at your chest? No one’s asking you not to breastfeed, they’re just asking you to cover up while you do it. In the amount of time it would take you to stop what you’re doing and whip out you tit, you could also get a receiving blanket, and I don’t know, cover yourself?? Or you could simply walk to a lounge, your car, one of the private pharmacy waiting cubicles where they do consultations (yes, they will let you use them!), or a restroom, where you can let it all hang out without the disruption of others. It’s a win win situation, nobody has to be uncomfortable and your infant won’t have distractions.
Also. There are no viable statistics proving, or even concluding, that lack of breastfeeding causes any mental or emotional harm or delay. The only thing formula fed children are proven to have is a minimal increase in food allergies, which most kids grow out of by adulthood anyways.
You’re so perverted. People can be very upset by not seeing mothers nursing their children. Not every mother can cover up. My children were in the 98 percentile for size and would kick and yank down any blanket I covered up with. You think every place has a lounge? Or that every person has a car? Or that every car has heat or AC or that people won’t still whine about you nursing in your car because they can walk by and look in? How often are nursing mothers in a pharmacy?! Are you kidding me about a restroom or are you just stupid? You must eat lots of meal on public toilets then. It’s a great idea for a baby with a developing immune system to eat right next to the E-Coli and Salmonella. WTF would I care if my infant gets distracted? You obviously are severely lacking in both a knowledge of mothering and genetics, both of which I excel at. Next you’ll be telling me that there are not over 200 studies proving that circumcision causes long term mental and emotional damage. Breastfeeding has been proven to increase IQ by around 5 points, the longer it is done, the more points you get. This isn’t something based on just some study. They actually know some of the genes (on DNA in case you are as slow as you sound) that cause this. Next you’ll be telling me that DNA isn’t real either. It has been proven to boost a child’s immune system, not only lessening allergies, but also passing on white blood cells and a mother’s immunity directly to her child. Not only that, but breastfed children have lower instances of tooth decay and are healthier, smarter, grow better, and better behaved long term. Have you ever heard the saying, “Better to keep your mouth closed and have others think you a fool than to open your mouth and prove their suspicions correct?” I’ve been working with other people’s children for 15 years and have my own. I took classes in middle school, high school, and college all about children because my life, career, and expertise have revolved around learning about children, their psyche, and everything that has to do with them including research and studies.
She isn’t talking about breast feeding you MORON. First of all, how the hell did you get breast feeding out of don’t hold hands in public, stay on his left side, and don’t let him hold an umbrella? You are not supposed to kiss in public, and that is where the first woman kind of took it and ran wild but she was not RUDE or HEARTLESS like you. Do you even KNOW anyone in the Military? Hasn’t anyone ever told you, If you have NOTHING nice to say, KEEP YOUR DAMN MOUTH SHUT?!
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You are DISGUSTING.
It’s not about who or whom can’t have kids . It’s not something everyone wants to see cover up and yes I have to kids and they where raised as military kids . It’s about respect for yourself and others. Thanks for covering up.
these women habe no class and style!!not everybody wants to see your breast..i am european and i was disgusted to see women breastfed in public hier in usa…these women are pretty at least,i saw overweight cows,what made me have a vomiting sensation for weeks….sorry it is the truth…if you breastfed in public,use a blanket or something…and healthy breastfeeding???come on….the big majority eat junk,unhealthy food..goes directly to the baby….and breastfeed for months and years….their breast reach their knee by the time are done..i have kids and i had the decency not to expose my breast in public.,..shame on them…no respect for teh army
You are a fool.
a vomitting sensation? Are you serious? I feel so sorry for your children. You, are the scum of the earth and your children need to be removed from your custody. You have poor grammar, and you are an awful human being. Please go back to Europe if it offends you so, oh and PS: STOP TROLLING!
At Skinnie … you are the fool when you can call her one for saying what is total truth. People should use some common decency and basic good morals by covering themselves up in public.
At Athomas718 … Where do you get off saying she is scum, or accusing her of her bad grammar. Perhaps yopu should drag you sorry piece of $h!t butt to her original country and see how well you can speak and write their native language. For that matter, she is probably TEACHING her kids a ton more than you kids are getting taught by you.
At MellyCooper … I applaude you for speaking up the truth. These women in the pictures have only shown their total lack of good morals by not covering up. Too many people in this country seem to have forgotten what manners, courtesy, morals, and manners actually are any more.
Macemitchell; what you call “total truth” is called an opinion. I happen to agree with your views more so than the person you responded to, however, I would never try to pass my opinion off as fact like you just did.
Well, don’t look at it!
You make it sound like deviant behavior. I’m sorry you cannot have children if that is what you wanted to do, but please don’t make it sounds like they are deviants. That is just projection.
your jealousy over being unable to conceive children has nothing to do with these women’s rights! How dare you take out your misfortune on others! You should be ashamed. Those women leave their children in the care of others for months at a time fighting for YOU the least you could do is appreciate it by being tolerant. sn: nobody gives a damn what you don’t want to see…..
Im ex military, was a pregnancy coordinator, suffered several miscarriages while in, -Fighting for YOU - and cannot have any now. Why should I be ashamed if I don’t want a constant reminder of what fighting for your freedom has done to my body. You should be ashamed!
Seriously get a life it’s possible you weren’t meant to have children females don’t belong in the military unless you’re able to everything a male is required to do as in…CFT & PFT requirements. Push-ups, running same distance & time, etc.
You disgust me it is not about jealousy it is about making some one feel uncomfortable!!! Men leave their children all day long for months fighting so what makes a difference that a woman doe that does not give her a right to let her boobs hang out anywhere she pleases! Cover it up some and be more respectful to people around you!!!
This article isn’t even about that.. and there are no specific rules regarding breastfeeding according to that article about that picture. The problem was promoting a political agenda in uniform.
I’m not saying one or the other of you is wrong or right. Just saying you might be commenting on the wrong article.
My husband is in the Army and we have been married for a year and I too cannot have children just like the Woman you are speaking so horribly to. I do not like to see others making out either as it is a reminder that I cannot have children. BUT this article is NOT about having children. It is about the general rules that go along with EVERY military branch and is mostly intended for the new significant others. They are just regs. So I cannot understand why you are throwing such a fit. She never said anything to you, and you are the one being disgusting here. SHE has fought for YOUR freedom. Your name says your have children in the Army so you should FULLY understand, but obviously you are just blind and ignorant. If you have nothing nice to say, than be RESPECTFUL and keep your damn mouth shut. Get some class, will ya? Your embaressing the Army…
No, I don’t think it has anything to do with jealously. Breastfeeding is supposed to be a “bonding” event, so leave that at home, or go to a restroom. Most other people see it as disgusting, weird, awkward, and indecent. I don’t care who you’re feeding with your tits, they’re still tits. I was shocked to see the photo of the women in uniform, breastfeeding in public. If you can’t properly wear the uniform, don’t wear it, go to the bathroom! Just rude.
Would you eat your food in a bathroom? Breastfeeding is more than a “bonding event”. If you’re one of those narrow minded people who think it’s disgusting, weird, awkward and indecent then shame on you. It is the most natural thing on the planet. People like you with that sort of attitude are the number one reason why a lot of new mothers are too embarrassed to breastfeed. Your attitude is disgraceful. It is not the fault of mothers or babies that breasts are seen as sex objects by narrow minded jerks who prefer to call them “tits”.
It’s funny how many people whining about whiners forget that we do live in America. By the way, our military is organized and run by idiots. Any intelligent soldier can verify that (and a few dumb ones). Respect is earned, not given. I ignore all of these rules, but our base is pretty lax.
How immature and disrespectful you are… you’ve just proven all they are saying about your generation. This entitlement generation, its all about me generation. Your husband ought to be ashamed to call you his wife, you are definitely an embarrassment to military wives everywhere. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Wow, you don’t know anything. How presumptive. So, does this mean you are from the snotty, incompetent, and ignorant generation? Why would my husband be ashamed? I’m the most self sacrificing person we we know and one of the most intelligent. I actually married one of only 2 people I’ve ever met who beat my ASVAB score! I scored a 95% and was offered the chance to be a nuclear physicist for the U.S. Navy (which I turned down to be a stay at home mother, volunteer, and a fundraiser for our local animal rescue organization), and he scored a 96% and worked on nuclear missiles. I never had anything handed to me my whole life. I worked my butt off and still do. I’m embarrassed of the vast majority of military wives who sit around whining, reveling in the “glory” of being a soldier’s wife, buying things they can’t afford and getting into debt then whining that they aren’t paid enough (we have $1300 extra a month after bills so I don’t know what these stupid people are buying!), competing with each other endlessly, and the list goes on when it comes to my gripes about idiot military wives. I’m not ashamed of a damned thing. I earned my spot in life, but there’s a reason IQ is graded on a bell curve and I’m smarter than well over 75% of people….. people like you are a joke. Why don’t you get off your stinky butt, and do something to make the world a better place.
Her husband should be proud that he married a woman who is not afraid to voice her beliefs and is also intelligent enough to articulate them in a sophisticated manor. I know mine is.
How immature and disrespectful you are… you’ve just proven all they are saying about your generation. This entitlement generation, its all about me generation. Your husband ought to be ashamed to call you his wife, you are definitely an embarrassment to military wives everywhere. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
My husband, who has been active duty military for 30 years, says that with the exception of keeping your right hand free to salute, the rest of these “rules” are BS.
I am surprised he lasted 30 years, must have been a reservist, not on active duty
This is one of the most bizarre controversies I have ever seen in my entire life.
These women should be given commendations, for a list of reasons too long to enter here.
To Andrew Reilly, I would say, Yes!, this is precisely the risk for which American military personnel risk their lives, in deep and complex ways that might become more apparent to you
with just a tad of applied philosophy, psychology, and sociology.
Or, you could just have a chat with Afghan women.
After serving 20 plus years in the US Army, being married for 17 of those years, I will say my wife and children always respected the uniform and never wanted to do anything to disrespect it. The rules were intended to show respect to the United States Military and to the country. If a person is not an member of the Armed Forces, It shows disrespect to wear any part of an uniform PERIOD. Many service personnel and their family are proud to be associated with the US Military, and if you cannot treat the uniform with proper respect then go back to civilian life. Bring back some form of the draft, and this country would be in greater shape both militarily and financally.
Is this for their work uniforms or dress uniforms and for all branches? The location my hubby and I are at, this happens in both kinds all the time and no one notions any different. I think these “rules” are for specific locations/assignments only not for the general everyday life.
It matters everywhere some just don’t enforce the rules..
The Military needs to GROW-UP! I served two tours in Nam and I find the Military’s attitude CHILDISH
Pastor “Jack” Learn Nam 68-70
Have to mostly agree with that.
Don’t remember whether it was boot camp or OCS, but we were taught that saluting with the left hand was acceptable. The example I remember was do not try a quick shift and drop your baby just to salute with the right hand.
Saluting with the left hand is not acceptable. If you are unable to render a salute, then render a verbal greeting.
I hope “screwing Those rules” is worth more than the loss of rank, pay, and respect he would receive because of your screwing. Also, one reason affection is not shown is it’s a dead give away to what would hurt the service member to the core the most to harm. Kind of like why we don’t wear uniforms on planes anymore overseas. It’s a bulls-eye.
I have no problem with mothers who breast feed their kids. If there is someone out there who is upset by the nuts and bolts of how we come into this world and how Nature intended babies to be fed, then don’t look.
paprika0511,you should stop freaking out and make a bit of more sense,cuz i have no idea and im sure more readers have no idea what you are trying to say.
a lot of people are using the statement this was in public and its not allowed….. do it privately. i even read that people shouldn’t have to see body parts while in public. so when does one persons freedom end and the others begin who is to put rules and regulations on our freedoms in public….. its the age ole debate… im a breastfeeding mother and even covered up feeding my child ( a natural process ) i get dirty looks from males and females alike… just the sheer thought of what go on under that blanket disgusts people….. but heaven forbid if i want to go to a grocery store or drive in my car or sit outside of my house without smelling and breathing in someone elses cigarette smoke… which is taking away my right to breathe the air i want…. but people rather press the issue of breastfeeding….. if i have no say where u smoke which affects my health u should have no say in where i breastfeed which doesn’t affect yours….
is it ok for me to wear my boyfriends fitness shirt that says army on it outside of the house?
Ok yes these women do have rights but there very shady and not as fine tuned as civilian rights , i do indeed support there right to breastfeed i have an awesome step daughter smart as a whip she was breastfed as well but with this being said some people. Dont wish to see such things i mean realy if a cop rolled by and realy wanted to get them for public indecency. Who could but in doing so would start a war. Now on the subject of all u racist people. Thats garbage nobody in this country is originaly from here except well the full blooded indians so knock it off we are all immigrants. From all over. So who givs a rats ass grow up grow some grown up parts and act ure age
I don’t get why it’s s0 hard for people to understand, that’s their job, your husband can’t just walk into your job & start making out with you. It’s disrespectful & makes the establishment look bad. A jobs a job and in this economy you should respect it.
I think rules are a good thing but I do feel they need to include some when it comes to the female military members. They have restrictions on tattoos & piercings and males are not aloud to alter themselves so why should females be aloud to get breast implants. Half the females in the military are only in for attention.
I will have to agree that regard should be given to these rules. Mostly, they are for your soldier, they are not set upon YOU directly, but you can have an effect on the rules that are set upon him (or her, I know there are some military spouses who happen to be men
). For example, he may need to salute, and he has to do it with his right hand. It’s not a RULE for you to walk on his left, but it makes it easier for HIM to follow his rule easier.
You may not like it, but once again, this is the military. He signed the paperwork, and he does as he is told. And yes, the military doesn’t necessarily own the spouses, but the spouses are seen as the support of their soldiers. So SUPPORT them, and help make following the rules easier for him. It’s not about you all the time.
In regards to handholding.. It says males may escort women.. My husband and I got yelled at for that. We were walking through a thick crowd and he took my hand to lead the way so I wouldn’t get lost (didn’t know my way around at the time) and some guy not in uniform (so I don’t know his rank and I didn’t recognize him and neither did my husband) started going OFF on us about it. He was yelling like a drill Sgt in the middle of the food court at the Bx AT ME.. not just at my husband. I just about lost it. I didn’t know the rules at all at that point and my husband thought it was ok to take my hand to get through the crowd (which it seems like it is..). My husband apologized to the yelling guy and let my hand go but I am not a big fan of listening to some random angry dude who, as far as I know, is just another random guy who happened to be on base. I feel like the whole yelling thing should be saved for basic training.. not in the middle of the Bx by someone in civilian clothing.
Honestly I think that guy just wanted to be a jerk cause it made him feel better. If he were in uniform I honestly would have thought him to be way more inappropriate than our dumb handholding in that situation.
I do find most of the rules to be pretty dumb but honestly it isn’t the rules that bug me.. its the fact that someone felt the need to sit down and think about all that and write it down and spend time getting it approved. Seems like a silly waste of time to me but since its already done I see no reason to waste more time changing it. Making them more clear and more well known might be useful if they are going to be enforced.
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Ive been a military spouse for 5 years and an Army brat for 10 and unles sit was a formal setting no one enforces the hand holding or PDA rule (as long as its not XXX lol)
First off, for those of you who have no idea why these rules have been put into effect or who believe that the rules don’t apply to you, because in your small-minded heads you (or your military loved ones) are special, you have no right being affiliated with the armed forces anyway, whether serving yourself or through marriage. Secondly, if you are in fact going to continue being a part of the military family, it is in the best interests of both you and your loved one to become accustomed to the rules and regulations imposed by the military as a whole, and by each individual installation, as a failure to do so can result in an UCMJ action, or the revocation of post living privileges. Third, (and I’m only bringing this up because not only am I a woman, but a mother and sister,) the female soldiers that everyone seems to be talking about who felt the need to breastfeed in uniform (and clearly, the rest of you) need to understand one thing: NO ONE WANTS TO SEE IT, SO WHY FORCE IT UPON US? You all talk about respect, and yet have none. IF you feel the need to do it, why don’t you form a group and sit in one of your houses and do it together, or go the restroom, or use a damn pump? DON’T do it in uniform, DON’T do it in public, and DON’T complain to the rest of us about your right to feed your kids. And for that matter, don’t try to insult a woman who went out of her way to protect freedom that most of you don’t even deserve just because she can’t have kids, when you clearly shouldn’t even be allowed to. And don’t criticize military law on such a public forum; IP addresses are not difficult to find, and personally, I will be filing a complaint with MI and the Military Police.
Does it suck? Of course it does! But being with your Marine should be worth the wait. Respect the rules whether you agree with them or not.
Most of you women make me sick. Rules are rules, regs are regs. Just get over it and follow them. Why must you all fight and disagree and talk so badly about everyone else. You all have to follow the same rules generally if your in the Military, or married to military. JUST GET OVER IT. Go back to your normal lives and stop hating everyone. It’s just not classy at all.
Okay so I know that some of the rules are kind of lame and I will admit that my husband and I got married while he was in his ACUs in a vary private area with family. I wanted him in his uniform so I knew the soldier I was marrying. At Basic I wanted to kiss him, but instead he hugged me and said he would kiss me once we were off base and out of his ACUs. We held hands in the car only, he only gave me a peck goodbye before heading back to go to AIT. I hate the rules, but I do agree he needs to look professional and do his job. We now have a little girl and he loves her to death and she loves him just as much and I can’t wait for the first time her daddy comes home and she gets to love on him. I’m sorry people don’t like the rules, but just remember that if you love them, you’ll do this for them.
My son is serving in the military and his wife has been sleeping around. How common is this and what options do we have?
I think that these rules are respectable, but they should never enforce that they aren’t allowed to to kiss or hug when there loved one leaves while in uniform. In an army girlfriend , and future wife. I am gonna respect these rule , but i am and will hug my love one before deployment ! Hands up for the military family’s (:
Wow. I never knew there were so many rules!
The one about wearing the uniform is broken all the time I have only heard a few cases of military members getting in trouble for photos of their wives mostly nude in uniform but honestly those kinds of pictures disgust me especially when they are so public that I can find them in google searches or simply being friends with some people.
THANK YOU!!
Sharing Uniform: Your spouse may get in trouble if photos of you or others are seenwearing their uniform. It may also be considered disrespectful for spouses to wear PTs. <— HELLO!
I’m really glad I read this! My boyfriend is a Cow at West Point so I knew a few of these rules, but I hadn’t heard all of them before. Of course I’m sure I would have learned them eventually, but I like impressing him with military knowledge I either find out myself or already have. Thanks!
I do not find these rules over the top in any way. It shows class, discipline and professionalism….
I wish commands would enforce the Spouce wearing the uniform rule. Its one thing to do it in closed doors fr him but I hate seeing the ones who take pics putting them on the interent. I see that as being disrespectful and i am the spouse
I am a proud Air Force daughter. My father served 20 years and retired as a Lt.Col. At our house and when he and I would go out to do things together (when he was home, the very little time we had together) I would wear his PT shirt/sweatshirt. My mother took pictures of he and I while I was wearing his PTs and HE uploaded them to facebook! He had them printed and framed them for his office and to take when he was deployed. His superiors never had a problem with it, and some even would tell me how they liked the pictures of my father and I wearing his PTs when I would go out on base to do things or see him. I dont think it is disrespectful to wear their PTs; however, I would never wear his blues or camo. Now over 1000 miles away and at college, my father GAVE me his old PTs to have him near me while at school.
The navy nOw allows for walking and talking on the cell phone as long as they are still capable of rendering salutes as necessary.
what about sunglasses in uniform…charlies and deltas to be specific???
What about when one of my husband is coworker (female) shakes her ass at my husband and asked him if he can Handel her junk…what consecuencias should be apply to this person.
i understand the rules just wish we could hold hands
My soon to be Husband is a Senior NCO and Im about to go to a formal dinner with him. I am very glad I stumbled across this site. I would have hated to have did something wrong. I need to go in there and know all the proper etiquette!
These aren’t just rules, they are military LAW. You wouldn’t say “screw the law” because you feel like it’s no big deal. “Screw the law, I need some money so I’m going to rob a bank.” No. Breaking one of these LAWs will result in a punishment for your significant other. Depending on the unit, it may not be just a slap on the wrist. You need to be courteous of their rules and regulations because they DO apply to you. So drop the “well I’m a spouse so these don’t apply to me” mentality and just get over it. It does apply to you. Whatever you do in the comfort of your own home is your business. Just don’t make it everybody else’s because that will result in someone getting into trouble. It’s not worth it.
I am a Colonel’s wife and as far as hand holding… We have grown fond of him holding out his left elbow for me to hold on to (as in being escorted). It is very respectful while still endearing. He does the same for our parents and daughters.
I have a friend that has a friend that needs a heart transplant and needs $2000 but they can’t ask for it or get the help. If her friend doesn’t get the rest of the money for heart transplant he could lose the heart for the transplant and will die. So I am confused on how they can get in trouble for asking for help to pay or donation for the transplant. Can someone please explain?
ya my friend seen this and he was mad to see people [uting things like that an he is in the air Foce
Some rules are ridiculous. A soldier should be a gentlemen. If he’s with his wife or family and has his hands full of bags an officer should understand. The rest I agree with though, like no PDA when he’s in uniform!
hand holding during wedding?
The only problem I have is that my husband look SO damn good in his uniform…the rules are hard to follow
I am a United States Army Infantry Veteran, I completely ignore any rule I feel is absurd. I will hold my Wife’s hand in uniform, I will kiss my Wife while in uniform, I will hold my Children’s hands or carry them while in uniform. Yes, some of these are traditional rules and some are rules thought up by someone so out of touch with reality they would not have a clue what it means to be a soldier in the first place. The keeping your right hand free is fine if you are in garrison and are not working. If you are carrying something heavy and an officer makes you salute him, he is probably some cherry lieutenant fresh from IOBC (or whatever particular branch he serves in). It has been my experience that the people who make a big deal over petty stuff are usually not in any of the combat arms MOS. The people who get things done know the difference between Honor and “rules”. Ask a Special Forces soldier why he has his hands in his pockets. As for the cell phones and pda’s if you are in the Infantry you have work to do and don’t have time for that anyway. Umbrellas are not used by the Infantry, we like to be soaked to the bone. If you chew gum do not chew like a cow chewing a cud and you should be fine. Smoking is usually in designated areas and perhaps you can while you walk depending on where you are at and where you are going. Never see anyone eating and walking, drinking and walking is fine as long as you are not stupid about it. I and everybody else will eat and drink while driving, that is sometimes the only chance you have. My Wife wears my PT uniforms (when I am not in them:). I see nothing disrespectful about that, like hugging, kissing, and holding hands, it is a sign of love and affection. I serve for my Family, not because it is a great job, it is hard, it sucks most of the time, the pay is crappy, you sacrifice alot being a servicemember or the spouse of one, not everyone can do it, so those that can do and those that can’t make up silly rules. In my opinion dress right dress is for formations and inspections. We are not held to a highter standard, we set the standard.
Just learn the rules ask your military person about rules you should follow. And when you’ve learned them follow them or don’t show up. I miss my military man deeply, I know I will have self control when I see him. I usually let him make the first move, when it comes to physical contact, and he usually reminds me by keeping on the side I need to be on when we’re walking. I’m so glad to see him, who needs a phone I anticipate hearing what he has to say. Respect goes both ways work together to rise above ignorance.
WOW! There are so many pathetic people here.
1st off you people need to understand. Your spouse/significant other does not belong to YOU! They belong to the U.S. Government.
The wear of the uniform represents something bigger than you two will EVER be. YOU as a spouse is replaceable. Being a member of the U.S. Military is something you ARE! The uniform belongs to each respective branch, and it is well within their power to dictate what one does while wearing their uniform.
Your spouse/SO is representing something much bigger than your relationship while in that uniform. Even retail outlets have rules about behavior while in uniform. Wouldn’t you find it odd to walk into your local target and see a staff member having a make-out session?
Your military spouse/SO is a reflection of the branch they serve and that branch and all those who wore the uniform before them are to be respected at all costs! These rules prevent people from making the branch look bad.
I am appalled though unfortunately not shocked at the lack of respect people have these days. As well as the disregard for any and all rules. It is so sad that people have become so self centered that they would think that they and their relationship is greater than that of the commitment and oath that member of the service made.
Well i’m new to all if this. But these rules are not hard to break. I knew there were rules about the uniforms and i had to take a look at them. They are really helpful especially since my husband is a smoker. But these rules are really helpful. Thank you
Even strippers can’t show affection for their boyfriends while “in uniform”. So seriously, why is it so difficult to understand this? PROFESSIONALISM!!
I’d like to comment on the hand holding rule, I recently attended family day/drill day with my SO who’s in the Army Reserves and we were allowed to hold hands. He didn’t get into trouble and it wasn’t frowned upon.
My husband, now retired, was in the military for 22 years. The way to properly escort a female is the left hand on the back of the upper arm wail the right stays free to salute if necessary. This is the way to insure no one says anything. Your still touching but their is no way to know if your a significant other or not.
As far as military wive go we need to show class, for if we didn’t how are we to expect other people to do so?
My husband will be 50 years old this coming up year, I am very proud of his military experience. I would never do, nor should you, do anything to disgrace his rank, uniform, or awards.
He earned them, he worked for them, how can you take that away from him just because you think the rules are dumb?
I am new to being a military girlfriend so I am learning the rules as quickly as I can. I do believe some rules are a bit out there but out of respect for my boyfriend (he is in the army), as well as my cousin and my best friend’s boyfriend (both my cousin and my friend’s boyfriend are army as well), I do not voice these opinions because it is not my place to question them. I also do my best to respect them because I have several family members and family friends whom I view as brothers, all of whom are or were in various branches of the military. One of the family friends, he calls me Chinchilla Queen and I call him Secret Squirrel, he was the Grand Marshall of our 4th of July Parade here at home and in full dress uniform. The most affection we show in public with him in uniform is to give a quick nickname and a short hug. Other than that, I am not willing to break any rules set for the reason of not wanting to get any of them in trouble with superiors. I will not be the one to get them in trouble and possibly jeopradize their military career even by accident. Rules are there for a reason even if we do not know the reason ourselves.
Wow, my boyfriend leaves for basic training tomorrow and I have been looking up a bunch of stuff about the military and I stumbled upon this, and wow is all I can say. Like I can’t hold his hand? That’s just weird but it is what it is…
It is weird. Use your best judgement about when this is enforced and when it is not a big deal and let your boyfriend take the lead!
I was looking up some information and came across this site. My husband is now retired from the USAF. I read about 15 posts and realized that on this forum there seems to be a lot of nagging military wives that have nothing better to do than cat fight with each other, and bask in the drama; pathetic.
Everyone has their opinions, but I think the real issue here is selflessness. It seems all the comments are about ones feeling. Ladies and gents, it is not about your feeling, or his/her. It is about upholding the image. An image founded over many years at the cost of many lives. Our country’s problem these days is lack of discipline. We need to stop being so emotional about our personal lives. Be proud of your spouses accomplishments and the discipline you have over the average citizen, because like it or not you are seperate from the average American, and you must show strength where they show weakness. By doing this you do the country a great service, whether you see it or not.
1stLt/ USMC
Its crazy how many rude and mean wives there are. I thought it was just myths or something. Anyways my fiancee of 4 years just joined the Navy. Im 20 years old and an army brat but little knowledge of the Navy. If anyone has any helpful information and tips I would greatly appreciate it.
thanks!
I was thinking about some of our engagement pictures being with him in uniform. I’ve seen probably hundreds of couples pictures where the s/o is kissing/hugging their man in uniform. Also, don’t men sometimes get married in uniform? That involves holding hands and kissing. Could he get in trouble for either of these things, the pictures or the wedding?
Technically, probably they could. Do they ever? No. You have to use some common sense with these rules and how they are practiced.
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Hi, I am a student at Rice Lake, WI and I was wondering if I could have any answers of how hard it is for your spouse to be away. Please and thanks.
“Right Hand: Your spouse is required to keep his or her right hand empty in order to salute at any time. That means your spouse may need some assistance when carrying heavy loads.”
Okay, just had to throw this out there — may have missed a comment addressing it, because I didn’t ready each one.
As a military member, making your spouse carry something heavy so you can salute if need-be makes absolutely no sense. I can’t speak for the other branches, but in the Air Force, if your hands are full, you simply acknowledge the senior with a respectful greeting and continue on your way. I have a hard time believing anyone from any branch would seriously expect me to hand the 25 pound bag of dog food to my wife so my right hand would be free to salute them.
I think spouse’s should follow the simple rules. PDA , uniforms and etc . I served in the Air Force and also a wife of a retired serviceman . These rules are a image that reflect self respect and self discipline . Military are a unique group don’t make it about just you the spouse.
Thanks for letting us know Lacey! We appreciate people keeping us in the loop of changes and updates so we can pass the most accurate information along to everyone.
Great tips Catrina!
I agree, seems a little hard to not carry an umbrella. Also some frown on a service member pushing a stroller but occasionally I have seen it done.
I have had a great experience with http://anysoldier.com which connects you with soldiers and units that want/need morale support. You could also look at soldier’s angels, although I have not personally done anything through them.
I’m glad you found this site useful! We love to be able to give you the resources so that you can use your judgement to make the best decision possible for you!
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