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I decided to bust some of the more common military myths. While I think people are generally supportive of military families, the disconnect between civilian and military families is growing. For example, I was talking with a friend the other day about the chore of filing annual income taxes when she blurted out: ”Your husband doesn’t pay taxes, though!” I was taken aback by this person’s assumption that military service somehow gets veterans “off the hook” when it comes to paying their share.
This military-civilian disconnect can lead to some serious misunderstandings, so I want to set the record straight on the most common military myths I have heard regarding spouses and families.
Military spouses are a very diverse group with a variety of individual interests and values.
Statistics from military recruiting show that service members between 18-24 have more college education than their civilian counterparts. Furthermore, military personnel are highly trained and educated in their field. Service members are expected to be competent in highly specialized fields and be able to make judgement calls.
Everyone can probably think of a young military couple who rushed to the aisle when they hardly knew each other. I will also tell you that some of these relationships actually turn out well, so don’t be too quick to judge. Military spouses are not all young either. On average military personnel marry only about a year younger than their civilian counterparts.
Male spouses account for seven percent of all military spouses. About half of that seven percent is comprised of dual-military marriages.
Many military spouses are employed and many more run businesses out of their home. A larger than average number of military spouses do chose to stay at home due because of child care concerns, home schooling or difficulty finding a job. In the end, this is a decision families make based on their situation.
If you want to live a life of luxury, I would not advise you to marry a service member. Even considering benefits service members will never make what their civilian counterparts earn. In my experience military spouses are the opposite of lazy; they volunteer, raise children, handle home repairs, juggle finances and get involved in the community.
All federal taxes and most state taxes still apply to military personnel. Only service members serving in a tax-free combat zone are exempt from federal taxes. Many people assume that military get free housing, free healthcare and free education as well as a free retirement plan. While there are many good benefits available they are not that simple; many benefits do not cover everything or have some cost associated.
There are infidelities in civilian and military marriages alike. The potential for loneliness or isolation that may come with deployment can perhaps amplify the behavior, but this does not mean that all military couples are unfaithful. Many military couples are committed and have never had a problem with infidelity.
What military myth or stereotypes have you heard? What do you say to people if they mention these stereotypes? Let us know in the comments!
Photo courtesy of andertoons
9 Comments
My husband’s family believed that enlisting was a guaranteed death sentence. I’m fairly certain that they were shocked when he came home from Iraq alive. That pissed me off so much.
My husbands family was the same way.. they would say things like “i hope your proud you will be leaving your wife a widow and your kids fatherless.. ” WTF.
I can and have been accused of all of these things. As a Army wife I have become subject to the ever popular sitcom that airs on television. While my life may not be the life of other wives, it is the life that I chose because I love my husband, and there isn’t anything that I would change about it. My feelings on the whole thing are much like my feeling towards many things and that if you don’t understand something don’t assume you know how it is ask or just don’t say anything at all, because you are only making yourself look ignorant with your outlandish assumptions.
all i got to say is so far there is not damn thing i like about being Military parent, I am even more against the military now that i see first hand the terrible mismanagement, the brain washing , makes me sad for these young people they recruit and yes see myth#1 yeah they make then graduate now , bfd.not like the draft they took them anyway they cld, or years followed when they were desperate for men to join.the only real changes is more opportunities for females now.I hate deployment I dont see why every one who joins is required to do it, then that certainly does not help or promote family or marriage , it even makes me being a parent right now difficult, i have no idea what to do or say.i appreciate those who do choose to serve they are doing something i certainly would not but as for the myths,the reality for me has been its WORSE than i EVER IMAGINED , as for Army wirves show please just another propagnada media hype to glamourize it so more will join to go make millions more for the war mongers who send you I am counting down the hours,days, minutes til my son can be free of this terrible mistake and btw NO I DO NOT LIKE THE MAN they have taught him to be, and NO i dont appreciate them training him to kill and now deploying him to do it
my oh my Lacy,
I am the proud wife of retired army. While I can’t say it was always a bed of roses,you are sadly mistaken if you think EVERYONE in the military is REQUIRED to deploy. My husband served 21 years and deployed once. If you want to call being disciplined, respectful and trained brainwashing,that is your choice. Our son chose to follow in his fathers footsteps and join the service. He has become a young man that I am so VERY proud of. While his friends are out running around in dead end jobs, some dying on our streets and worrying about cars and girls, he is focused on rigorous school, saving for his future and just being a good citizen! I realizize that in light of recent news some things need to be fixed, but military service is good.
I needed to take a step bad and think about it before responding. Normally I don’t even respond to most comments I read in blogs and articles but how could I not now? Rather than being proud of your son, or daughter, for joining the service you are completely unsupportive of their decision. Being supportive is one of the most important “jobs” of standing behind the servicemembers we all know and love. Your child has made the honorable decision to sacrifice their own freedom, their time, their LIFE to defend the country and lifesyle that you and I take advantage of every day and night.
The last thing these men and women are, are brain washed. They are taught respect, honor, courage, bravery that they could never learn in another job. I have yet to meet a service man or woman that has not been respectful to myself, or my husband. Being in the service, or being associated with it, comes with an unspoken camaraderie. It is a built in family. It’s looking at your peers and knowing their exact feelings without them saying a single word.
Deployments aren’t easy for anyone, whether they are to a combat zone or not. But they are definitely part of the job description. My husband hopes and cant wait to deploy to Afghanistan, and although I won’t be thrilled when/if it happens, I won’t be negative and putting him down. They don’t join the military to stay stateside. The join to get deployed, to fight the war, to show their love of their country.
At some points this country needed a draft. Sure they had to take everyone, people who probably would never have joined on their own. Some did their time and got out. Some decided to stay in and make a career of it. My previous boss was drafted into the Marine Corps in the late 1970′s and stayed in for 35 years. He was the best boss I’ve ever had. Respectful, caring, understanding, professional.
Sure Army Wives and Coming Home are both shows that are exaggerated and dramaticized. But so are all other TV shows, and even more so “reality” TV shows because reality TV is the farthest thing from reality.
Yes, the military changes men and women who join. Sometimes they have negative effects like PTSD or TBI or they get physically hurt by an IED. Sometimes they lose their lives. But they are far from brainwashed. They are the most respectful and amazing group of people I Have ever met. Maybe instead of judging your son for joining such an admirable cause, you need to be more supportive and loving. Maybe seek some counseling for ways to be more supportive. The last thing you would want is your son going off to war angry at you or feeling bad.
As a military spouse, I must say that you are right, you support the military serviceman or woman not the corrupt system of which they are a part. Think of it in this way let’s say you had a guilty son on death row for murder…supporting your son does not mean saying “I believe you’re innocent”…or “I believe you didn’t murder those ppl”….”you’re right, the world is wrong”.no…true support is telling your son, listen, I know you murdered those people and I do not agree with what you have done, nor do I understand it, nor will I defend it, but I love you and will be by your side until the end.
There is a fine line between support and delusion. If you think that America is more free, look into NDAA 2012 & the like. What happens at airports now due to “terrorism”? Are the laws now becoming tougher on “terrorists” or on Americans?….I’m sorry but I’m not part of the blind follower crowd. That parent ^^^ is not tearing down their child’s decision….& that reasoning is emotional, not logical………just bc someone dies for a cause does not mean that the cause was a good one. Just bc you love someone does not mean you agree with bad decisions. It is just the opposite, you support them through their bad decision…..but you have to know the decision was bad to act in that capacity.
Where are the weapons of mass destruction & how many well-meaning lambs were lead to slaughter looking for them? Nowhere to be found; however, America seized those oil fields……..so what was the agenda & how many well-meaning young men and women must die to seize wealth for the international bankers who really run America? Telling someone the truth is the MOST supportive that you could ever be. Agreeing with a lie makes you the worst kind of enemy bc you not only continue to allow them to go in the wrong direction, but you reinforce that bad decision……and the system that forces your poor children into making that decision. Question: why is it that military men and women get partial retirement pay and senators, & lawmakers retire with full pay (look it up)? Why do senators and their children continue to receive benefits AFTER they leave their office but a military member is on their own after they separate? I’ve known personally many Vietnam era vets who are poorer than poor…….homeless……I have yet to see a homeless lawmaker. The same ppl feeding this info to you are the same ppl pocketing the perks on the backs of our servicemen and women. Educate yourself and consider your sources of information before you blindly follow. You were blessed with a mind for a reason.
And yes, they are amazing people who have been victimized by the very system that is supposed to support them. It is not a service member’s fault that they are indeed brainwashed…..& saying that someone is brainwashed isn’t so bad either because now you are armed with information to address said brainwashing.
For the military spouses that would like to work from home – Check the Arise facebook site and Michelle Obama video.
Previously a Missile Launch officer and now work for Arise.
I have heard the “military spouses cheat” one SO many times it’s infuriating. I have never cheated on my husband, and never will. He has been deployed twice, and we are going through one right now. Yeah, it sucks. I don’t like sleeping in my bed alone, and I can be moody, possibly from sexual frustration, but you know what? It doesn’t last forever, and in all actuality, it makes the R&R, or the homecoming, VERY INTENSE. So…I’ll take a week of nightly fireworks over a divorce due to a bad decision because I was so impatient or lonely that I couldn’t keep my legs closed. It’s quite possible that being a solitary person helps in my situation. I do miss my husband, and I was a mess every minute, but I grew up an only child, and did just fine being by myself. If I did it then, I can certainly do it now.
I have heard of spouses cheating, but I have also heard of the husbands cheating. There was talk on a base of some young girls that would be brought into barracks or just some living quarters, and the guys would show up to have sex with them, some of them married. It can happen on both sides, but it’s not a case of “all of them do it.” No, not all of us do it.