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The issue of whether to move back in with family during deployment is one of the most debated issues among the younger members of the military community. Between a shaky economy and limited opportunities for civilians around military bases, many military spouses and significant others decide to move back in with their families during a deployment. However, there are just as many that advocate the benefits of sticking it out and living on your own.
If you will be faced with a decision between moving home or staying put in the near future, check out this pro’s and con’s list.
Home Sweet Home, it is all about figuring out what is best for you.
Saving money: The most common pro of moving home during a deployment is saving money. Especially if you are raising a family, moving home can take away expenses like rent and utilities that would normally consume a large chunk of your budget. If you are struggling to make ends meet, moving home can give you a break while you form a more solid financial plan.
You might not actually save money: Before you decide to move home to save money, make sure you won’t be wasting a lot in the process. Between contracted utilities, breaking leases and the general costs of moving itself, you don’t want to be spending more money moving home than you will save. Another place people get stuck when moving home is storage. Chances are you have furniture that you can’t or won’t want to sell before moving and you’ll have to pay to store those items while you’re away.
Support system: If you moved away due to a PCS or for the military in general, an emotional benefit of moving home may be spending time with your friends and family. The military lifestyle comes with a lot of moves and it can serve as a great mental break to spend 9 months in your hometown. It can be very nice to have the support of family and friends, many spouses especially like to live at home if they have children or during the first deployment.
Missing the military community: On the opposite side of getting to spend time with your family, a con will be missing out on the true military experience. If you decide to move home to the familiar during a deployment you may miss out meeting some great people who have a lot in common with you as well as really getting to integrate yourself into the great and supportive military community.
Save for something specific: More specifically than just saving money on rent and utilities is being able to save your BAH in the hopes of making a large purchase in the future. Whether you’re looking to buy a car or use your VA benefits and purchase a home, you’ll be able to save up money and make more financially responsible decisions.
School transitions for children: A military family considering moving back home should consider the task of taking your kids out of school. Although some may have children who aren’t old enough to be in school yet, transferring schools in the middle of the year or even during the summer knowing that you’ll return to base after deployment can make for a hard transition.
Help with children and childcare: Young military families especially may choose to move home in hopes that their family can help them raise children. New parents may feel overwhelmed taking care of a child alone, and parents and other family members can help guide you through the waters of new parenthood. Pregnancy is another main reason military spouses decide to move home during deployment.
Losing your independence: Depending on how long it has been since you lived at home, you may want to consider the difficulties associated with feeling like you’ve lost your independence. If you’ve been living on your own, with a significant other or a spouse for a number of years it may come as a culture shock to experience life with your parents again.
Opportunity to pursue your education: If you’re hoping to earn a college degree over the next few years, moving home may present a perfect opportunity. The money saved from not paying for rent combined with the free time you may gain from having family help you raise children or help you out combine in a good environment to study.
Unfortunately there will be certain difficulties associated with deployment no matter where you decide to live. Create a pro’s and con’s list for your personal situation and create a practical plan of action that works best for you emotionally and financially.
Have you moved home during deployment in the past? Have you chosen to stay on base? Why?
Let us know in the comments!
Photo thanks to jcbonbon via Flicker Creative Commons
6 Comments
I would love to share my experience! I am a Marine Corps wife with one preschool age child. I did move back home while my husband is deployed, although we are renting a small place instead of staying with family. We are still saving a significant amount of money even not living with family due to the difference in the cost of living at our duty station. Here I have help with my son, a great support system, and a lot of things to keep me busy! I was lucky enough to have an opportunity come up that allows me to work from home, so I didn’t have to worry about a job. However, before I left I was working full-time somewhere. Had that job been more flexible and understanding I may have stayed put. At first I was upset about that, but now I realize that it was all for the best and I am much happier and better off.
If my son were older I also may have considered staying. It was easy for me to move him because he just started school and he will finish up his year here just as my husband gets back. I say if your kids are young enough, go for the move! If/when my husband deploys again in the future, I will probably end up staying at the duty station to try and give my son as much stability as I can since he will be older and moving will be harder on him. Hope this helps!
My story: I moved home for my first deployment (my husband’s fourth). It was the wrong thing to do in a lot of ways. We were told that our soldiers would be gone for one year over and over again. Quickly my husband and I made a financial plan to make moving home pay off for us. We took out a loan to move me home and found a much cheaper place to live to save on BAH. We thought that we would pay the money back and have some savings to deal with the financial burden of moving back and living at Ft Bliss. Also, I along with the majority of spouses on Ft Bliss had been unable to find work in the mainly Spanish speaking and largely anti-military community. I was able to take the loan out, rent uhauls to move home, get my parents to take time off of work to help me move since I don’t know anyone in the area, set up a new home, and even find a job in one month. I got an email two months after deployment saying that spouses needed to start making their way back to the area so that they would be able to receive their soldier. This knocked me down to the floor. Yes, I wanted my soldier home, but I wasn’t sure that I could afford to move back and set up a new place. I felt lied to! I had to give up my job, my nicer and way more affordable home, sell our second vehicle, rent a smaller uhaul (I didn’t have help this time so I took what I could pull with our truck and put the rest in storage), and used every bit of our savings to get back and put deposits down on a new place. Now I am back in El Paso (living off base) with a new loan that I am still paying on and no vehicle to drive. Also, I was given an incorrect flight date, so I paid for an extra month of rent without anyone there to live in it. Gerrr!
All and all it was horrible to be away from my husband and moving home was a wonderful few months. I never found much comfort from other spouses here and especially not the FRG. They are way to gossipy and catty for me. lol! When I was home I found a few “drama free” sites and pages the helped with questions and the stress. My family was also very comforting, but the terrible financial situation and TONS of extra stress of moving twice in four months that moving home caused was not worth it. This specific situation has made us rethink completing a 20 year career with the Army. Oh and the kicker… my husband had to go to back to work three days after his return and was turned down for a request to go home for Christmas!! He finally got his block leave a month later, but now there are rumors of them being deployed again or sent off to school. They didn’t even offer reintegration training to the families!! I am not sure if this is typical, but I just don’t trust anything our command tells us anymore. I wish I had more positive thoughts on the topic.
I just moved back to our base to await my husband coming home from his third deployment. It was the biggest mistake of my life. We have three children, one of them is chronically ill. My family was of no help and ended up using me in the process. I lost more money than I saved and now I’m dealing with things like not being able to find a house and not having enough money to get our things moved back into our house. When I did find a house, it’s significantly smaller than what we had before and not very nice. My son busted the shower knob off the wall the other night…I’m usually pretty handy, but this is going to require a plumber. I can’t get anything moved bc I’m constantly having things come up with my son’s illness. It’s such a mess right now. We’re losing more money each day. I don’t recommend it unless you don’t have kids.
I think it truly depends on the situation, and the couple. I am currently back in our hometown (living with the in-laws) while my husband is deployed. I have yet to regret this decision. In our case, my husband will only have a couple months left in the military when he returns from this deployment. Then he, too, will be moving back to our hometown.
PRO: We are saving SO much money not paying any rent or utilities. All we have is a storage rental (which is insignificant compared to rent, etc.). Now we can save the BAH (and the rest of his paycheck) to pay off our vehicles, and put a downpayment on a house next year. Also, cost of living is so much less in our hometown than where he is stationed out of.
PRO: I’m getting a jump start on our life here, finding a job. That way we won’t both be jobless when he gets out of the military. Also have been browsing houses to buy. We hope to purchase a home when he returns from deployment, so it will hopefully be ready to move into by the time he gets out of the military.
PRO: Support. Though none of my friends or family “get it,” I still have someone to talk to, or take my mind off of it. Where my husband is stationed out of, I never felt like I really had any support/friends anyway.
CON: We will still have to live apart for a few months when he returns from deployment. But we both agreed that it is definitely worth all of the above “PROS,” especially because we’ll never have to do this again.
Did you receive BAH from where you were previously stationed? Or did you collect BAH from your hometown?
I currently am living in my hometown during my husband’s 1st deployment. We have 3 children, 5 and under, none in school. I had our 3rd baby right before he left, and I thought that moving back to my hometown near my parents and brother would give me a lot of support- Wrong! I have realized that they just don’t understand what we are going through, they don’t want to know- and I regret that we moved here almost every day. I am now planning on moving back to our duty station 2 months before my husband redeploys just to get away from here, and be around the base, and try and make new friends and reconnect with old ones who understand what our life is like.
We actually lost a lot of money, what with putting half of our belongings in storage back by our duty station, and renting a u-haul trailer to move out here, a deposit on our new home to rent, and are actually paying more to live in this town, in a smaller house, and now all the money we saved, we are spending on me moving back ALONE with three children plus a deposit on our new house, and to get everything settled before my husband returns. They say hindsight is 20/20- and I definitely see now that I was very hormonal, emotional and basing my decision to move home out of fear of being alone. I could have stayed put, and taken several trips home and spent more time in those week or so long visits spending time with my family than I’ve actually spent in the past 5 months of living close to them!
So I guess, yes- it’s different for everyone- if you 100% know that your family will be there for you, and try their best to understand you, and if you have a close relationship with them- then moving home might be worth it for you. But the costs of this decision have far outweighed would we would have saved if I had stayed put.
Anyway, all that matters is my husband is safe, and I can’t wait to see him in about 5 months!